Honeymoon with the Boss

for Andrew to miss me.’

‘But he didn’t?’

‘No, he didn’t.’ Imogen sighed, remembering that time-the slow, sickening realisation that Andrew didn’t love her any more. ‘I know he’s very fond of me, and we’ve stayed friends, but he didn’t need me the way I needed him. I knew in my heart that it was over, but I kept hoping and hoping…’

Her mouth turned down at the memory of her own foolishness. ‘And then he met Sara, and it turned out that he needed her the way I needed him. They got married a couple of years ago, and they’re expecting their first baby in the summer.’

Even after all this time it was an effort to keep her voice level.

Tom could see the strain around her eyes and he shifted uncomfortably. He hoped that she wasn’t going to cry.

But Imogen was already straightening her shoulders and smiling.

‘Do you know the worst thing?’ she confided. ‘It’s that Sara’s really nice. She makes Andrew happy, and I can see they’re perfect for each other. When they got engaged, I used to pray that Andrew would wake up and realise that I was the one he really loved after all, a bit like Julia did with Patrick. I feel awful now to realise I never gave a thought to what that would have been like for Sara.’

Tom shrugged. ‘I guess she would have got over it, the way you did. The way I’m going to have to get over it.’

‘I hope it doesn’t take you as long as it did me,’ said Imogen ruefully. ‘I’ve wasted years, convinced that my life was always going to be empty without Andrew. I’ve tried to meet someone else, but I always end up comparing any man I go out with to him. It took me until last year to really accept that he loves Sara and not me. Even if he stopped loving her for some reason, he still wouldn’t love me.

‘It’s never going to be the way it was before,’ she said. ‘Andrew moved on a long time ago, and now I need to do that too. I haven’t changed since I was a student. It’s like I’m stuck in a time warp, where everyone else has moved on and grown up and I’ve just been drifting, hoping something will change. And, of course, I’ve realised that the only way something’s going to change is if I make it change. If I change myself.’

They had lit the candles on the table, and in the flickering light Tom could see the generous curve of her mouth and the unconsciously upward tilt of her chin. He found himself thinking that it would be a pity if she changed too much.

Imogen sighed a little. ‘Anyway, you know what it’s like,’ she told him. ‘I never got as far as planning a wedding, but I understand how it feels when you love someone who decides they don’t love you.’

Swirling the dregs of wine in his glass, Tom thought about what she had told him. Imogen always seemed so bright and cheery. He had never guessed that there was a sadness behind her smile.

‘I don’t feel like that about Julia,’ he said abruptly. ‘Not the way you felt about Andrew.’

‘But you were going to marry her,’ said Imogen. ‘You must have loved her. You must still love her.’

‘Must I?’

Tom’s eyes were fixed on the swirling wine, but he was remembering Julia. ‘I desired her, sure, but not with the kind of reckless passion that makes other people lose their heads and, as much as that, I admired her. I still do, I guess. I like her quick wits and cool competence, and I respect everything she’s achieved. She worked hard and made a real success of her life. But love her?’

Lifting his eyes to Imogen’s face, he shook his head. ‘No,’ he answered his own question. ‘No, I didn’t.’

She looked appalled, as if he had kicked away one of the cornerstones of her world, and Tom felt a twinge of remorse, which was ridiculous. ‘What?’ he said harshly. ‘You don’t really believe that you have to be in love to get married, do you?’

‘But…did Julia know you felt like that?’

‘Of course she did. We talked about it when we got engaged, and she said that she felt the same. That’s why I was so thrown when she made such a fuss about the wedding.’

Imogen was frowning in bafflement. ‘But why get married unless you did love each other? It seems pointless.’

‘You don’t think it’s possible to build a solid marriage based on mutual respect and admiration, and a healthy physical attraction?’

‘Maybe, but why would you want to?’ she countered. ‘I’ll only get married if I can find someone who makes me feel the way Andrew did. I want to marry someone I need and who needs me, someone who doesn’t think of marriage as a practical arrangement but about being with the one person who fills up all the bits that are missing, who believes that neither of us are complete somehow unless we’re together.’

Tom looked uncomprehending, and she tried to explain. ‘What’s the point of getting married unless you’ve found the person who makes your heart beat faster, who makes the sun seem brighter, who makes every moment sweeter just by existing? I want to go home at night and be with the one person who can make the rest of the world go away,’ she said, ‘the one person who, no matter how bad things are, can make it all right just by being there.’

‘But that’s exactly what I don’t want,’ said Tom, unimpressed. ‘I don’t want to need anyone else.’

‘You don’t want to fall in love?’

‘No, I don’t.’ Tom was very definite. ‘I’ve never felt what you felt for Andrew, and I’m glad. You’ve wasted five years of your life on him, Imogen. Five years! Think of all the things you could have been doing in those five years instead of yearning for the impossible. And knowing what it’s like to lose someone you’ve loved, you’re still prepared to risk all that again!’

He shook his head. ‘I’d rather have the kind of relationship I had with Julia,’ he said. ‘True, it ended in humiliation for me, and I can’t say I’m happy about it, but my pride is hurt more than my heart. It seems to me that when you fall in love, you lose your senses,’ he said. ‘You stop thinking clearly. You lose control.’

And that was something Tom Maddison never did.

‘Yes, it can make you feel powerless,’ Imogen had to admit, remembering how little she had been able to do to make Andrew change his mind. ‘You can’t make someone love you, that’s for sure. But it can also make you feel as if you can do anything, and that’s always going to be worth the risk.’

‘It’s not one I’ll be taking,’ said Tom flatly.

Imogen studied him, mystified. He was a powerful man, much stronger than anyone else she had ever met.

And yet he was afraid of love.

Or was he just afraid of admitting how much he had felt for Julia?

‘Well, I’m glad you’re OK,’ she said at last. ‘I thought you must be feeling desperate.’

‘I’m fine,’ said Tom. ‘My ego is massively bruised, but I’ve got three weeks to recover. I don’t think I’ll need to take to my bed.’

‘Talking of beds…’ Imogen hesitated. ‘I was thinking I should sleep on one of the couches, and give you the bed.’

‘Absolutely not. You’re to have the bed.’

‘But you’re much taller than me,’ she protested. ‘You’d be much more comfortable in the bed. There are plenty of places I can sleep.’

‘I’m not going to be comfortable, knowing that you’re stuck on one of those couches, am I?’

‘The same goes for me,’ she pointed out.

‘In that case, the only answer is for us to share the bed.’ Tom raised a brow. ‘Are you ready to be that good friends?’

No, she wasn’t, but it was alarming how ready she was to imagine what it would be like, disturbing how easily she could picture sleeping in the big, beautiful bed with Tom beside her. There would be plenty of room for both of them, but nothing to stop her rolling over in the night and finding herself lying against his lean, hard body.

Nothing to stop her snuggling into his back and sliding an arm over him.

And if she did that, what would Tom do? Would he turn over to face her? Would he pull her closer and explore the curves and contours of her body with those strong, sure hands? Would his lips nuzzle her throat before drifting downwards?

Imogen gulped and jammed the brakes on an imagination that was spinning dangerously out of control.