By Hook or by Crook

“Oh dear, my life coach said I needed to try being like a regular person, but I have no experience at it.” She slid into a chair. “My father is Alexander Rhead—of Rhead Productions.” She left it hanging, clearly expecting we would understand what that meant. When no one reacted, she continued. “We do CeeCee’s show, and a lot of others.”

“Then maybe you know who’s the subject of the episode they’re taping here,” I said.

Camille’s mouth fell open as if I’d asked her an inappropriate question. “My father is the head of the production company, and my husband is the executive vice president. We don’t deal with what goes on with the shows. We have people for that.” She slouched when she finished. “That sounded haughty, didn’t it? You see, I really need to be in this group. I need to be around regular people so I can get in touch with the regular part of myself.”

“Is that what your life coach said?” Dinah asked, holding back a smile.

Camille brightened. “Why yes. How did you know?”

“A lucky guess,” Dinah said.

“You don’t know how to crochet, do you?” CeeCee said. Her acting ability was falling by the wayside, the edge in her voice growing more obvious.

“Well, no,” Camille said.

“We only take members who at least know the basics. You really need to know what you’re doing if you’re going to make the blankets.”

I regarded CeeCee with surprise. New people showed up all the time and most of them were clueless. She or Adele were always happy to teach them. Why was she trying to scare off Camille?

“Maybe I can find somebody to give me some private lessons first,” Camille said.

CeeCee was shaking her head and about to speak when Adele made her entrance.

“Somebody needs crochet lessons?” she asked Camille brightly. CeeCee gave Adele a dark look, which had no effect. “I’d be happy to teach you.”

Adele took the opportunity to show off her latest project. Burgundy and gold striped mohair leg warmers. “Ali and I made these together,” she said to the group. “We met at the Yarnatorium this morning. They’re having a huge sale. She was going to come to the group, but she had to go to work.”

“Work?” Sheila said. “What does she do?”

“Why don’t you ask her next time she’s here,” Adele said, clearly not interested in talking about it.

Camille had started tapping her finger against the table in annoyance. This unnerved Sheila, who began tapping her fingers as well. The noise made the rest of us tense. Even the usually unflappable Eduardo seemed unsettled.

I had the feeling Camille wasn’t used to being kept waiting. And even though I insisted I wanted no part in running the group, I felt a responsibility for keeping Shedd & Royal’s customers happy. “Adele, why don’t you show us what you made later. If you’re going to give Camille crochet lessons, you ought to arrange it.”

It was a toss-up who appeared more annoyed: Adele for being interrupted or Camille for having to wait. CeeCee didn’t look too happy, either.

Camille moved down the table toward the filet piece and with her perfectly manicured fingers picked it up. She looked at it oddly for a moment, then let it flutter back to the table. “I’m not going to have to make something like that, am I?”

CeeCee saw her moment. “You might. You know, crochet isn’t for everyone. You might like knitting better.”

I could hear Adele sputtering behind me. She stepped between CeeCee and Camille. “Don’t listen to her. You don’t want to knit.”

I traded looks with Dinah. Uh-oh. Adele went ballistic whenever anyone brought up knitting. We all thought crochet was superior, but Adele was rabid about it. Her voice rose as she started her crochet rant, and Camille took a step backward.

“Crochet is more portable. Just one nice little hook instead of two poky needles. And there are so many things you can do with crochet.” Adele started to pick up the panel piece but apparently suddenly remembered Camille’s reaction to it and let it drop. Instead, she pointed to the yellow and white yarn daisy attached to her jean jacket. “You can make flowers like this, and granny squares, and afghans like you wouldn’t believe, and—”

Camille interrupted and said she had to go. I wondered if despite her life coach’s suggestion she had changed her mind about joining us. Not that I could blame her. CeeCee had been anything but cordial, and Adele had been, well, just plain weird.

“Okay, what was that about?” I asked after Camille left. Adele had written down her phone number and pushed it on her just before she walked away.

CeeCee sighed and glanced around the table. “It is just a waste of time having her join. Do you understand who her family is? Besides my show, Rhead Productions does Squirrels in Space, that animated series all the kids are crazy for, and Malibu Beach Watch, or as I call it, an excuse to broadcast a lot of good-looking people in tight bathing suits, and The Highlands, probably the most successful glitzy nighttime series ever. And there’s one more. Hercules Crawford, PI. Only Alexander Rhead would figure out the public was ready for an old-fashioned detective series.”

“I love that show,” Eduardo interjected, and CeeCee threw him an annoyed look. Undaunted, Eduardo said his agent was trying to get him a part on it. “Playing myself, of course. A cover model who ends up in the middle of a murder.”

“And the list goes on. It’s the most successful production company around,” CeeCee said. “Camille has been brought up like a princess. No matter what she says about wanting to be a regular person, she’s the kind who’d bring her maid with her to the group and have the maid do the crocheting for her. Besides, I don’t think her showing up has anything to do with wanting to make blankets for needy children.”

I shook my head at CeeCee. I’d never seen her react to anyone like this. “Is there something else you’re not telling us?”

CeeCee groaned and started to run her fingers through her hair, but must have realized it would muss it and stopped herself. “Okay, the real reason is I think’s she’s a spy.”

“What?” Dinah said. “A spy for what?”

“I haven’t mentioned it because I hoped it would be resolved by now,” CeeCee began. “But my agent is having some problems with my new contract. The Rhead Productions people are trying to say it’s the show that’s the hit and that my being host doesn’t matter. I think it’s all negotiating, but who knows?” CeeCee sighed. Of course she was worried. Before she’d gotten the job hosting Making Amends, she’d been reduced to doing occasional guest shots on series or cameos in movies. People knew who she was and the paparazzi had still snapped her picture, but financially she had been struggling. Her late husband had blown all the money she’d made over the years and she’d had to start from scratch.

CeeCee picked up a skein of iridescent white yarn and began to make a foundation row of chain stitches. “I’ve always been able to relax at our group get-togethers, but if Camille joined, I’d have to watch everything I said—or ate. When they were downplaying my importance to the show, they also made some comment about my not being as trim as they’d like.” CeeCee sighed again and glanced around at all of us. “I mean if you can’t have an occasional creme brulee, life just isn’t worth living. And I’m sure she can’t understand the hypnotic lure of a cream puff. If I were to take even a bite of one of Bob’s extraordinary cookie bars, Camille would go running to her husband and daddy and tattle on me.” CeeCee stopped talking and crocheting, clearly contemplating something.

She turned toward me. “Dear, didn’t you say Camille’s husband was in here right before we started?” When I nodded, CeeCee’s eyes grew bright. “Aha, I bet it was his idea she join us.”

“But we can’t keep anyone out,” I said. “Mrs. Shedd would have a fit, and I don’t like the idea anyway.”

Sheila touched CeeCee’s arm in support. If anyone knew about feeling upset, it was Sheila.

“I know, dear,” CeeCee said in resignation. “That’s why I did my best to try to make Camille not want to join.”

“Good work,” Adele said with a snort, holding up her cell phone. “She’s already texting me, wanting to set up her lesson.”

“Oh dear,” CeeCee said with a worried expression. We all assured her it would be okay and we finally got down to serious crocheting. But by now, most of the time for the group was over. Sheila had to rush back to her job