Yours, Mine & Ours

project you took on,” she said, wanting her voice to come out as cheerful as a stranger’s. Specifically, she wanted to sound like an unfamiliar woman he’d never kissed, and for damn sure, never rattled.

“It’s going to take a lot of hours of blood, sweat and tears, but I’m hoping it’ll turn out.”

His son piped up, “We’re gonna put frogs in the pond. And then we’ll feed them our own worms.”

“Yuck! Mommy,” Molly said.

“Remember. Gracious.” At Amanda’s reminder, Molly bobbed her head in exuberant agreement. And that was when the whole dinner started a crash-dive that just never recovered.

Her sweet daughter looked up at Mike. “We’re going to be gracious to you two even if you’re complete pigs.”

Amanda winced.

“Well. We’ll try not to be pigs for you,” Mike told her. “What would you kids like to drink?”

“Root beer,” his son answered, where Molly said, “Iced tea with a little sugar and a little lemon and two small ice cubes. But not too big a glass because I could spill it. And I can’t spill it because I’m being extra polite today. Thank you. Oh. I mean, please. Right, Mommy?”

Amanda glanced under the table. Nope, no room to hide there.

Teddy said to his dad, “What’s wrong with her?”

“Nothing’s wrong with anyone,” Mike said firmly, and stopped choking long enough to deliver drinks. Everyone but her suddenly impossibly fussy daughter were easily pleased by having only to pop a top.

For a short stretch, food captured everyone’s attention. Molly sat next to her, crossing her legs exactly as Amanda did. Teddy looked at them both across the table as if they were as fascinating-almost-as dead animals. He started a steady round of kicking, only once in a while kicking Amanda-which was far, far better, she thought, than the Armageddon that would follow if he accidentally kicked Molly.

But those few moments of good luck just couldn’t hold. She’d never seen anyone eat as much as Mike-easy proof he was nuts for lasagna. Both kids gained red stains on their clothes, but that was to be expected. One drink spilled. A nearby bee made Molly shriek. Their golden cat with the scary eyes attempted several times to leap on the table.

But it was almost over-and nothing too terrible had happened-until the subject of sex came up.

It wasn’t exactly Mike’s fault. Everybody was shoveling in food, and Mike took the occasion of quiet to murmur sotto voce, “So…did you have the chance to call your vet?”

She answered carefully. “Yes. At least, I reached her office. She’s not in for the next few days. The receptionist said there’s a type of morning-after pill. I’m not sure if it applies. We’ll see.”

“I told you I’d pay.”

“Not necessary,” Amanda started to say, but hearing the words we’ll see triggered a knee-jerk response in her daughter.

“Yeah. You know what we’ll see means. It means we’ll talk about it later. That’s what Mom said about what your dog was doing to our dog.”

“Now, Molly, I didn’t-”

Molly had hunched forward, was looking both male Conroys in the eye with her drama-queen face on. “I don’t get it. Why your dog would hurt my Darling. My dog is sweet and wonderful. I can’t believe you’d let your dog be so mean.”

“Honey,” Amanda said again, but she was drowned out by Teddy’s voice.

“My dog isn’t mean. My dog is the best dog in the whole world. Your dog must have done something,” Teddy informed her.

“My dog didn’t do anything. That’s why I named her Darling. Because she’s a darling. And your dog was hurting her.”

“He was not!”

“Kids,” Amanda said, “Neither dog was hurting the other. Molly, we talked about this.”

“No, we didn’t. You just said the dogs were playing. They weren’t playing. I don’t know why you’re not telling me the truth, but I know what the truth is this time,” Molly said, and turned again to Teddy. “I saw it. I saw your dog on top of my dog. I think your dog should say he’s sorry!”

“Hold it, both of you,” Mike said firmly. “Neither dog was being mean. Neither dog was hurting the other. What was going on was…”

He glanced at Amanda, as if asking permission. But as much as she wanted to make the situation better, right then, she was busy wiping up lasagna spots from the table.

So Mike said, “Listen up. That’s just what a boy and girl dog do when they really, really like each other.”

“Why?” Teddy asked.

“Yeah, why?” Molly echoed.

Again Mike looked at Amanda, this time more desperately. She reached for a spoonful of fruit salad. “Okay,” he said, “but you owe me for this.” And to the kids, he continued, “Because that’s how dogs express when they love each other and want to have puppies.”

“But I love puppies,” Molly said.

“Everybody loves puppies.”

“But you and Mommy were all upset. Why were you all upset if we were going to get puppies!”

“Because,” he said, and almost for sure Amanda felt a big bare hairy foot tapping her ankle, “your dog is very young. And we adults felt that maybe she was too young to have puppies quite yet. That it wouldn’t be good for her until she was a little older.”

“I know what you’re talking about now,” Teddy piped in. “It’s sex. I know all about it,” he informed Molly. “I’ve got a book and everything. I can’t read yet, but it’s got pictures of frog babies and duck babies and stuff. I’m probably going to learn to read next year.”

“I don’t care about sex and reading! I care about puppies!” Molly said.

“That’s just because you’re a girl and you’re stupid.”

“Stop right there!” Both parents said simultaneously. The potential for war simmered in the air, the kids glaring at each other nonstop…but then Teddy said he had to go to the bathroom.

“You’re not going to pee in the yard again, are you?” Molly asked with horror.

Teddy looked at his dad. “You told me I had to be nice. I been nice. I been totally nice. But I can’t be nice all the time.”

“Just go to the bathroom and we’ll talk about it later.”

When Teddy headed into the house, Amanda jumped up and started heaping dishes back in the picnic basket. Her daughter was trying to engage Mike in a further discussion of sex and puppies-Molly had a backbone of steel, and when she wanted something, such as puppies, she could be relentless.

There’d be another chance. Hopefully. Maybe. Conceivably. But right now, keeping the kids together any longer was like rubbing poison ivy on bare skin. The gathering tonight needed a fast curtailment. Amanda figured that the faster they got out of there, the better.

“So,” Molly continued to grill Mike, “how come people have babies? How come people can’t have puppies instead?”

A crash from just inside the house startled the three of them. Mike shot out of his seat, and Amanda was right behind him. Crashes and four-year-olds were never a good sign.

Chapter Five

Amanda only had to step into Mike’s living room to grasp the big picture. Near the fireplace, a table lamp had fallen to the ground, its shade askew, its lightbulb and ceramic base in pieces. A tennis ball was in sight. And Teddy was standing in the bathroom doorway. The instant he heard his dad bang through the screen door, he started crying.

“It wasn’t me, Dad! I didn’t do it! It wasn’t me!”

Amanda watched Mike charge over to his son-initially, she was unsure whether he was angry or annoyed or