Outback Boss, City Bride

He wanted to run over and pull her out, down the steps, back to Wirrindago, but the door was closing, the steps were being pushed back out of the way and the plane was taxiing to the end of the runway. It paused there for a moment and then launched itself forward, trundling faster and faster until, with a great heave, it lifted itself into the sky.

His heart like a stone in his chest, Hal watched it climb higher and higher into the glare until it was no more than a speck, and then even that vanished. Only then did he get back into the plane and fly home to Wirrindago.

Meredith tried. She really tried. She spent the long journey back to London telling herself that as soon as she got home, Hal and Wirrindago would be like a dream. It had only been a few weeks. How could it be more than a dream? It hadn’t been real. It had just been a time out of time, when she had played at being someone else for a while.

The trouble was that it didn’t feel like a dream. It felt all too real, and London was the place that seemed strange and unreal. The first morning that Meredith woke on her own to the subdued rumble of traffic rather than squabbling cockatoos, the longing for Hal and Wirrindago hit her with the force of a blow and she curled up in bed, hugging herself against the pain, biting hard on her lip to stop herself from crying.

She was hoping against hope that when she saw Richard all the old feelings would come flooding back and that her feelings for Hal would prove to be just a temporary obsession, a passing physical attraction, but sadly it didn’t work that way. She was delighted to see him sitting up and talking, and felt real affection as she leant down to kiss him on the cheek, but love…no. She knew what love felt like now.

And, in spite of Lucy’s certainty, Meredith was sure Richard felt the same. He greeted her like a good friend, and told her with much good-humoured rolling of the eyes how embarrassed he was that his parents had sent her off on wild goose chase, but she noticed that his eyes followed a rather pretty nurse who seemed to be finding all sorts of excuses to come into his room.

‘So it looks like it was all for nothing,’ Meredith confessed dully to Lucy later. ‘I’m sorry. I should have left you alone in Australia.’

But then she wouldn’t have known Hal. She would never have seen Wirrindago.

Lucy was bitterly disappointed when she discovered that Richard had resisted the opportunity to sweep Meredith into his arms and declare undying love.

‘I was so sure that he was in love with you,’ she said, sounding almost aggrieved. ‘Once he’d confessed that he wasn’t in love with me any more, he spent his whole time telling me how great you were, how easy you were to talk to, and how he hoped you’d come back soon.’

Meredith shook her head. ‘Richard has only ever thought of me as a friend,’ she said. ‘He’s never looked at me the way he used to look at you, or the way he looks at that blonde nurse.’

‘Oh, her.’ Lucy sniffed disapprovingly. ‘She’s always hanging around. I’m sure it’s very unprofessional.’

‘Maybe, but Richard looks quite happy about it.’ Meredith smiled at her sister. ‘To be honest, Lucy, I don’t think he wants either of us!’

Lucy’s face crumpled. ‘I’m so sorry, Meredith. I’ve spoilt everything for you all over again! I should never have raised your hopes like that. I should have waited and found out exactly what the situation was instead of rushing in and getting it all wrong, the way I always do.’

She looked anxiously at Meredith. ‘Are you very unhappy? You seem so sad.’

‘I’m not unhappy about Richard, I promise you,’ Meredith tried to reassure her. ‘I’m just…’

Missing Hal. Wanting Hal. Needing Hal.

‘…just tired,’ she finished feebly. ‘I’m still a bit jet lagged.’

‘It takes a few days.’ Lucy brightened, convinced at least that Meredith wasn’t bitter about Richard. ‘You must have been glad to get back to your nice house, though. You’ve been away for weeks.’

‘Yes, it was time I came home,’ Meredith agreed.

Only it didn’t feel like home any more. Her cosy, comfortable house felt claustrophobic now. It was just a place without Hal.

She found a smile. ‘Anyway, Hal said you could have your job back whenever you want.’

Lucy hesitated. ‘I’m not going back, Meredith,’ she said at last, and Meredith stared at her.

‘But…I thought you loved it there! You told me you were in love with Kevin.’

‘I know I did. I thought I was.’ Lucy sighed. ‘But…I think my feelings for him were just mixed up with how much I enjoyed being in Australia. I know the outback isn’t your kind of place, but I found it all so romantic.’

It is my kind of place, Meredith wanted to shout at her. It is.

‘But once I left,’ Lucy went on, unaware of her sister’s mental interruption, ‘I started to think. Could I really spend my life somewhere like that? You know what an extrovert I’ve always been. Who would be my friends? I still think Kevin is incredibly attractive, but what would we have talked about after a while? The outback is all he knows, it’s part of his charm, but I came to realise that I was being unrealistic.’

She glanced ruefully at her sister. ‘I’m sure that’s no news to you! You knew that all along, didn’t you? You said you were sorry for coming out and making me leave Australia, but I’m glad that you did, Meredith. Otherwise I could have made a big mistake.

‘It was me that made all the running with Kevin,’ she said, ‘and I could probably have swept him along into marriage, but what would he have done with a wife like me? I might not have been able to stick it out, and then I would have hurt him, and that would have been terrible. As it is, I bet he didn’t really miss me that much, did he?’

‘He seemed just the same,’ Meredith had to admit.

Lucy’s words resonated in her heart. I could have made a big mistake…What would he have done with a wife like me?…I might not have been able to stick it out…I would have hurt him… They could all apply to her, Meredith knew. She should be thinking like Lucy. Lucy thought that she would understand, and she did, but only with her head, not with her heart.

‘It was just a holiday romance,’ Lucy was saying. ‘I realise that now, and some day I would like to go back to Australia, but not yet.’

‘What about Hal?’ asked Meredith, though it hurt just to say his name. Was that all their love had been? A holiday romance? ‘He’s been left without anyone to do the cooking.’

‘I know, I feel bad about that,’ said Lucy. ‘But he said that they would be able to manage until he could find someone else. To be honest, I thought he might be more difficult about letting you go, but he was fine about it.’

Meredith thought about the way Hal had kissed her goodbye. I love you, he had said. He had let her go, but he hadn’t been fine about it at all.

Drawing a breath, she forced a smile for her sister. ‘So what now?’

‘I’ve decided it’s time for me to grow up,’ said Lucy seriously. No more looking after me, Meredith. I’ve got to look after myself. I’ve got a job, and from now on I’m going to be sensible like you.’

Right. Sensible.

But being sensible didn’t help. Sensibly, Meredith got straight back to work. Sensibly, she made sure that she went out with friends every night so that she didn’t have too much time to think.

Sensibly, she reminded herself frequently that Hal didn’t want any relationship to last longer than a few weeks or months. She told herself that he was right in saying that she would get bored of Wirrindago. After a month or two she would hankering for the bright lights. It was nonsense to suppose that she could be content with one man and a million acres of red earth.

And yet…and yet she couldn’t stop thinking about Hal, about the last time he had kissed her. I love you, he had said, and she had believed him. They loved each other. She would be good for him, Meredith was sure. She could make him happy and she would be happy. They could have good life together, but how could she make him see that?

She couldn’t force herself on him. Hal had said what he felt. He didn’t want forever. We can’t change the people we are, she had told him, but then, who was she? Was she careful, practical, sensible Meredith? Meredith who would never take a risk? Or was she a different person entirely?

She remembered how free and unfettered she had felt at Wirrindago. Jumping off that rock, sliding on to Hal’s lap, loving him, she had discovered a sensuous side to her nature that she had never known before.