The Lamorna Wink

pearly skin and jet-black hair, which looked carved more than cut. The clothes were extremely expensive. So was the skin. So was the hair.

Diane’s gestures were elegance personified, thought Melrose. If only her brain would follow suit.

She said, “You’re making a mountain out of a mole-hole, Melrose.”

“Molehill,” said Melrose.

“Anyway, I’ll bet there are a hundred perfectly easy explanations for all this.”

“None of your hundred reasons will work because she didn’t tell her nephew she was leaving.”

Diane took a leisurely sip of her martini. “Good lord, can you imagine me alerting a nephew?”

“No, but I can imagine me alerting the vice squad,” said Trueblood.

Diane rinsed the olive in her martini and studied it as if checking its marinade status. “How frightfully unfunny, Marshall. My point is that the aunt would be sure to tell him-well, that’s his story.”

Frowning, Melrose asked, “Meaning?”

She cocked her head and raised a satiny eyebrow. “Well, for heaven’s sakes. Meaning it’s the nephew who’s telling you this. It’s he who says she’d never leave without letting him know. How can he be so sure?”

Melrose sat back, a mite surprised. There were times when Diane demonstrated a sort of nuanced thinking. Anyway, it was hard to look at her in the same light after her heroics in saving his life. For her, bored heroics, but heroics nonetheless.

“Perhaps she went to London to shop; perhaps she went to Paris with a lover.” Diane tended to measure others’ intentions or actions against her own.

“This lad, John, is very responsible, very reliable, and-”

“Very intense.” Diane finished for him. “Too much so for his own good, it sounds like.”

The door to the Jack and Hammer was blown open by wind and the entrance of Vivian Rivington. Without saying hello, without removing her coat or sitting down, she said, “Melrose. I just met Agatha in the street and she says you’re going back to Cornwall.” As she said this she sat down, still with her coat on.

“For a few months, yes, that’s right.”

“Months?” Vivian stared at him as if the body snatchers had come and carted off the real Melrose Plant and put this thing of caprice in his place. “You can’t be serious!”

Diane said, “Ridiculous, isn’t it? There’s no reasoning with him when he gets like this.”

“Like what? I don’t ‘get like’ anything.”

Diane went on. “I’ve told him his stars are not up to it.”

“You make it sound as if they’re too decrepit to go with me to Cornwall.”

Diane was still entertaining readers of the Sidbury paper with her astrology column, largely because she knew nothing about astrology and was therefore free to invent. “You know what I mean.” Diane ate her olive.

“No, I don’t, Diane. Nobody understands what you mean in that column. ‘Get a life’ is hardly using the stars to predict-”

Vivian fairly shouted, “But you can’t go to Cornwall!”

They all looked at her and her deeply blushing face.

Surprised by this outburst, Melrose said, “I can’t?”

Now Vivian was momentarily tongue-tied. Finally she said, “Because Franco is coming here and we’re getting married!” Having apparently frightened herself with her own outburst, she looked round the table to see if their various expressions confirmed the fact she’d said it.

No one spoke. Even the normally unflappable Diane looked at Vivian open-mouthed.

When they did speak, it was all at once.

“Count Dracula-”

“Good God! When did this-?”

“If you’re going to London for your gown-”

Trueblood lit a jade green Sobranie and said, “Tell me, Viv-Viv, when was all this decided?”

“Ah… not long ago.”

Melrose said, “How soon is this to be? When is Count Drac-” Vivian’s look at him was as blood-curdling as anything Count Dracula could scare up. “I mean, when is Giopinno arriving? Dear God, this is something!” exclaimed Melrose.

“He’s coming in… a few days. Maybe a week…” She studied her hands.

“Ah,” said Trueblood. “And exactly when does this wedding take place?” He smiled, wolfishly.

Vivian looked at him with suspicion and reflected. Her blushes were replaced by a kind of death’s-head gray. “The exact date hasn’t been set yet. But it’ll be either this month or next. September or October,” she added, in case they hadn’t got their months in order.

Do you remember another September…? Whatever the words, the song played sadly in Melrose’s head, all humor fleeing him in an instant. He said, “But of course I’ll return for the wedding. Cornwall isn’t halfway round the world.”

“Return?” She said it dejectedly, as if it were as rueful a word as “remember.” “Return? I would think you wouldn’t even go.” Vivian regarded Melrose sadly. “It’s the last you may see of me single.”

“Yes, well…” Melrose hardly knew how to respond to this.

Vivian rose. She had still not removed her camel-hair coat, the caramel color blending beautifully with the browns and deep reds of her autumnal hair.

“I’m certainly thunderstruck,” said Diane, in a thoroughly unthunderstruck tone. Still, it must be so, for she’d forgotten her glass, which sat empty before her; even the olive had gone. Thunderstruck, indeed.

“Well, I’ve got to go and… do things.” Vivian turned and walked out of the pub. Her expression was not a happy one.

“Well. Well,” said Melrose. “I’d say this calls for another round.”

“It has done for the last ten minutes,” said Diane, blowing thin columns of smoke through her nostrils.

Melrose called to Dick Scroggs, still reading the Sidbury paper-his favorite was the astrology column-and made a circular gesture with his hand indicating drinks for all.

Scroggs looked at him as if Melrose were calling on him to work out a message in semaphore.

“It never occurred to me Vivian would actually do it,” said Melrose, morosely.

Trueblood said, “Uh-huh.”

“Marry that smarmy Italian? After all this time? Not only that, but to do it here! That’s a turnup for the books!”

Diane said, “I expect she’ll have to live in Venice where she won’t understand a word. They speak Italian there.”

“It’s their second language,” said Trueblood. “Do you mean you actually believe that story?”

Melrose and Diane stared at him.

“She was making it up.”

“She wouldn’t do that,” Melrose said uncertainly.

Trueblood shook his head at his friends’ gullibility. “Listen, old bean, if she were really going to marry Dracula, we’d have heard long before this. She would have wanted plenty of time to think up excuses not to do it. She’d also want to allow us plenty of time to work out a plan to prevent her.”

“Excuses?” Diane looked at Trueblood in disbelief. “Why would she need excuses? Good lord, it’s easier just to divorce someone than to think up reasons for doing it. I should know; I’ve done it often enough. Dick!” She called over to Scroggs. “Are we ever going to get our drinks here?”

Melrose said, “I still don’t get it. Why would Vivian make it all up?”

Impatient with Melrose’s obtuseness, Trueblood said, “It’s obvious. She wants to keep you here.”

“A wedding in a few weeks would hardly keep me here for three months.”

“Oh, don’t be such a twit, Melrose,” said Diane. “There’s nothing rational in all of this-thank you,” she said to Dick Scroggs, who was setting fresh drinks before them.

When Dick left, Trueblood said, “Go on. Tell us more about this Cornwall murder.”

“There’s no more to tell. Someone in Bletchley thought she recognized her. I don’t think the victim will be hard