Under the Boss’s Mistletoe

Natasha wiped tears from under her eyes. Predictably, she was one of those women who looked beautiful even when they were crying. When Cassie cried, she went all blotchy, her nose ran and her eyes turned piggy.

‘Because Rupert said he doesn’t think you’re really engaged to Jake,’ said Natasha in a rush. ‘He thinks Jake is just saving face, and if…if that’s true…then I would like to go to him, to tell him how desperately sorry I am that I hurt him, and ask if he’ll give me another chance. I swear I would never do anything like this again,’ she promised, an edge of desperation in her voice. ‘I can be what Jake needs, I know I can.’

Tight-lipped, Cassie handed Natasha a mug and pushed the carton of milk towards her. She wasn’t ready to prove Rupert right just yet, and besides there was last night. Everything had changed now.

Hadn’t it?

‘And what does Jake need?’ she prevaricated.

‘He needs someone who’ll make him feel safe too,’ said Natasha. ‘I know what a struggle it has been for him to get where he is now. He needs someone who’ll let him forget the past and love him for the person he is now. Someone who understands what drives him and doesn’t try to challenge him.’

No, thought Cassie instinctively. She shook her head. ‘I think you’re wrong,’ she said. ‘Jake shouldn’t forget the past. He needs to accept it, accept that it’s part of him. You can’t just pretend the past never existed.’

‘If someone doesn’t want to talk about their childhood, you should respect that,’ said Natasha. ‘Jake knew I would never press him about it. It’s one of the reasons he felt comfortable with me.’

Cassie could feel herself prickling with irritation. ‘Jake deserves more than comfortable, Natasha,’ she said. ‘He needs laughter and love and passion and-and acceptance of who he was and who he is.’

‘I can give him all of that,’ said Natasha defensively. ‘I do accept him. If I didn’t, I would want to change him, and I don’t. He doesn’t need to change for me.’

But perhaps he needed to change for himself.

Jake needed to let down his guard, to throw away his rule book and his specifications and let himself love and be loved-but that would mean him giving up control, and Cassie wasn’t sure he would be able to do that.

He didn’t believe in love. Jake had made that very clear. He thought all you needed for a successful relationship was a formula, and Natasha fitted his specifications perfectly. He had told her that.

They had agreed that they were completely incompatible. Two nights weren’t going to change that, were they?

Cassie’s heart cracked. She so wanted to believe that this magical weekend had been the start of something wonderful, but what, really, did she have to go on? When Jake kissed her, when his hands drifted lazily, possessively, over her body, she hadn’t needed to hear that he loved her. Then, the here and now had been enough, but now he had gone, and she could feel her confidence leaking out of her in the face of Natasha’s glowing beauty.

It was too easy now to wonder if he had turned to her on the rebound from Natasha, if he had simply been looking for someone different to distract him from the hurt and the humiliation of being left by the woman he really wanted.

Now, too late, she could remember that it had only ever been a pretence, and Jake had never suggested otherwise. Why hadn’t she remembered that before?

Because it wasn’t a pretence for her, not any more. Cassie loved Jake. She knew that she could give him what he really needed.

But what he needed wasn’t necessarily what he wanted.

Stirring her tea, Cassie looked across the table at Natasha, who had dried her tears and was looking poised and elegant once more.

Looking exactly like the kind of woman Jake had aspired to for so long.

A lead weight was gathering in Cassie’s chest as she remembered everything Jake had ever told her. He didn’t want to take the risk of falling in love. He didn’t want to lose control. He didn’t want to change.

Natasha could give him so many of things he had said he did want. She wouldn’t push him. She would let him keep his emotions all buttoned up-and wasn’t that, really, all Jake wanted?

Strange that she and Natasha should love the same man when they were so different, Cassie thought. There was Natasha: so beautiful, so sensible, so classy and so cool, representing the future Jake had worked so hard for- and there was her; clumsy, messy Cassie who muddled through and did her best but would never be more than an also-ran. Who would always be associated with the past he resented so much.

Did she really think Jake would rather be with her than Natasha?

Better to face reality now, Cassie decided. She wasted too much of her life dreaming as it was. This time, she would be the sensible one.

Natasha had been watching her face. ‘Is it true?’ she asked quietly. ‘Is Jake just trying to save face by pretending to be engaged to you?’

Cassie looked down at the ruby ring which she had never got round to taking off the night before. Very slowly, she drew it off and dropped it onto the table, where it clattered and rolled for a moment before toppling over.

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘It’s true.’

‘You did what?’ said Tina in disbelief. She had arrived about ten minutes after Natasha had left to find Cassie a sodden mess in the kitchen.

‘I told Natasha the truth.’

‘And sent her back to Jake with your ring? You’re mad, Cassie! You and Jake had something really good going there.’

‘We were just pretending,’ said Cassie drearily, blowing her nose. Unlike Natasha, she wasn’t a pretty sight when she cried, and she had just cried more than she had ever cried before.

Tina wasn’t having any of it. ‘Don’t give me that. I saw the way you kissed each other last night. There was nothing fake about that. Good grief, the top of my head practically blew off, and that was just watching you!’ She put her hands on her hips and shook her head at Cassie. ‘I can’t believe you’d just give up and let that drippy Natasha swan back to him. It’s not like you to be so wet. You’re crazy about Jake, and you just gave him up without a fight. What’s that about?’

‘Because it’s not a fight I could ever win,’ Cassie said miserably. Did Tina think she hadn’t thought about it? ‘We’re completely incompatible.’

‘You looked pretty compatible to me last night.’

Cassie’s eyes filled with tears again and she swiped angrily at them with the back of her hand. ‘We want different things, Tina. Jake thinks he can order a relationship like everything else, and I’m holding out for something he thinks doesn’t exist. I want someone to love me, someone who needs me as much as I need him. Jake thinks that’s a fairy tale.’

‘I’m sure he does love you, Cassie,’ said Tina, putting an arm around her shoulders. ‘He may not realise it yet, that’s all. I bet you anything he’ll send Natasha away with a flea in her ear, and come roaring back down here with that ring as soon as he hears what you’ve done.’

But Jake didn’t come. On Wednesday, Cassie sent him a brief, businesslike email saying that she was staying in Portrevick for a while to oversee work on the Hall. She didn’t mention Natasha, and nor did Jake when he replied.

Thanks for update, was all he said. Keep me posted. Regards, Jake.

Regards? Regards? Was that all he could say after he had rolled her beneath him and smiled against her throat? After his hands had unlocked her, made her gasp and arch? After he had loved her slowly, thoroughly, gloriously, and held her, still shaking, as they spiralled back to reality together?

How dared he? Furious, Cassie stabbed at the delete button. How dared he send her regards after he had made her love him?

Sheer anger kept her going all afternoon, but when it leaked away it left her more miserable than ever.

‘Tell him how you feel,’ said Tina, exasperated. ‘Put yourself in Jake’s shoes. He’s got no idea that you care for him at all. You have a great weekend together, and the next thing he knows you’ve tossed him back his ring and told Natasha he’s all hers. What’s the poor bloke supposed to think?’

‘What am I supposed to think?’ Cassie protested tearfully. ‘He didn’t even suggest