breaker is that he needs female lovers, and if Asher can’t deal with that, then they have to break up. Asher is trying to put Dev in my bed more; I am a girl, but I have other sweeties, other responsibilities to the other men in my life. Asher is jealous of Jean-Claude, too, and that is totally not cool. We’re thinking about a two-month-long trip for Asher to try the new city out for size.
Nathaniel has finally had enough of Asher, and though he was Nathaniel’s ideal male dominant, and maybe mine, too, we’ve both had enough. Nathaniel can’t forgive Asher for hurting Sin, and perversely, as Nathaniel has pulled away from Asher, the vampire is chasing him harder. Asher really is one of those people who don’t value someone who makes life easy; he only chases the drama llamas, or the people who are more committed to other people. I’ve told Asher to get therapy. He doesn’t want to do it, and you can’t do therapy at gunpoint. But I’ve also told him that if his jealousy and temper get anyone else hurt, I will make sure he hurts, too. I can’t threaten to kill him, because he knows that I would do almost anything to avoid that, but there are things he could do where I’d feel I had no choice. I don’t want that on my conscience. He should go. But do we have the strength of will to send him away, at least for a month? After that, we’ll see.
Does Jean-Claude have the strength to send someone that he has loved for centuries away? I don’t know. Do I have the strength to make him do it? Maybe.
Right now we’ve put a bandage on it. Dev is staying with me more, but he’s not Nicky, or Sin, or Micah, or Nathaniel, and I just don’t think I have room in the house or in my heart for another main squeeze. I like sleeping with Dev, but I’m not in love with him. The house is mine, filled with the people I want there, and Dev just isn’t one of them, not night after night. I’m told I need one of the gold tigers to be a main sweetheart just for metaphysical reasons, and maybe I do, but maybe my heart is a molecule that has only so many attachment points, and is stable with only so many atoms of oxygen; you go over that limit and it’s unstable, unhappy, too active, and finally explodes. Asher isn’t the only one with a temper. I think he’s forgotten that. If he’s not careful, I’ll be reminding him-soon. I hope it doesn’t come to that, but I’m beginning to try and wrap my head around the thought that no one gets to hurt the people I love, not even another man that I love.
LAURELL K. HAMILTON
