She heard a clatter in the kitchen and set the trunk down out of the way of the door. What if that was Jonah? How could she face him?
He'd been so confident this could be fixed between them, judging by the way he treated her at the Hollingsworths'. Fixing her a breakfast plate, bringing her tea, and when he left, promising to check on her before nightfall. He worked hard to convince her he cared, that much was true.
But simple caring was not enough. Not now. Not with the way her heart ached for his touch, for all of him.
He'd made her love him with his acts of caring. Now such a bright affection burned in her heart, her days would be dark without it.
How did she deny her feelings? She could not embrace Jonah Hunter's idea of a practical marriage.
But 'twas Thomas in the kitchen, heating tea for Andy. From the dark warmth in his eyes and the set of his chin, he must know all that had happened. Aye, he'd probably known from the start, being Jonah's confidant.
What did he think of her? Did he look at her and see a woman desperate enough to imagine love where there was only resignation? To call home a place where she was only needed for her useful skills?
Recalling how she'd thanked him in the stable that day for coming to care for her mount and to run her errand, she blushed and could not meet his gaze.
'Here is more powder for Andy. Anya will be home soon to administer it. I have already told her how much to give him. And these are the herbs for the compresses. And this for the tea. Do not mix them. One is to help strengthen the blood, and the other to fight the congestion in his lungs.'
Thomas took the offered packets, already carefully measured. 'You will not stay and tend him yourself? Or does the Hollingsworth girl need you more?'
'I'll come and check on him, as I would anyone else.' She took a step toward the door, staring hard at the floorboards. 'My trunk is in the parlor. Will you see that it is delivered to my grandfather's home?'
'Are you leaving us?' How low his voice, and his kindness hurt-Aye, how it hurt. 'This is not my home, not truly. Violet and my step grandmother have fallen ill, so I am welcome there for now.'
'Then allow me to see you home.' His hand settled on the doorknob before she could turn it. 'If you ever have need of anything, and I mean it, then you come to me. Not because you saved my father's life, but because I will always consider you my sister.'
Those were kind words, and she knew Thomas meant them. Somehow, she found the breath in her too-tight chest to speak. 'The hardest thing about leaving is knowing I'll no longer have brothers to tease.'
He laughed then, making her leaving easier. She stepped out into the sunlight and smelled spring in the air.
After leading the oxen in from the fields, he headed toward the house. Judging by the sun slung low over the treetops it was nearly suppertime. He wanted to drive Anya over to the Hollingsworths' to bring Tessa her meal.
The back door banged open to reveal an empty kitchen. Leather pouches sat on the counter near the hearth. He recognized them. Tessa used them to store some of her roots and things in. Had she been here?
Thomas was nowhere to be found. Father was in the parlor, reading.
'Heard that wife of yours is saving lives left and right again.' Natural color was back in the man's face, and the snap of fight back in his manner. 'I saw her leave with Thomas. I gave Andy the bird dropping tea, just like I promised. I made him drink every drop.'
'How is he?'
'Feverish, but Tessa looked in on him. Thomas said she thought he had a light case, nothing to fear as long as we take good care of him.' Father's nose turned toward his book. ' 'Tis good to have a healer in the family. Will come in handy when your babe is sick, as babes are wont to be.'
'Aye.' Father didn't seem to know of the problems between him and Tessa, and he was grateful. He headed toward the stairs, but that troubled feeling wrapped tight around his guts worsened.
He'd been out in the field since dinner and had been visible from the house. If she had been here, why hadn't she come out to see him? Why hadn't Thomas come to fetch him and let him know she was here, able to finally talk?
The chamber felt strangely empty. It felt as if all the light had gone from the room. He couldn't explain the feeling. Troubled, he pulled off his muddy shirt and shucked off his breeches. Something definitely didn't feel right
He tugged open a drawer and saw the empty place where Tessa's brush and comb had been. He turned and saw the old trunk gone from the place against the wall. An icy chill shivered down his spine.
Pain as cold as an iceberg rammed through his chest. Jonah staggered. It couldn't be. Tessa could not have left. This was her home. She was his wife. There had to be some other explanation.
But none other came to him. Not a single one.
A horrible renting emptiness tore him apart, worse than any Indian's sharpened arrowhead. It surely could not be his heart hurting, for he had no heart. No heart vulnerable to love, that is.
He grabbed clean clothes from the drawers, dressing as he charged down the hall.
'Tessa!' A furious pounding rattled Grandfather's back door, nearly shaking it off the leather hinges. 'Tessa, open up, damn it!'
'Jonah!' She pulled the latch and swung open the door just before his upraised fist slammed into it again. 'Stop cursing and lower your voice. There are sick people in this house.'
'Where is your trunk?' He pushed past her, tense male might and sizzling rage.
Tessa took one look at the power bunched in his arms, tensed in his shoulders, and her heart stopped. 'In my attic room. Where it belongs.'
'Belongs? Nay, your place is with me. I mean it. To run out like this, 'tisn't right. We haven't even tried to speak of this.'
'What do we have to discuss? You wanted a nursemaid for your father and you found one. He's recovering now. What need do you have of me?'
A light flickered in his eyes, a dark and dangerous light. 'I thought you were very clear on the different ways I need you.'
'Aye, you need a woman. There are more than a dozen in this town hungering for a man like you. 'Tis best that you leave, Jonah. I no longer want to be your convenient wife.'
'You are the least convenient person I know.'
'Good, then you're finally rid of your difficult wife.' She splayed both hands on his chest and shoved hard. 'You should be glad.'
'I'm not glad.' He didn't budge.
She shoved again, but he was an unmovable pillar of steely muscle and furious determination. How did she think she could move him? 'I never want to see you again, so get out of this house.'
'Never.' His fingers curled around her wrists, holding her hard, just short of bruising. 'Not without you.'
'What are you going to do? Use force? Haul me over your shoulder?'
A spark lit his eyes as if she'd given him an idea. 'All I want is for you to listen to me. I can make you understand-'
'Make me? What would you have me do? Live the rest of my life looking over the breakfast table at a man who will never love me in return? Spend the rest of my nights making love to a man who is only taking his pleasure with me? Spend my days being useful instead of feeling loved in return?'
'Tessa, I truly care for you.' Tension dug lines around his eyes, around eyes so dark she could never know what truly lived in his heart. 'Haven't you felt that in my touch? Heard it in my voice?'
'Nay, I have not seen one true act of love. Not one. But plenty of caring and kindness and treating the unwanted wife well. I have my pride, Jonah. I am worth being loved. Truly loved. I already know you're not capable of it.'
Bitterness rushed across her tongue and she tore away from him, hating that part of her that had always held such foolish dreams. 'I'm going to fetch Grandfather. He'll see that you leave.'
'Go ahead. Ely will listen to me.'
'Nay, he has been unable to keep any hired help, so at least I am useful here. And I know what I'm getting in
