over she had still given no sign. At last Sol came in.
‘Anything?’
‘No.’ He pointed to the envelope. ‘Thanks.’
‘Did it tell you what you wanted to know?’
‘It told me a lot more than I wanted to know. I think I even know why she didn’t call me before coming out here.’
‘Well, the two of you can sort it out next time she wakes up. OK-my turn.’
Carlo went to the door, but he couldn’t resist turning for a last hopeful look at Della.
It took all his self-control to stand there, unknown to her, watching her suffer but unable to offer her any comfort. He clenched and unclenched his hands, willing her to awaken while he was still here.
‘Sol-’
The voice from the bed was so faint that they had to strain to hear it.
‘Sol, are you there?’ Della reached out as she spoke, grasping frantically at the air.
‘I’m here,’ he said quickly, taking her hand and returning to the chair by the bed. ‘Just as I was last time.’
‘I thought you’d gone.’
‘No, I’ll be here as long as you want me.’
‘I’m just being silly. I’m sorry. I get these funny ideas.’
‘What kind of ideas?’
‘Just fancies. I imagined-’
Sol looked over his shoulder. Silently Carlo mouthed, Tell her.
‘There’s something I’ve got to tell you,’ Sol said, turning back to Della. ‘Carlo’s been here. He heard about what happened and he’s worried about you.’
Carlo waited for her to smile, to call for him, but instead she was suddenly frantic.
‘You haven’t let him in here?’ she cried in a cracked voice. ‘Promise me that you haven’t.’
‘Mum-’
‘You won’t let him in here, will you?’
‘But I thought you still-’
‘Thought I what?’
‘You know,’ he said, uneasy and embarrassed.
‘Still love him?’
‘Yeah. That.’
In the doorway Carlo tensed, waiting for her answer. The silence seemed to go on for ever.
‘Of course I love him,’ Della said softly. ‘And I always will. But it’s too late. I couldn’t bear him to see me like this. You haven’t let him in, have you?’
Faced with her mounting agitation Sol had no choice but to say, ‘No, I swear I haven’t.’ He saw Carlo’s hands raised in protest and gave him a desperate shrug as if to say, What else could I do?
‘He mustn’t see me.’ Della’s voice rose to a cry. ‘Promise me-promise me-’
‘I promise-Mum, I promise. But I think you’re wrong. The guy loves you, for Pete’s sake.’
‘He loved me as I was then, but he’s never seen me like this, and I don’t want him to.’
Carlo had recovered enough to mouth, Makes no difference.
‘Maybe it wouldn’t make any difference,’ Sol recited obediently.
‘That’s what he’d say,’ Della murmured. ‘And he’d mean it, because he’s kind and generous, but I couldn’t put such a burden on him. It wouldn’t be fair.’
‘Maybe love isn’t fair,’ Sol replied, repeating Carlo’s silent message.
‘It isn’t. If it were-if love was fair-I could find a way not to love him so much. I’ve tried not to-I thought I could forget-be strong-but he’s always there. No, it’s not fair-’
Sol looked up again, expecting some direction, but Carlo was leaning against the wall, his face distorted, his hands hanging helplessly by his sides. It was as if Della last words had knocked the strength out of him.
‘Perhaps you don’t really want him to go?’ Sol suggested, dragging some inspiration from inside himself.
‘That’s very clever of you, darling. It’s true, I don’t want to lose what we had, but I can only keep it now by letting it go and remembering.’
‘Let me bring him here,’ Sol urged.
‘No-no! You mustn’t do that. Sol, I’m trusting you. I can trust you, can’t I? You wouldn’t deceive me about this?’
‘No, I-Of course you can trust me, Mum.’
‘Don’t you see why I could never let Carlo see me this way? I want him to remember me as I was the last time he saw me.’ Her lips curved in a sudden smile. ‘It was the awards night. I was dressed to kill and I know I looked good-you saw the tape-my best ever. He was there, and he saw me. I’ll never look as good as that again. But it doesn’t matter because he’ll never know. He’ll remember me as I was that night, and that’s what I want.’
‘But think of all your life-’ Sol began to argue.
‘I can manage if I know he’s all right. What I couldn’t bear is to tie him down when he should be flying.’
‘Flying?’
‘On the first day he told me about his ambitions, how he wanted to do something that could send him soaring. No nine-to-five job or collar and tie for him. That’s what I want for him, too. I couldn’t bear to be the one to take it away.’
‘Can you really live on memories for ever?’ Sol asked.
Again she smiled-an incredible smile, breathtaking in its happiness.
‘I have the very best memories,’ she said softly.
After that there was silence. When Sol looked at the door again, Carlo had gone.
CHAPTER TWELVE
DOWN the side of the hospital ran a narrow street, lined with small shops and cafes, some with outside tables. At one of them sat Carlo, drinking coffee, staring fiercely at the floor.
‘Well, look who’s here!’
He looked up to see Ruggiero pulling out chairs for Hope and himself. His brother called the waiter and ordered prosecco all round.
‘Is that her window up there?’ Hope asked, pointing to the hospital.
‘That’s right. The third one along. How did you know I was here?’
‘We’ve been spying on you, of course,’ Ruggiero said. ‘What else?’
‘Why aren’t you with her?’ Hope demanded. ‘That’s where you belong.’
‘So I thought,’ he said heavily. ‘But I was wrong. She doesn’t want to see me. The mere idea upsets her.’
‘Because she no longer loves you?’
‘Because she thinks I won’t want her now she’s injured.’
‘Perhaps she’s right?’ Hope said carefully. ‘She’ll be a heavy responsibility.’
His eyes flashed. ‘Do you think I’m afraid of that?’
Hope looked at him thoughtfully for a moment.
‘No,’ she said at last. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘But she does.’
‘Then you must convince her otherwise. It should be easy, since she loves you so much. After all, she came back to find you.’
‘Yes, I think she did. But the crash has changed everything-not for me, but for her.
‘Nonsense. She still wants you. Nothing has changed,’ Hope said robustly. ‘Your mother says so, and your mother is always right.’
He gave a faint smile, but looked at her curiously. ‘At one time you were against her.’
‘In those days I was a stupid woman. I didn’t understand her, but most of all I didn’t understand you. I see more clearly now.’
