Plain Jane in the Spotlight

She closed the door. Whatever he’d been about to say would not now be said. What he might have done would be left undone. She sighed.

Travis stood in the dark hall for a moment, then backed away, knowing he must get as far from her as possible and silence the raging tremors that went through his body. What Susie’s flaunting sexuality had failed to do, Charlene’s lightest touch on his cheek had done with ease. For the second time that night his mind said Disaster, but for a different reason.

When he remembered how he’d admitted his own failure to her he wanted to vanish into thin air. Instead, he curled up in bed, pulled the covers over his head and tried to pretend he didn’t exist.

In her own room, Charlene got slowly into bed, disturbed by a thousand conflicting instincts. But she couldn’t cope with them. She must try to escape into sleep. She closed her eyes and headed for the safety of oblivion.

Looking back at what happened next, she supposed she should have seen it coming. It was as inevitable as the rising of the sun, but she didn’t understand that at the time.

Her dreams were vague, just impressions floating through her mind, until suddenly Travis appeared.

Time had turned back and they were talking together in warmth and friendship. He touched her cheek, a sign of warmth that they frequently exchanged. It was the lightest gesture and she had responded to it happily-laughing, pleased but unruffled.

But now that touch was happening again in her dreams, and her flesh was reacting as it hadn’t done before. Suddenly she was responding with all her heart, relishing their emotional closeness and understanding, but above all rejoicing in his touch.

It was there again, his hand moving softly against her skin, tempting her to reach up, clasp it, drawing it further down. His eyes were telling her that this was what he wanted, if only she-

Charlene awoke with a cry, finding herself sitting up in bed, staring into the darkness, appalled at herself. Everything she remembered, the urgency in his caress, the vibrancy of her response-these things hadn’t happened!

Except perhaps deep inside, hidden out of sight in some remote place where neither her mind nor her feelings were in control.

Mysteriously, her body had stored up the memory, waiting until she was ready to confront it, then releasing it now, when her heart was suddenly open to him and she had no defences to protect her from its dangerous message.

No, she told herself, trying to be firm. I’m imagining things. Just a pathetic fantasist telling herself what she wants to believe.

Travis’s voice came from behind the door. ‘Charlene-Charlie-? What’s happened?’

‘Nothing, I’m fine,’ she forced herself to call back.

‘Are you sure? I thought I heard you cry out.’

‘I was out of bed,’ she stammered. ‘I stubbed my toe.’

‘Can I come in?’

‘No,’ she cried quickly. ‘Goodnight.’

‘Goodnight.’ He sounded reluctant, but at last she heard him move away.

She lay there, breathing hard, trying to pull herself together, but with no success. Where was calm, sensible Charlie when she was needed? Nowhere to be found.

But she was strong. She wouldn’t give in to her sudden fierce awareness of him as a man. That was her problem, not his, and he mustn’t be allowed to suspect. She closed her eyes, trying to banish him.

Yet he was stubborn and awkward, lingering on the edge of her consciousness, demanding entry to remind her once more how her heart was eagerly opening to him, reproaching her for not feeling it before.

‘No,’ she cried desperately. ‘You mustn’t- I mustn’t- No, please!’’

‘Charlie!’

‘No-no-’

‘Charlie-wake up!’

She could feel his hands, grasping her firmly until she opened her eyes and realised that Travis had come into the room. He was sitting on the bed, holding her shoulders and giving her a gentle shake.

‘Wake up,’ he said. ‘Charlie, please wake up.’

‘Oh-yes-yes-’

‘Are you awake now?’

‘Yes,’ she choked.

‘My poor dear. Such a terrible nightmare you must have had. You sounded in agony.’

‘You could hear me?’ she cried, aghast. Whatever had she said? What had she revealed?

‘I could hear you in my room, through two closed doors. I know you sent me away before but I couldn’t leave you to suffer alone like that. I heard you call, “I mustn’t-no, please”. What’s so terrible that you mustn’t do it? Come on, you can tell me. I’m your brother, remember?’

That was the one thing he would never be again, she thought desperately. He was a man, with all a man’s attractions. She’d deluded herself about this before, but never again.

Now he was lying down on the bed, his arms about her in a hug that devastated her with its hint of things she might yearn for but could never claim. The blankets were between them and she clung to that thought for safety, because she so desperately wished that they weren’t. Even so, she could feel the shape of his body, its warmth and power, its promise of delight for a woman he had chosen.

But she was not that woman. He hadn’t chosen her. He’d turned to her in despair.

‘What was the dream about?’ he whispered.

‘I’m…not sure. It was so vague-’

‘But you sounded scared. You were pleading. Who were you pleading with?’

I was pleading with myself not to fall in love with you, pleading for strength and common sense to save me from what I want so much.

‘Nobody,’ she said. ‘Nothing.’

‘You’re lying. Why? What is it that you can’t tell me?’

I can never tell you anything again.

‘I can’t remember,’ she forced herself to say. ‘It’s over now. I can go back to sleep.’

‘You want me to go?’

‘You’ve got a long day tomorrow,’ she said with an attempt at brightness. ‘You must think of that.’

‘I see. All right, I’ll go.’

There was a faintly forlorn note in his voice, almost as though he felt snubbed. But she barely heard it through her own feeling of rejection. She waited until he’d gone, then rolled over and curled up in a ball, as though trying to shut out the whole world. She stayed like that, wide awake and fretting, for the rest of the night.

CHAPTER NINE

NEXT morning she told him about Lee and Penny’s engagement.

‘Oh, Charlie, I’m sorry. Was it very painful for you?’

‘Not at all. Over and done with.’

‘The one I’m sorry for is Penny,’ he mused. ‘Her contract has just been renewed for next season’s show. So far, his hasn’t. But with her to fight his corner-’ He shrugged.

‘Let’s hope things work out well for them both,’ she said.

It was strange to recall how this would once have broken her heart, but that was before her new awareness of Travis as a man. While it was only his kind friendship that had touched her it had been easy to keep a sense of proportion. But since she’d seen him nearly naked everything had been different.

‘What is it?’ he asked suddenly.

‘What’s what?’

‘That look on your face, as though you’d discovered a secret joke. What have I said that’s funny?’