Undercover In High Heels

The real question was, who was the father of Veronika’s baby? I thought back to the conversation I’d had with Ricky earlier. He’d admitted to going out with her. Maybe he was the father? Maybe the pretty-but-duller-than-a- pair-of-Keds act he had going on was just that-an act. I made a mental note to ask Ricky tomorrow just how serious things had been between him and Veronika.

I was still going down my list of available baby-daddies on the Magnolia Lane set when a knock sounded at my door.

I let out a little squeak and picked up my discarded hair dryer in a white-knuckled grip. “Who is it?” I called, half expecting the person on the other side to answer, “The Big Bad Wolf. Open up so I can eat you.”

“It’s me, Maddie, ” Dana called. “I got your message to come over.”

I quickly scooted the guard chair out of the way and undid the chain, letting Dana in. “Ohmigod, I’m so happy to see you. You will not believe the night I’ve had.”

“I might, ” she said, then gestured behind her. “What’s with the cop car?”

I peeked around her to see a patrol car parked across the street. Never in my life had I been so glad a man didn’t listen to me.

“Long story. Come on in and I’ll tell you.”

While we watched the E! special Hollywood report on Veronika’s death, I filled Dana in on my conversation with Ricky, my run-in with Felix, my roadkill stalker, and last but not least, my conversation with Ramirez.

“I think he hates me.”

Dana shook her head. “Your boyfriend does not hate you.”

“I’m not even sure he’s my boyfriend. I’m not even sure he can say the word boyfriend.”

“He’s just under a lot of stress.”

Right. Because of me.

I gulped down a big lump of guilt.

“So, who do you think is threatening you?” Dana asked. “Do you think it has anything to do with Veronika’s death?”

I shrugged. “I dunno. I can’t see how.”

“Well, have you pissed anybody off lately?”

I picked up the remote and started flipping through channels. “Besides Ramirez?”

She gave me a look.

“No, I haven’t. I mean, unless you count how grouchy Tot Trots was when I turned in the Dora the Explorer light-up sandals two weeks late.”

Dana got up and crossed the room to the kitchen, rummaging in my cupboards. “Well, one thing’s for sure.”

“What’s that?”

“Ricky is on the top of our list of suspects.” She paused. “Too bad. He’s so totally hot. You know, I think he looked at me today. I mean, he was talking to Nurse Nan, but I think he kinda looked past her at me for a second.”

“That’s right-what happened on the set while I was gone? Who’s the father of Ashley’s baby?” I asked, leaning forward.

“Argh!” Dana threw her hands up. “You would not believe it. We never got the scene finished. Mia refused to come out of her trailer until Margo apologized. And Margo refused to apologize until Mia apologized for calling her an old cow. And then Steinman got so mad he said they both owed him an apology. Then you showed up, and we all went home. Maybe tomorrow.” She paused, holding up a box of Cap’n Crunch. “Maddie, do you have any idea how bad this stuff is for you? It’s like eating pure sugar. Please tell me you don’t eat this stuff for breakfast.”

I ignored her, surfing through the cable channels. I passed through Animal Planet (where a guy was poking a “beauty of a snake” with a stick), Lifetime (where Valerie Bertinelli’s husband was leading a double life with a secret second wife), and VH1 (airing a mud-wrestling match between two overweight has-been celebs). I paused when I hit Spike. I usually stopped on this channel only to watch those hot guys on the CSI reruns. But this time, my clicker went still for a whole new reason.

“Lonely tonight? Need a little company? My girls are always ready to play.”

“Oh brother.”

“What?” Dana popped her head out of the kitchen.

I gestured to the TV where “Sexy Jasmine, ” wearing a black lace teddy, was strutting seductively across the screen.

“Hey, isn’t that-”

“Yep.”

“I thought I saw her on a billboard down on Pico. Wow, she’s on TV now, too?”

“Come visit my Web site. We’re open twenty-four hours a day, and we’re always having fun.” Her Web address flashed across the screen as she pouted and said, “You know you want to watch.”

“Do guys really go for this stuff?” I asked.

Dana shrugged. “There’s this guy at SA, Gary, who’s totally addicted to Internet porn. He loves those live Web cams. Says the girls do anything he asks them to.”

“Creepy.”

“Want to know what’s even creepier?”

“What?”

“How much sugar is in these crackers. Maddie, you really should take better care of yourself.”

I was standing on the edge of a cliff, a sheer drop off the side, with water rushing beneath me. And the water was rising. I had to get across. I was starting to freak. Then I spotted him on the other side of the cliff-it was Ramirez. He was silhouetted against the sky like some cowboy hero. I waved, trying to get his attention, but he didn’t move-just stood there. I called out his name, screaming at the top of my lungs as the water rose higher and higher. My feet were soaked now, the water covering my ankles. But still, Ramirez didn’t move to help me.

Then out of nowhere this giant squirrel rose up from the water. He had huge teeth and sharp claws and a big tire tread across his middle. In the distance I could hear the roar of an engine.

“You’re next, ” the squirrel told me, then pointed over my shoulder. I turned around just in time to see a huge monster truck heading straight for me.

I screamed, calling out Ramirez’s name again, and started running. But somehow my legs just wouldn’t move. It was like they were stuck in molasses. The truck was getting closer and closer, the roar of the engine echoing through my head.

I sat up in bed, sweat pouring down my back. My eyes flew around my apartment as if I were expecting a giant rodent to appear out of nowhere.

No squirrels. No monster trucks.

Just the sound of my phone ringing.

“Make it stop, ” Dana mumbled from the futon beside me, a little puddle of drool forming at the side of her mouth.

I fumbled for the receiver, finally finding it beneath a crumpled Macy’s bag, and croaked out, “Hello?”

“Maddie? Um, hi, it’s Dusty.”

“Dusty?”

“Yeah, sorry to call so early.”

I rolled over and looked at the clock. 6:15. No wonder my voice sounded like I’d swallowed Kermit the Frog. “No, it’s fine. What’s going on?”

“I, uh…” She paused, stammering. “I-I’m not going to be able to make it in again today.”

“Why?” I sat up in bed. “What’s going on? Dusty, are you okay?”

“Uh-huh. Yeah. Fine. Look, I just wanted to let you know. So, if Steinman’s looking for me, just tell him…uh, just tell him I’m taking another personal day.”

“Okay. But, Dusty…”

But I realized she’d already hung up.

“Who was that?” Dana asked, rolling over.