‘Not the church. The money is for the new baby unit that we’re building at the hospital. Costs are spiralling out of control, and without the loan we might have had to give up the work. It was my decision to sponsor that unit but, as I say, I have no gift for finance.’ He grimaced. ‘The archbishop is not pleased with me.’
‘But you managed it?’ Luca asked.
‘On conditions. The bank wants guarantors, so now I must go around local businessmen asking each of them to guarantee part of the loan. And they all know what I want, and will run when I approach.’
‘Then don’t approach them,’ Luca said.
‘I don’t understand.’
‘I’ll take care of it.’
‘You mean you will guarantee the loan?’
‘No, I mean you don’t need a loan. I’ll give you the money.’
Father Valetti looked doubtful, and Luca gave him a wry smile. ‘It’s all right, I have the money. I won’t let you down. Will it be enough, or will the unit need more?’
‘You can afford more?’ the priest asked, wide-eyed.
Luca took out his cellphone and dialled Sonia.
‘How long will it take to transfer three million euros?’ he asked. ‘Can you do it in twenty-four hours? Good. Then send it to this destination.’
He read out from a piece of paper that the priest hastily scribbled for him. When he hung up he spoke in a hard voice.
‘I’d like the baby unit named after my daughter.’
‘Of course.’
‘Rebecca Montese. Not Solway.’
‘It shall be done. It is most generous-’
Luca shook his head to silence his thanks. ‘Let me know if you need more,’ he said. He handed the priest a card. ‘This is my headquarters in Rome. That number will get you through to my assistant, and she will call me, any time. Are you ready to go?’ This was to Rebecca.
On the way home she struggled with her thoughts. She wanted to thank him, but was checked by the feeling that she had no right to. In a strange way his action had had nothing to do with her. Luca had reclaimed his daughter, but he’d done so alone, in a way that excluded her.
Now she understood how much hope she had invested in this moment. She had never realised that it could strand her in limbo.
Why? she asked herself as they headed home in the gathering dusk. Why had it happened like this? She had thought they were travelling a road that would bring them together, but she’d been deluding herself. Luca had turned off abruptly onto another road where all could be made well with money. He was, after all, a businessman, and she had been foolish to forget it.
What price one daughter? Three million euros. Signed, sealed and sorted.
You couldn’t criticise a man who’d just endowed a baby unit and potentially saved many lives. Not even if you knew he’d bolted and barred his own heart in the process.
The cottage was still mercifully warm as they hurried in and settled determinedly into the domestic details, as though in them lay safety.
He did not speak during the meal, except to thank her. When she stole a look at his face she found it set like stone. Never once did she find him looking at her, or seeking in any way to reach out to her.
Darkness was falling as she went outside to collect more logs for the range. As she worked her mind was turning, making plans. She knew now that her future must be without Luca. He had dealt with this in his own way, and it could not be her way. He could not have made it plainer that he did not need her, and from now on their roads lay apart.
It was good that her love for him had died, and none of this hurt as much as it might once have done. She told herself this, and tried hard to believe it.
She had just finished piling logs in her arms, when she heard the first scream.
At first she couldn’t imagine what it was, and stood listening. After a moment the scream came again, and then again. There was no doubt now that they were coming from inside the cottage. Dropping the logs, she began to run.
Luca was sitting where she’d left him, his hands on the table. His fists were clenched, but he wasn’t punching this time, just leaning on them, his head down, while the sounds that came from him were those of a tormented animal. A bear, caught in an agonising steel trap, might have made those sounds.
On and on they went while she watched in horror. He seemed unable to stop.
‘Luca-’
He straightened up and raised his fists to his head, covering his eyes, while the terrible howls went on.
It was ghastly, and worst of all was her realisation of her own stupidity. She had thought him unfeeling because he didn’t speak of his emotions, but what he felt went too deep for that. He was telling her now, without words, that he suffered to the point of madness.
‘Darling…’ she whispered, putting her arms about him.
At once his own arms went around her, and he buried his face against her, clinging to her, as though there was nothing else in the world that could make him feel safe.
It had been bad enough when she first told him, and he’d punched the wall, but that was nothing. Today had come near to destroying him, and he was begging for her help in the only way he could.
‘All these years,’ he gasped, ‘she’s been alone-we never knew-’
‘No, we never knew. But we won’t let her be alone any more. Luca, Luca…’
She wanted to say a million things but now it was she who could not find words. She could only murmur his name over and over while she held him close, feeling his shoulders shake with the sobs that had been held in for fifteen years.
When, at last, the storm abated he leaned wearily against her, still trembling, but growing quieter.
‘It just happened suddenly,’ he said huskily. ‘One moment I was coping, and the next I was engulfed in hell.’
‘Yes, that’s what happened to me. There’s no defence against it. You have to feel it until it passes.’
‘Does it pass?’ he asked in a voice that tore her heart with its despair.
‘In the end, yes. But you have to feel it first.’
‘I can’t do it alone.’
‘You don’t have to. I’m here. You’re not alone.’
He looked up at her, his face ravaged and stained with tears.
‘I’ll be alone when you leave.’
She took his face between her hands and kissed him gently.
‘Then I won’t leave.’
At first he didn’t react, as though she had said something too momentous to be true. Then he said,
‘You don’t mean that.’
‘I can’t leave you, Luca. I love you. I’ve always loved you, and I always will. We belong together.’
Very slowly he drew back a few inches, and laid his hand over her stomach, looking up with a question in his eyes.
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘It’s true.’
Silently he laid his face against her again, not trembling now, but finally at peace. When she took his hand he followed her into her room without protest.
CHAPTER TWELVE
AS THE first light came through the window Luca said softly,
‘I thought you were never going to tell me that you were carrying our child.’
‘How long have you known?’
