Promoted: to Wife and Mother

‘Fine.’

‘We’ll see you downstairs later, then,’ she said with a smile and-at last-went out, closing the door behind her and leaving them alone.

There was silence in the room.

Perdita cleared her throat. ‘What a lovely room.’

Not wanting to look at the bed-and really, there was very little else to look at-she walked over to the window, which looked out over a shallow, stony river to darkness beyond. The curtains hadn’t yet been drawn and she fingered the tieback uneasily. The idea of sleeping with Ed had seemed so easy before, but now that they were here, alone, her anticipation and excitement was curdling rapidly into a bad attack of nerves. She was suddenly remembering that she was forty and it was a long time since she had taken her clothes off in front of a man.

Ed came to stand beside her and they both looked out into the darkness. ‘It’s been a long time for me too,’ he said, as if he had read her mind. ‘Do you want to wait? We could go and have a drink and a meal and then see how you feel, if you like.’

Perdita took one last look at the river and then turned to face him. Placing her hands flat against his chest, she smiled and shook her head. ‘I think we’ve waited long enough,’ she said.

CHAPTER TEN

BY THE time they finally made it downstairs they had missed their table reservation, but they found a tiny table in the corner of the bar where they could sit close together and share a plate of sandwiches, which was all the kitchen could come up with by then.

Perdita was reeling with love, so boneless with satisfaction that she was amazed that her legs had worked well enough to make it down the stairs. Her whole body was throbbing, as if Ed’s hands were still sliding hungrily over her, as if his mouth was still teasing, tantalising, making her gasp. As if she could still feel the hard possession of his body and the spinning, shattering pleasure that had engulfed them both.

‘This is so perfect,’ she said to him when they had finished eating. She was leaning against his shoulder and resting her hand on his thigh, unable to keep her hands off him, wanting to touch him and make sure that this was real. ‘I don’t deserve it.’

Very tenderly, Ed smoothed her hair back from her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. ‘Yes, you do,’ he told her, and the warmth in his eyes made Perdita’s heart clench anew. ‘You deserve everything you want.’

She smiled and slid her hand possessively over his thigh. ‘In that case, I want to go back to bed!’

Perdita woke early the next morning. She hadn’t slept much-Ed’s body was too unfamiliar for that-but she didn’t care. She lay pressed into his back, one arm curled round him so that she could feel his chest rising and falling steadily, and her heart swelled. How long was it since she had felt this peaceful, this happy?

Outside, the wind was splattering rain against the window. They had never got round to closing the curtains the night before and, by lifting her head cautiously so as not to disturb Ed, Perdita could see…well, not much more than she had been able to see through the darkness. Any view of green hillsides was blanked out by lowering cloud. Strange, when the room felt as if it were full of sunshine…

She lay down again and snuggled closer to Ed, kissing the nape of his neck until he stirred and rolled over to face her. Surprise flickered in his face as he looked at her-had he been expecting to see Sue, and was he disappointed to find her instead? Perdita wondered for one dismayed moment and then pushed the thought aside. This was a new start for both of them.

And, look, he was smiling as the sleep cleared from his face. ‘Good morning,’ he said, pulling her towards him for a kiss.

‘Good morning,’ she said demurely. ‘I’m afraid there’s bad news.’

‘What’s that?’

‘It’s raining,’ Perdita told him. ‘We won’t be able to go for that long walk we planned.’

Ed’s smile deepened. ‘Oh, dear, what shall we do, stuck in here all day?’ he wondered and she gazed innocently up at the ceiling.

‘I can’t imagine. We’re going to be pretty bored.’

He laughed out loud at that and rolled over swiftly to pin her beneath him. ‘One thing I never am with you, Perdita, is bored!’ he said, and she laughed and wound her arms around his neck.

‘I’ve got an idea about what we can do,’ she murmured wickedly.

Afterwards, Perdita was glad that they had that last time of love and laughter together. They were lying lazily entwined in the aftermath of loving, too replete to disentangle, when the phone by the side of the bed jangled.

Ed sighed and stirred reluctantly. ‘What’s the betting this is them wanting to know if we’re going to make it down in time for breakfast?’ he asked as he sat up and fumbled for the phone.

‘I’m starving.’ Perdita stretched luxuriously and ran a hand down his bare back, just for the pleasure of being able to do it. ‘If they want us to order, I’ll have a full English breakfast and a vat of tea.’

She never forgot the moment she realised that something was wrong. After his initial ‘hello’, Ed just listened to the voice at the other end of the line. Perdita, watching lazily at first, saw his spine stiffen and she tensed in turn.

‘OK, thanks,’ said Ed and put down the phone. He stared at it for a moment before turning to Perdita.

‘I need to ring home,’ he said.

His sister had been trying to ring him, he explained, but he had switched off his mobile phone the night before, so in the end they had remembered the name of the pub and called to leave a message.

Sick at heart, Perdita pulled on a dressing gown and waited helplessly as Ed dialled home. Please, let it not be one of the kids, she prayed. But why would his sister ring him if it wasn’t an emergency?

She couldn’t glean much from Ed’s side of the conversation. ‘Yes…yes…I see…no, you’re right…We’ll come straight home…’It didn’t sound like a tragedy but, whatever had happened, the golden happiness had leaked away, the bubble of sunshine had evaporated, leaving just a room in a pub with the rain beating drearily at the window.

Well, she had known it couldn’t last, Perdita reminded herself. That was why they were having an affair and not a proper relationship. There was always going to be a reason why they couldn’t manage a whole weekend away.

Ed put down the phone heavily. ‘What is it?’ Perdita demanded, suddenly frightened. ‘Is it one of the kids?’

‘No,’ he said. ‘It’s your mother.’

Her hand crept slowly to her mouth. ‘Mum?’

‘It’s not as bad as you think,’ Ed tried to reassure her hastily. ‘She had a fall last night and she’s a bit bruised, but otherwise she seems to be OK. Betty called an ambulance anyway, but your mother is refusing to go to hospital. She seems very confused, apparently, and Betty’s worried about that. When she couldn’t get hold of you, she went to see Joanna, who rang here. Although Betty’s with her, they think you’re probably the only person who can reassure her at the moment.’

‘Yes,’ said Perdita in a flat voice. Her face was white but she seemed calm. ‘Yes, I’ll have to go back.’

Ed was already pulling on his trousers. ‘I’ll drive you home.’

It was a silent journey back to Ellsborough. Perdita gazed dully out of the window, sick with guilt and bitter disappointment. A great, glitteringly cold stone seemed to be lodged deep inside her, squashing the last remnants of her happiness into oblivion.

Hard to believe now that only a couple of hours ago she had woken and felt as if golden sunshine were pouring through her veins! Now it had all solidified into a dreary leadenness that was weighing her down, making the smallest gesture a huge physical effort. It had all been so perfect…She should have known that it couldn’t last.

I don’t deserve it. Wasn’t that what she had said last night?

‘It’ll be all right,’ Ed said, but Perdita only shook her head.

‘No, it won’t,’ she said. ‘It’s never going to be all right for my mother again. Oh, she might recover from the bruises, but she’s old and she’s confused. She isn’t going to get better. She’s never going to be the mother I