Arthur. I shouldn't take it out on you. I'm just… scared, that's all. Scared
that something bad's going to happen to Holly, and I won't be there to stop it.
I've always been her protector, even more than Jamie; standing between her and
the bad old world. Taking all the knocks and bruises so she wouldn't have to.
I'd die for her, Arthur. But all I can do now is sit on my backside and wait for
something to go wrong. I just feel so bloody helpless!'
'We all do, Davey. Save your strength. Save it for when it's needed.'
David sighed heavily. 'I never was very good at waiting. I've always needed to
be doing something, anything.'
'Our time will come. In the meantime, why not have a drink?'
David looked at him sternly. 'That's your answer to everything, isn't it? Get
smashed out of your mind till the world stops bothering you. Don't you know that
stuff's killing you?'
'Sure,' said Arthur. 'But what makes you think I give a damn? Nobody else does,
so why should I buck the trend? It's not enough just to live, Davey; there has
to be some purpose in it, some reason to get out of bed in the morning. And I
never found one.
'For a while I tried to be the kind of man my Family wanted, but after they all
died I lost interest. There didn't seem any point in it once they were gone. I
had all the money I'd ever need, and the estate practically runs itself. So,
mostly I just settled for having a good time. Believe me, Davey, you'd be
surprised how deadly dull having a good time can be after a while. One party
blurs into another, the days drag on, and sometimes you think the night is never
going to end. I can't seem to get interested in anything anymore. Nothing really
matters to me. Except you and Holly. You're important to me, Davey. You do know
that, don't you?'
'Of course,' said David. 'We've always been friends, the three of us. Always
will be.'
'Friends,' said Arthur. 'Yes.' He took a long drink from his glass.
'You need a woman in your life,' said David. 'Surely at all those parties there
must have been someone, some woman who made your heart beat faster…'
'There was one woman I loved. But I never told her.'
'Why not?'
'Because I cared for her too much to ruin her life by becoming a part of it.
I've messed up my own life quite thoroughly. I'm damned if I'll drag her down
with me. Besides, she already has someone, someone who'll make her much happier
than I ever could.'
David shook his head. 'Arthur, you mustn't think so badly of yourself.'
'Why not? Everyone else does. Even you.'
'That's different. I'm your friend. All your friends worry about you.'
'Friends,' said Arthur, sipping at his drink. 'I used to think I had a lot of
friends. After all, there's no one so popular as a drunk with money. But I had
to make out my will the other week. Instructions from the Family lawyer. So
there I was, sitting at my desk in my study, and I found there was hardly anyone
I wanted to leave anything to. I know lots of people, but the only time I ever
see them are at parties. Not one of them ever called at my house during the day
to say hello, or ask how I was, or just to chat for a while over a glass of
something. In the end, I found there were only three people in my life who I
thought might regret my passing. You, Holly, and Louis Hightower. That's it. And
be honest now. How many of you would even bother to come to my funeral if it was
raining?'
'There is nothing so boring as a maudlin drunk,' said David firmly. 'If you're
just going to feel sorry for yourself…'
'It's a dirty job,' said Arthur. 'But someone has to do it.'
'Oh, stop it! Of course you have other friends. What about Jamie?'
'He's your friend, not mine. He just puts up with me because of you and Holly.'
'Look, if you're so determined to kill yourself, why are you dragging it out? Do
the honorable thing and put yourself out of your misery! Oh hell… I'm sorry,
Arthur. You'd think I'd know better by now than to argue with you while you're
drunk. Just… snap out of it. You've got a lot to live for. There's a lot more to
life than drink.'
'I don't care for drugs,' said Arthur. 'I'm a traditionalist at heart.'
'You're just trying to annoy me, aren't you? Look, you can't kill yourself.
Think how upset Holly would be. Now let's change the subject. Gods, you can be
depressing at times, Arthur. You're not the only one with problems, you know. I
have problems too, but you don't see me crying into my wine over them.'
Arthur looked at him steadily. 'You've never had problems. You've always been
handsome and popular. Your Family bend over backwards to indulge you. Women have
been chasing you ever since your voice dropped. You have so many friends your
parties often spill over into a second house. What problems do you have, Davey?
Not being able to choose which shirt to wear next?'
David looked at him for a long moment. 'You know your trouble, Arthur? You're so
wrapped up in your precious self-pity you can't see beyond the end of your own
nose. Haven't you ever wondered why I spend so much time with you and Holly and
Jamie, instead of running off to join the army and see the world, like the rest
of our contemporaries ?'
Arthur frowned. 'That's right. Your Family's famous for its strong tradition of
military service, isn't it? Practically obligatory, from what I've heard. I
suppose I just assumed you had more sense than the rest of your Family. All
right, tell me. Why aren't you in the army?'
'Because the army wouldn't have me. I spent two years cramming with my tutors to
get me past the Military Academy entrance exams, two years working my guts out,
and I still didn't pass. I didn't even come close. 'Whatever it takes to be an
officer, I don't have it. There was nothing my Family could do. There were all
kinds of strings they could have pulled on my behalf, once I got into the
Academy, but not even their influence could persuade the Academy to accept such
a spectacular failure as me.
'They couldn't even get me into the diplomatic corps, where most of our Family's
second-raters end up.
'My father threatened to disown me. Most of my Family aren't talking to me, and
those that are never miss an opportunity to remind me how badly I let them all
down. And as for my friends, practically everyone I grew up with is in the army
now, scattered across the Low Kingdoms, defending our borders. Some of them have
already died doing it. And every time I find a familiar name in the death lists
I think That could have been me. That should have been me. We've more in common
than you think, Arthur.'
Arthur looked at him unflinchingly. 'I'm sorry, Davey. You're right, I should
have known, but I just never thought about it. You see, you're the only man I
ever envied. Because you've got the only thing I ever wanted. You have Holly.'
