‘Drago, I’m not sorry we met. I’ll never regret that, however hard it was.’
‘Nor I. ’ He looked down and spoke awkwardly. ‘In some ways I’m glad I didn’t meet you earlier, when I was still married to Carlotta. There would have been…problems.’
‘I know,’ she whispered.
‘We’d better be moving.’
He waited while she checked in, then came to the barrier with her.
‘This is as far as I can go,’ he said.
But that wasn’t what he really meant; she knew. It was as far as they could go together.
‘Goodbye, Drago.’
‘Goodbye.’
For a moment she thought he would kiss her, but instead he pulled her close for a fierce embrace, which she went into willingly. Holding him, feeling him hold her, she told herself that this was the last time she would seek refuge in him, and feel him seek it in her. And a tide of regret swept over her.
‘That’s your flight they’re calling,’ he said with a sudden husky note in his voice. ‘You’d better hurry.’
But he didn’t release her.
‘Yes, I suppose I must.’
‘Hey, are you crying?’
‘Yes,’ she choked.
She tightened her arms again, then released him and moved away quickly. As she went through Passport Control, she wiped her tears and took a last glance back at him, blaming herself for being glad he was still there. Then the check on her hand luggage. Another few moments and he would be out of her life for ever.
One final look. Just one. And there was his hand raised in farewell, and his smile seeming to call her back.
And that was it, she thought. That was the mystery about their brief time together-every moment of it a contradiction of the moment before, each truth denying the others. She’d been drawn to him from the first, even while she’d raged at him. He’d made her stronger. She could only hope that she had done the same for him.
It was evening when the plane touched down, and the cold struck her as soon as she was outside. It was different from the cold of the mountains, which had been fresh and invigorating. This was merely depressing.
The queue for the taxi took ages, and she took the chance to call him.
‘Safely down,’ she said.
‘Good. I’d say go home and have a good rest, but I guess there’ll be a pile of messages waiting for you there.’
‘I’d rather be back in the mountains.’
‘So would I-One moment.’
Alysa could hear Tina calling in the background. So she was home now, and naturally wanted her father’s attention after having been away from him.
‘I have to go,’ she said. ‘Goodbye. And thank you for everything.’
‘Goodbye, Alysa-and thank you.’
To her relief the taxi came, and she could force her mind back to the present and the future. Gradually the lights of London enfolded her again, and she told herself that it was good to come home. She said that several times.
Her apartment was chilly. As soon as she entered she saw a light winking on her phone, telling her that there was a message. She picked it up and found it was Brian.
‘Welcome back. I knew I could rely on you. I’ve made an appointment with your new client for tomorrow afternoon. That’ll give me time to brief you in the morning. Frank’s furious that he couldn’t steal a march on you. I thought you’d enjoy that. Get a good night’s sleep and be ready for action.’
She switched off and looked around the empty apartment, seeing it with new eyes. How bare it was! How long had it been like that? And she hadn’t noticed. It spoke of a woman who hardly existed, inside whose heart nothing happened.
She wondered what Drago was doing now.
Next day Frank scowled to see her back, which really was satisfying. She listened to Brian’s briefing, taking in every word, and when she met the client that afternoon everything went well. On the surface it was just as before.
But later, when Brian had finished praising her, he added, considering her, ‘You’ve changed. I can’t quite work out how, but it’s good. I have great hopes of you, Alysa.’
As winter faded into spring, and then into summer, she took on more clients, worked hard and won approving looks from her employers. Unlike Brian, few people were perceptive enough to discern the difference. Her apartment would have given a clue, becoming less stark and functional, but the real change was in her mind and heart, both of which seemed to flower again.
One night she took home a tape-recording of a conference that had been held within the firm eight months previously, wanting to check whether she had really said what the notes stated.
The sound of her own voice made her lean back in her chair, shocked. It might have been a machine talking, so dead and cold did she sound. Now she knew what Drago had heard, and why he had feared for her.
He was with her-unseen, unheard, but a constant presence. She had only to think of him to feel safe again, as though his arms were still holding her. With James there had been a constant yearning for a man who, she now realised, had never really been there. But she did not miss Drago, for how could you miss someone who was always with you?
At last a letter came from him.
I wanted you to know how different things are with me since you were here. Not all the ghosts have been laid to rest, but the worst of them leave me in peace now. I sleep at night, and when I awake I confront the day ahead without despair. I once thought this could never happen, but now I know that there is one person who knows and understands, and that knowledge is enough to give me strength. Even if we never meet again, you are still here with me in spirit, and you give me the courage I need. I hope with all my heart that it is the same with you. God bless you.
She wrote back.
You brought me back to life. I had become dead inside, and would have stayed that way always, but for you. It’s a strange and confusing feeling to reawaken, and I don’t yet know who this new person is. But, whoever she is, you made her free to grieve and one day, perhaps soon, she will be well again. For this you will always be dear to me.
He did not write again, nor did she expect him to. They had set each other on a new path, but it led away into the unknown, and they must travel it separately. Sometimes she remembered his words-that he was glad they had not met before because she would have threatened his loyalty to his wife. Who knew where that road might have led? But not yet. Perhaps not ever.
Her sleep, once so blank, had begun to be troubled with dreams. James seemed to haunt her as he’d never done before. She would see his face in that last meeting, but when she approached him he always vanished.
‘Where are you?’ she cried. ‘Where are you?’
But when she awoke to find herself sitting up in bed she knew that she hadn’t been calling to James, but to someone else, and that he was already with her. Then she would lie down and sleep again in peace.
She began studying him again on the internet, and soon managed to access Italian newspapers, including one that was local to Florence. It was a ready source of information, as excitement was rising about a mediaeval church that Drago was restoring. Work had slowed the previous year owing to many unexpected problems, but now things were moving again, as Drago seemed infused with new inspiration. It had caused him to insist on changing things that had previously seemed settled, replacing them with better ideas.
There were pictures, showing her the building before Drago had started work-tired-looking and down-at-heel. Now as it neared completion she could see its magnificence restored through his genius, and she felt a sudden happiness, for she thought she knew the source of his new life.
An increase of work left her no time to follow his progress for a while, and it was almost a week before she was able to seek him out on-line. Then she saw something that almost made her heart stop:
