to kill Jennie, and as it turned out, she was right: Jennie had been tossed by a cocaine dealer who couldn’t tell Asians apart even when he wasn’t fried. By way of helping Eleanor through her grieving process, I found him and gave him to the police, but not until I had broken both his elbows, snapping his arms over my knees like sticks of kindling. They’d broken surprisingly easily. Cocaine, they say, weakens the bones.
My reaction to breaking his arms had been complicated.
It had taught me something about myself I hadn’t known before, something I’d been keeping an eye on ever since. My reaction to solving Jennie’s murder, though, was simplicity itself: I’d found something I wanted to do. And I’d done it, with some success, after Eleanor and I moved into the cabin in Topanga, and I’d kept doing it after she packed her bags and left.
Now I wondered whether I could still do it.
He’d sounded so friendly.
Knives have always terrified me. They’re so much more personal than guns. A bullet punches a hole into you when it enters and punches another when it exits, and it messes up anything it can get to in between. Knives are generally less lethal, but I’ll take the dull, brutal blow of a bullet over the sharp edge slipping through the skin any time. Still, I’d faced knives before without…
He’d surprised me. The room had been dark and small, the carpet cutter had been curved. I’d seen what he’d done to Max. I’d had the sheriffs to worry about. There were a million reasons.
Eleanor’s curtains, the curtains she’d made, still hung on the windows. She’d chosen the couch and paid for it, dipping into one of those mysterious bank accounts Chinese always seem to have. The couch was a collection of odd-shaped lumps now, and there were bullet holes in it, courtesy of a Chinese gangster who’d tried to kill me in this very room. I’d been frightened then, but not terror-stricken, not paralyzed with fear as I’d been in Max’s bedroom. Something had kicked in, as it always had before, adrenaline or fury or a sense of outraged dignity, and it had held me together until that particular dance was done. I hadn’t fallen apart until afterward.
The bottle in my hand was empty. I threw it across the room, opening the cut in my shoulder. The bottle hit the wall, harmlessly, just as the chair had. I could throw things at walls, it seemed, all night long without doing any harm. I picked up the other bottle and drank, bleeding onto the leather of the couch.
I’d run away from Eleanor, as my mother had pointed out during several of our rare personal talks. After we’d been living together long enough to begin talking about marriage, I’d had an affair, and then another, meaningless and passionless. Mechanical. Stupid. She’d found out, as I supposed I meant her to, and forgiven me. Then I did it again, and she stopped forgiving me and started suggesting I get some counseling. Instead, I had another affair. That was when she packed. Now she lived in a small cottage in Venice, working on her third book and writing occasionally about the New Age for the Los Angeles Times, and I lived alone on my hilltop, venturing out from time to time to make a little money. To poke around in other people’s untidy lives. To get into knife fights in dark rooms with people who scared me senseless.
The bottle was half-full this time, and it made a nice splash when it hit the wall, beer spewing forth in a foamy arc to soak the carpet. See, I could do some damage. I climbed to my feet again and went to the refrigerator and drank the three remaining bottles straight down, standing there and staring at the wall. Then I grabbed a paper towel and pressed it over the cut on my shoulder until the bleeding stopped, and then I hauled my aching body to bed.
10 ~ Special Delivery
I surfaced out of a bad dream and into the knowledge that someone was in the house.
The house has only three rooms on the upper level: the kitchen, the living room, and the bedroom. The bathroom door opens directly into the bedroom, and the little room downstairs, the one whose roof serves as the sun deck, can be entered only from outside. That’s the whole house. The noise that had punched a hole in my nightmare had come from the kitchen.
Sunlight burned through the window: late morning. I inched my hand to the edge of the mattress and then beneath it until my fingers touched the handle of the nine-millimeter automatic I keep there. I pulled it out and hid my hand under the covers and let my eyes close most of the way, looking at the door through the rainbows the sunlight made against my eyelashes.
The living-room floor creaked and something clinked, like a couple of bottles being knocked together. Then a sharper sound, from the kitchen again, metallic this time. Under the covers, I snapped the automatic open and then shut again, forcing a bullet into the chamber. It was deafening.
The bedroom doorway darkened and Eleanor Chan stood there, a coffee mug in each hand. I kept my lids down and enjoyed the sense of looking at her when she didn’t know she was being observed, feeling the now- familiar knot in my abdominal muscles dissolve. She wore a pair of red UCLA gym shorts, an oversized gray T-shirt with dalmatians on it, and a pair of white knee-socks folded to midcalf. No shoes: Eleanor doesn’t believe shoes belong in the house. Her black hair was pulled back against the heat, held on top of her head with an elastic band strung through two little red plastic balls that matched her gym shorts. On anyone else it would have been too cute. Dark wisps of hair fell around her high cheekbones, and she lowered her head impatiently and blew them away.
“You’re a mess,” she said.
I opened my eyes. “You’ve known that for years.”
“You look like you walked into a windmill. The shoulder probably needs stitches, and the arm looks like it’s infected.”
“You saw my arm?” My arm was under the covers.
She regarded me from head to foot. “I saw everything. You were in a coma.”
“So much for vigilance,” I said. I reached over and put the gun back under the mattress. “Is one of those for me?”
She sat on the edge of the bed and I admired a smooth length of thigh. There’s something unwholesomely interesting about knee socks. Her lips pursed in disapproval. “If you think you can manage it after all that beer.”
“I only drank part of it. I poured the rest on the living-room floor.”
“So I saw,” she said, holding out one of the cups. “It’s a novel way to cut down.”
“Can you hang on to that for a minute? Sitting up is going to demand most of my attention.” I put my hands flat on the mattress beside me and heaved myself upward, feeling the muscles in my legs and stomach form a union and wave little neural signs in protest. “Jesus,” I said, staring at my cut arm. It was bright red.
“It’s Mercurochrome, you dolt,” Eleanor said. “I put some on your shoulder, too.”
“And I slept through it?”
“That’s not all you slept through,” she said.
This did not sound good. “What else?”
“You’ll find out.”
I took the coffee. “I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me what happened.”
“I don’t suppose I am.”
“Why should today be different?”
She raised her eyebrows and sipped her coffee.
Normally I love Eleanor’s coffee, but the smell of it made my stomach heave rebelliously, and I turned it into a cough and blew on the cup.
“Told you so,” she said with some satisfaction. “You’re not as young as you used to be.”
I closed my eyes. “People keep saying that.”
She traced the cut on my shoulder with a light finger. “Maybe you should listen. There was a time, and I remember it more vividly than I’d like to, when you could go out and get minced and then come home and drink a case of beer, and you’d still wake up as fresh as a daisy.”
“ ‘Fresh as a daisy,’ ” I said admiringly. “I like that. Is that a New Age expression?”
“I have a New Age expression for you,” she said, “but I’m a lady.”
“And yet here you are in a man’s bedroom.”
