pat of butter all ready. Her smile and vivacity suspended as if suddenly frozen.
'I called it off,' Kelly said quietly.
'You can't mean it.' The bread dropped back to the plate. So did the butter. 'You can't. Everyone knows. People have already started buying gifts. You've already moved in with him, bought all that stuff for the apartment yourself, were setting everything up so beautifully…'
'Mom-'
Her mom leaped to a conclusion. 'Did he do something?' In a flurry she changed gears, turned into mother lioness. 'I would have thought better of Jason, but you were gone for a couple weeks, honey. If he went out drinking, or ran up some bills or-'
'No. He didn't do anything like that. He didn't do anything wrong at all. I'm the one who moved out.' Kelly took a breath. 'And there's another thing I have to tell you that's going to be just as hard, so let's get it all done at once. When I was in Paris. I met someone.'
Her mother swallowed hard. 'Well, I have to admit, that's about the last thing in the universe I thought you were going to say. It's so totally unlike you, but, honey-'
'I met my father. The father you always claimed was dead.'
Her mom started to respond, then went silent as stone.
A baby started crying from a nearby child seat. A couple teenagers took the far table by the window, were whispering to each other with gooey eyes. A trio of businessmen in a close booth kept glancing at her mother-they were eating, doing their business, but they obviously appreciated a good-looking woman. As always. Char didn't notice.
'You met your father,' she echoed, in a fainter voice.
'Yeah. I did.'
Her mom shut her eyes for a moment, then seemed to gather herself, find some starch to put in her shoulders. 'Well…damn. That subject is going to take a very long, very private conversation.'
'Yes, it is,' Kelly agreed, in the same painful, soft tone.
Char hesitated. Both of them seemed aware how special their relationship had always been…and how suddenly precarious. But her mom didn't have a long history of loving her for nothing. Given two bulls, she took the one by the horns that she thought was more important. 'We'll talk about your father. But not now. Kelly, please. I can see you're upset, but that
'Mom, could you try and listen?'
'Of course I will.'
Kelly doubted she would or could. Her mom's face was flushing from the neck up, a sure sign she was upset. And when Char was seriously upset, all she wanted to do was act and order and fix, not listen.
Since Kelly had the same flaw, she understood it perfectly. 'I don't know how to explain this well. But Jason always…surrounded me. The closer we came to setting a formal date, the more I felt as if I were facing a sentence in a cage.'
'Don't you think that's a little drastic metaphor?'
'No. I think it's exactly how it was. Jas was always great to me. Always seemed to love me. Always chose me. But, Mom, he always hovered so tightly that I never had a chance to look at anyone else. Test anyone else. Even to test
'And this is terrible how?'
'Not terrible. But it was what Jason wanted. Not what I wanted. And I went along, because there wasn't anything specific that I wanted differently. But I started to feel more and more trapped. That's why I went to Paris to begin with. To be alone. To get a better feel for who I was-'
'Kelly Nicole Rochard, that sounds like the kind of crap coming all too much out of your generation. Psychobabble. An excuse for being irresponsible and selfish.'
'That's not fair,' Kelly said unhappily. 'Come on. When have I ever been irresponsible?'
'You'll disappoint everyone. Your aunts, your cousins. All his family, who are
'I believe I have thought it through.'
'Good men aren't easy to find. Kelly Nicole. You should know that from my life. You don't just throw one away because you get a whim about 'finding yourself.' Oh.' Her mother tossed down the white napkin. 'Frankly, I'm too upset to eat. Or talk. You know perfectly well I'm on your side no matter what you do, anytime or anywhere, but I would like to believe you'll come to your senses about this. I want to think before talking together again. And I want
The baby across the way quit crying. The child's mother, the gooey-eyed couple, the businessmen, all looked at her when Char stood up and hustled for the door, a flash of emotional tears glistening in her eyes. The strangers stared at Kelly as if she must have done something hurtful and awful, as if she were an ogre who should be shot.
Well, Kelly thought desperately, I seem to be batting a thousand.
Everyone was furious with her.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE GLOOMY SKIES were just starting to clear when Kelly walked out of church on Sunday. Maybe some sunshine would lift her mood, she thought, but parking in front of her new apartment, she had to shake her head.
This was so «of how she'd planned to live at her age.
Unfortunately, beggars couldn't be choosers, and right now, she was sure as Sam Hill in the near-beggar class.
She tiptoed in the door, wary of waking her new roommate. Skip was a Notre Dame graduate student, an absolutely wonderful nerd who'd offered to float her the first month's rent until she got her life back together. Hopefully she wouldn't have to stay much longer than a couple months, but she'd left Jason's with little more than her clothes and a few personal things. Her life was requiring a total start-over.
In the meantime, she discovered that the new apartment hadn't changed since before she left. Even though the clock claimed noon, Skip was still asleep. The place was decorated like typical college digs-early-computer. Crates. Formica slabs for desks. Three computers, blinking lights at all times. Cords, thousands of them, writhing like dusty snakes.
The place was unappealing, but Kelly figured it didn't matter, she'd go into work this afternoon. No one would be there on a weekend, so she could get ahead, catch up on some projects. Her office might only be a cubicle, but at least it was hers, with her colors and some light and some privacy.
And she'd leave her cell phone here, so no one could track her down for a few hours. God knew, her phone had been hot since she'd split up with Jason. Via the grapevine, she'd learned that Jason had disappeared to somewhere unknown. That was her fault, too, like everything else.
Jason's mother, and his whole extended family-which was considerable since he was mixed Irish and Polish-had called to lament her behavior, the change in plans, to pray she would ''see reason.' Even Father Donovan had gotten into the scolding act this morning before church, hustling over to offer her advice, thanks to her mother's tattling.
Three weeks ago, Kelly thought morosely, she'd taken her ''darling' status for granted. Now she was under
At least her new roommate was pretty tolerant of the incessant calls. In fact, the little squirt had a protective streak. Skip was about five-three, with wiry hair, no whiskers and little glasses that kept sliding down because he didn't have much of a nose. He ambled out of his bedroom in his boxer shorts, which made Kelly want to sigh. Skip