Oh-So-Sensible Secretary

‘Don’t torture me,’ I grumbled. ‘I thought you were supposed to be in love with me?’

‘That’s true. I should think of a truly romantic gesture to show what you mean to me. I could start putting my books in alphabetical order, or using a square rule to tidy my desk.’

‘Why don’t you try leaving my desk alone, for a start?’ I said, swatting his hand aside as he made to pick up my calculator.

‘Aha, I see you’re feeling better!’

‘I’m not. I’m a sick woman. I can’t take any more.’

The words were barely out of my mouth before ‘more’ arrived-much more-in the shape of my mother.

She wafted in the door, beaming. ‘Summer, darling, there you are!’

‘Mum!’

It was Phin’s turn to gape. ‘Mum?’

I couldn’t blame him for looking staggered. No one ever believes she’s my mother. You’d never think she was in her forties. She’s got long red hair, shining eyes and a clear happy face. There’s something fey, almost childlike, about her. I’ve never seen her in a scrap of make-up, she wears sandals and flowing ethnic skirts, and she always looks wonderful.

And, while she may be deeply into all things spiritual, she’s not immune to flattery either. The smile she gave Phin was positively flirtatious. ‘I hope I’m not interrupting?’

‘Of course not,’ said Phin, leaping forward to shake her hand. ‘I’m Phin Gibson.’

‘And I’m Starlight,’ she told him.

They beamed at each other. I judged it was time to put a stop to their mutual love-in.

‘I wasn’t expecting you,’ I said.

‘I did tell you I was coming to London,’ she reminded me.

She had said something, I remembered too late. ‘I didn’t realise it would be so soon.’

‘It was an impulse.’

When had it ever not been an impulse? I thought wearily.

‘We were gathered the other evening, channelling, when we were all seized by the same idea. It was the most extraordinary coincidence, so we knew that it had to be meant! Each of us felt our guardian angels were telling us to follow the ley lines into London…and now here we are!’

‘What about the shop?’ I asked, my heart sinking. A couple of years ago she had decided that she would open a New Age shop in Taunton. I’d been all for the idea of her settling to a job, so I’d helped with the practicalities of arranging the lease and sorting out a set-up loan. Mum had been full of enthusiasm for a while, but I hadn’t heard much about it recently. Obviously she was into something else now.

Sure enough, she waved all talk of the shop aside. ‘This is more important, Summer. We’ve been walking between the worlds at the powersites along the ley line. The earth needs it desperately at the moment. Only by channelling the energy and letting the Divine Will flow through us can we help to heal it.’

‘Someone told me there’s a ley line running right along the Mall to Buckingham Palace,’ said Phin, sounding interested. ‘Is that right?’

‘It is.’ She beamed approvingly at him. ‘And this building sits on the very same line! I’m getting good vibes here.’

I dropped my head into my hands. My hangover had come back with a vengeance. I wasn’t up to dealing with my mother today. I wished Phin would stop encouraging her.

Meanwhile my mother had turned her attention back to me. ‘Your aura is looking very murky, Summer. Haven’t you been using the crystals I sent you? If only I had some jade with me. That’s very calming for irritability.’

‘I’m not irritable, Mum,’ I said-irritably. ‘I’ve just got a bit of headache.’

‘I sense your energy is all out of balance.’ She tutted. ‘You need to realign your chakras.’

‘Right, I’ll do that. Look, Mum, it’s lovely to see you, but I have to get on. Where are you staying? We could meet up this evening.’

Her face fell. ‘Jemima is going to regress tonight. Her spiritual journeys are always so interesting,’ she told Phin. ‘Last time she was reborn as one of Cleopatra’s maids. It was quite an eye-opener.’

‘I can imagine,’ he said. ‘You wouldn’t want to miss that, so why don’t I take you both out to lunch?’

‘Oh, but-’ I began in dismay, but neither Phin nor my mother were listening.

‘I know a vegan restaurant just round the corner,’ he was telling her, having accurately guessed her tastes. ‘They do a great line in nut cutlets.’

How Phin came to know a vegan restaurant I’ll never know, as I’d had him down squarely as a steak and chips man, but sure enough, tucked away a block or two from the office, there was a little cafe. Before I knew it, we were tucking into grilled tofu, bean ragout and steamed brown rice, and my mother, blossoming under Phin’s attention, was well into her stride with stories about my childhood. I gazed glumly into my carrot juice and wished for the oblivion of another martini.

‘She was such a funny little thing,’ Mum told Phin. ‘Always worrying! Ken and I used to joke that her first words were “Have you paid the electricity bill?”’ She laughed merrily.

‘Ken was my father,’ I explained to Phin. ‘He died when I was nine.’

‘Such a spiritual man!’ My mother sighed. ‘I know I should be glad he’s moved on to a higher astral plane, but I still miss him sometimes. We were totally in harmony, physically and spiritually.’

‘You’re lucky to have had that,’ said Phin gently. ‘It’s quite rare, I think.’

‘I know, and I’m so glad dear Summer is going to have the same feeling with you.’

I looked up from the alfalfa sprouts I was pushing around my plate, startled. ‘Er, Mum, I think you’ve got wrong end of the stick. Phin’s my boss.’

I might as well have spared my breath. ‘His colours are very strong,’ she said, and turned to him. ‘I’m getting a lot of yellow from you.’

‘Is that good?’ asked Phin, as if he was really interested.

‘In positive aspects, absolutely. Yellow is a warm colour. It relates to the personality, the ego.’

‘No wonder you’ve got so much of it,’ I said snippily, but Phin held up a hand.

‘Hold on, I get the feeling your mother really understands me.’

‘Yellow is how we feel about ourselves and about others.’ Did I tell you Mum is a colour therapist? ‘It tells me that you’re confident and wise and positive about life.’

‘And you thought I was just like everyone else,’ Phin said to me. ‘What about Summer? Is she as wise as me?’

‘Summer has a cool aura,’ said Mum, well away now. ‘She’s got a lot of indigo and blue. That means she’s fearless and dutiful and self-sacrificing, but she’s also kind and practical.’

Phin nudged me. ‘Bet you wish you were wise, like me!’

‘You’re a very good match,’ Mum said, and I scowled.

‘How do you work that out? Yellow and blue are quite different.’

‘But when you put them together they make green,’ said my mother. ‘That’s the colour of balance and harmony.’ She smiled at us both. ‘Green relates to the heart chakra, too. When it comes to giving and receiving love, it’s the perfect combination.’

‘Thank you for not laughing at her,’ I said to Phin when my mother had drifted off to prepare for the evening’s regression. I fingered the clear crystal pendulum (“Very good for energy tuning”) that she had pressed on me before she left. ‘I know she’s a bit wacky, but…’

‘But she’s so shiningly sincere you can’t help but like her,’ said Phin. ‘What’s not to like about someone who loves life as much as she does?’

As we walked back to the office I tried to imagine Jonathan sitting down to grilled tofu with my mother. I’d never really talked to him about my childhood. I’d had the feeling he’d be appalled by her flaky ideas, and I was absurdly grateful to Phin for seeing her good side.

‘It must have been hard for you, losing your father when you were so young.’ Phin broke into my thoughts. ‘Did you miss him?’

‘Not that much,’ I said honestly. ‘We were living in a commune then, and there were lots of other people around. Besides, we weren’t allowed to be sad. We had to rejoice that he had ascended to a higher plane.’