‘That’s what
A soft buzz came from the screen.
‘You’ve got an email,’ she said. ‘I’m going back to bed. So should you. Get some sleep.’
She slipped away and ran back to her room, telling herself that she was glad of the interruption that had saved her from saying and doing things that she would regret.
If she tried really hard she might even manage to believe that.
Mark and Frankie were instinctively happy outdoors. Town life bored them, and escaping to the island lifted them to seventh heaven. They revelled in the visit to Harriet’s little yacht, and the trip out to sea, gaining particular pleasure from their father’s ignorance, even greater than their own, and the way he addressed Harriet as ‘Captain’. Several times Harriet caught them exchanging knowing glances.
At home she took charge, banishing Darius to the office to catch up with his work while she and Kate saw to supper.
‘Isn’t Dad having supper with us?’ Mark asked.
‘The poor man’s got to do a little work,’ Harriet said. ‘Last night he worked late so that he could spend the day with you. Now, I’ll take his supper in to him.’
‘Are you and Dad going to get married?’ Frankie asked.
‘It’s much too soon to think of anything like that,’ Harriet said quickly. ‘We’re just friends for now, and we’re not rushing it. Don’t mention it to him.’
Frankie nodded wisely. Harriet was left staring at Darius’s office door. He’d been closing it when Frankie asked her question, and although Harriet tried to believe that he couldn’t have heard anything she’d noticed the way the door was suddenly still for a moment, before being shut.
At the end of the evening he emerged to join them for a walk with Phantom, and perhaps only Harriet noticed that he was unusually quiet. Later, when the children had gone to bed and the house was quiet, it wasn’t a surprise when he knocked on her bedroom door.
‘I just wanted to say I’m sorry that Frankie embarrassed you,’ he said, coming in. ‘She’s too young to understand that…well, things have to happen slowly.’
‘You’re right,’ she said. ‘Going slowly can save you from a lot of mistakes.’
‘Does that mean anything special?’ he asked, almost daring to hope.
‘I guess it does.’ She fell silent.
‘Harriet,’ he whispered, ‘don’t shut me out. Not any more.’
She sighed. ‘I rushed into marriage with Brad…I was so young…ah, well…’
‘Don’t stop there,’ he begged. ‘Talk to me. You keep everything bolted and barred, and you shouldn’t.’
‘I know. I don’t mean to but I’ve hidden the truth for so long that it’s hard to change now. My neighbours think we were the perfect couple, and that’s what I wanted them to think. I’d have been ashamed for them to know the truth. I loved Brad so much but he…well, he just took my love for granted and did as he liked.’
‘Go on,’ he said gently. ‘Harriet, please tell me everything. You know so much about me, but you hide from me and keep me on the outside.’
She drew away suddenly and went to the window, throwing back her head, breathing harshly. She felt as though she were being torn in two directions. It had taken her so long to reach this point and now her courage was failing her. She saw Darius watching her closely, with an expression so gentle that she reached out to him without even realising.
At once he went to her. ‘Tell me,’ he said again. ‘Don’t shut me out. If only I could make you understand how important it is.’
‘Why?’ she whispered.
He answered by laying his lips tenderly on hers, leaving them for just a moment.
‘Can you understand now?’ he asked.
She searched his face. ‘I’m not sure. I’m so confused.’
‘Trust me, Harriet. That’s all I ask.’
She rested her head against him. ‘Our marriage was a mistake. I rushed into love, and when it went wrong I wouldn’t admit to myself that he wasn’t the man I’d thought. I don’t think he was ever really faithful to me, but nobody else knew because he was away so often.
‘In the end he left me for a woman he’d met in America. He went to live with her over there, and they died together in a car crash. I still have the last letter he wrote me, demanding a quick divorce because his lover was pregnant. That really hurt because I’d always wanted children and he was the one who insisted on waiting.
‘It’s strange, but after what he did to me, the thing I’ll really never be able to forgive him for is the way he abandoned Phantom. That poor dog adored him. When Brad was away he’d sit at the window, watching and watching until he returned. Then he’d go mad with happiness.
‘I loved Phantom too, but I always knew I was second best to him. And when Brad said he was leaving him behind-I couldn’t believe he could be so cruel. It was
Darius uttered one word, vulgar and full of feeling.
‘That’s what I said,’ Harriet agreed.
‘I’ll never forget the day he left. Phantom watched him loading his things into the car. He began to wail, then to howl, and he ran after Brad and tried to get between him and the front door. I’ll swear he knew what was happening, and was begging not to be left behind.
‘Brad pushed him aside and shouted at him. Then he went out and got into the car. Phantom followed, but suddenly everything seemed to drain out of him, and he just sat there in the road while the car vanished. I hated Brad at that moment. I could forgive him for leaving me, but not for breaking that poor creature’s heart.
‘After that, Phantom sat at the window every day, waiting for his return. Then one day he didn’t go to the window, but just lay there staring into space. He knew it was final.
‘I’ve tried to make it up to him. I tell him how much I love him, and I promise that I’ll never, never desert him or let him down in any way.’
‘Harriet, you’re talking about him as though he was a person.’
‘I suppose that’s how I think of him, except that he’s more loyal and loving than any human being. I think he’s happy with me now, but I wonder if he still mourns Brad.’
‘Perhaps that depends on you,’ Darius said carefully. ‘If he can tell that
‘But I don’t,’ she said, a little too quickly, he thought. ‘He’s a part of my life that’s over. I love Phantom for his own sake. How could I not love him when he’s so lovable?’
‘And when he reminds you of Brad,’ Darius said. ‘Are you sure you aren’t hiding from the truth, just a little? Are you really over him?’
‘That was another life, another world. It doesn’t even feel like me any more.’
That was a clever reply, he thought wryly, because it sounded like a denial without actually being one.
‘What about this world?’ he asked, choosing his words carefully.
‘This is the one that matters. I know that. It’s just so hard to know where I belong in it. Sometimes I feel I never will know.’ She searched his face.
‘I can help you there,’ he said, laying his mouth over hers and murmuring through the kiss. ‘This is where you belong, in my arms, in my heart.’
She silenced him with the soft pressure of her own mouth, reaching up to caress his face before sliding one hand behind his head. She’d fought so hard to cling onto caution, but now she banished it without another thought. Whatever pain the future might hold, she would risk it in return for the beauty of this moment.
When she felt him drawing her to the bed she went willingly. Now everything in her wanted what was about to happen. Fear and mistrust were set aside as she felt a new self coming to life within her, and knew that this was the self that was always meant to be, a self that could yield joyfully to passion, but for whom tenderness mattered as much, or even more.
For, dazzling as was the physical pleasure, it was the look in his eyes that made her sigh with happiness as he brought her to the moment they both longed for. And afterwards it was the strength of his arms around her that
