She tried to free herself, but she could not. She looked in his eyes, and she hated what she saw there, the uncompromising hardness.
'What rights have you got!' she choked out. 'You ride in whenever you choose… You may feel you have obligations, but that is all you have! I—
'I ride in when I can get here!' he snapped, shaking her again. Her head fell back, and her eyes, glazed suddenly with tears, stared into his. 'Lady, there is a war being fought out there! You know that. Of all women, you know that. I have done everything that is humanly possible, I have given you everything —'
'No! No, you have not given me everything! You have never given me the least little part of your —'
'I could have been killed. I don't know how many times I could have been killed on some stinking battlefield, and I wouldn't even have known I had a son!'
'Let me go!'
'No!'
'Please!' He was so close to her, and he felt so good. He was so warm, and she could feel the hardness of his body, and the touch of his hands. She wanted to touch his face and soothe away the lines around his eyes, and she wanted to fill the emptiness in his heart. She wanted to see his eyes alight with passion again. As she thought of the passion they had known together, her breasts seemed to fill again, but it was not for her child this time, it was for him. She needed to be held, to be touched.
To be loved.
'Please!' she repeated softly. She was so glad to see him, and their time together should be a precious respite against the war that raged on around them.
'Cole, I wanted to tell you when you were here, but all of a sudden we were fighting, because Major Emery had committed the horrible sin of telling me that you had been hurt. Mr. Cole Slater had been hurt, cut open and left bleeding, and he just couldn't bear that! Well, you are human, Cole, and you're supposed to bleed! And I should hurt for you, too, because damn it, what happened was awful!'
'Kristin, stop —'
'No! No, I will not stop! What have you got now? One week, one day? One lousy hour? Not long, I'll warrant. There are too many Federals around. So you stop, and you listen to me! I am grateful to you, Cole, eternally grateful. And I've been glad of this bargain of ours, heartily glad. You have fulfilled every promise you ever made me. But don't you dare yell at me now! I didn't write because I didn't want you getting killed, because I was afraid of your temper.'
'My temper! I would never —'
'Yes, you would! You would have taken foolish chances to get here. You would have been afraid because of what happened to you with —'
She broke off, remembering that Emery had said that his wife had been pregnant when she had been killed.
'Oh, God, Cole, I'm sorry. I just realized that you would probably rather that she… that I '
'What the hell are you saying?' he asked hoarsely.
Kristin shook her head miserably. 'Your wife, your first wife… You were expecting a child. I'm sorry, you must be thinking of her, that you would prefer —'
'That she had lived? That you had died? My God, Kristin, don't you ever say such a thing, don't you even think it, do you hear me?' He caught her against him. He threaded his fingers roughly through her hair, and suddenly he lowered his head and buried his face in the fragrant strands. 'Don't you ever, ever think that!' he repeated. Then he looked at her again, and he smiled. It was a weary smile, and she saw how much the past few years had aged him, and her heart ached.
'He is a beautiful boy. He is the most wonderful child I've ever seen. And he is mine. Thank you. Thank you so very much.'
'Oh, Cole!' she whispered. She was dangerously close to tears. He saw it and his tone changed.
'I'd still like to tan your hide for keeping the truth from me!'
'Cole, I really didn't mean to. I was afraid. I'm always afraid, it seems.'
'I know, I know.' He held her against him.
'Cole, you must be starved. Let me go down and have Delilah —'
'No, not now.'
'Cole, you must need —'
He stepped away from her.
'I need my wife,' he said. 'I very, very badly need my wife.'
He bent his head and kissed her, and then he lifted her into his arms and they fell upon the bed together.
'We have a son, Kristin,' he said, and she laughed. 'We have a son, and he's beautiful, and… and so are you.'
It was a long, long time before either of them thought of any other kind of sustenance.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The days that followed were glorious for Kristin. It wasn't that anything had been settled between them. It was just that for a time they seemed to have achieved a private peace, and it was wonderful.
They did not stray far from the house. Cole explained how hard it had been to elude the patrols to reach her. But Kristin knew her own land, and she knew where they could safely travel. They picnicked on the banks of the river with the baby, and while he slept they splashed in the deliriously cool water. Kristin was first shocked and then ridiculously excited to dare to strip away her clothes in the broad daylight and make love in the water.
In the evening they sat beneath the moon and felt the cool breezes play over them. Kristin listened while Cole and Samson talked about what was left of the herd, and it seemed that everything that was said began with the words 'When the war is over…'
At night, lying curled against her husband's body, Kristin asked him if he thought the war would ever end. He hesitated a long time, stroking her hair.
'It's ending now, Kristin. We're being broken down bit by bit, like a beautiful animal chewed to bits by fleas. We never had the power. We never had the industry. We never had the men. It's going to end. If the Confederacy holds out another year I'll be surprised. Well, we went a long way on courage and tactics. But that Lincoln is a stubborn cuss. Tenacious. He's held on to his Union, so it seems.'
He sounded tired, but not bitter. Kristin stroked his chest. 'Can't you just stay here now? If you know you're losing…'
'I can't stay, Kristin. You know that.'
'I don't know anything of the kind! You've done your best for the Confederacy! You can't —'
'Kristin, Kristin!' He caught her hands. 'I'm an outlaw as long as the war is on. If I stay here, I'll be in terrible danger. If some glory-seeking commander hears about it, he might just waltz in and string me up. If I'm going to die, I'd rather it be fighting than dangling from the end of a rope!'
'Cole, stop it —'
'And it isn't over, Kristin. I'm in the game and I have to stay with it. If I don't go back, Malachi will come here and shoot me for a traitor.'
'He would not!'
'Well, someone would,' he said.
'Cole —'
'Kristin, I have to go back.'
'Cole —'
He rolled over and swept her into his arms and kissed her and then looked into her eyes. 'When I ride now, I will think of my son. Thank you for Gabe, Kristin. Thank you.' He nuzzled her lips and kissed her forehead and her throat and the valley between her breasts. She tried to keep talking, to keep arguing, but he nuzzled his way down the length of her torso, and she grew breathless and couldn't speak. When he had finished she couldn't remember what she had wanted to say, only that it was terribly important that she hold him as long as she could.
The next day Kristin was overjoyed when Matthew arrived unexpectedly. He quickly warned her that both he and Cole could be shot if they were caught together. Still, for a few hours, it was a wonderful homecoming. Matthew admired his nephew, and Shannon clung to her brother, and Delilah managed a fine feast. Then Cole and
