swinging doors and he squeaked and staggered back and hollered: 'Don't shoot!'
'Who said anything about shootin'?' I ast irritably, and he kind of got his color back and looked me over like I was a sideshow or something, like he always done.
'Your home,' says he, 'is a long way from here, is it not, Mister Elkins?'
'Yeah,' I said. 'I live on Wolf Mountain, 'way down near whar the Pecos runs into the Rio Grande.'
'Indeed!' he says kind of hopefully. 'I suppose you'll be returning soon?'
'Naw, I ain't,' I says. 'I'll probably stay here all fall.'
'Oh!' says he dejectedly, and went off looking like somebody had kicked him in the pants. I wondered why he should git so down-in-the-mouth jest because I warn't goin' home. But them tenderfoots ain't got no sense and they ain't no use wasting time trying to figger out why they does things, because they don't generally know theirselves.
For instance, why should a object like Rudwell Shapley Jr. come to Goshen, I want to know? I ast him once p'int blank and he says it was a primitive urge so see life in the raw, whatever that means. I thought maybe he was talking about grub, but the cook at the Laramie Restaurant said he takes his beefsteaks well done like the rest of us.
Well, anyway, I got onto my hoss Cap'n Kidd and pulled for War Whoop which laid some miles west of Goshen. I warn't wasting no time, because the quicker I got Gloria La Venner to Goshen, the quicker I'd have a clear field with Betty. Of course it would of been easier and quicker jest to shoot Bizz, but I didn't know how Betty'd take it. Women is funny that way.
I figgered to eat dinner at the Half-Way House, a tavern which stood on the prairie about half-way betwix Goshen and War Whoop, but as I approached it I met a most pecooliar-looking object heading east.
I presently recognized it as a cowboy name Tump Garrison, and he looked like he'd been through a sorghum mill. His hat brim was pulled loose from the crown and hung around his neck like a collar, his clothes hung in rags. His face was skint all over, and one ear showed signs of having been chawed on long and earnestly.
'Where was the tornado?' I ast, pulling up.
He give me a suspicious look out of the eye he could still see with.
'Oh, it's you Breck,' he says then. 'My brains is so addled, I didn't recognize you at first. In fact,' says he, tenderly caressing a lump on his head the size of a turkey aig, 'It's jest a few minutes ago that I managed to remember my own name.'
'What happened?' I ast with interest.
'I ain't shore,' says he, spitting out three or four loose tushes. 'Leastways I ain't shore jest what happened after that there table laig was shattered over my head. Things is a little foggy after that. But up to that time my memory is flawless.
'Briefly, Breck,' says he, rising in his stirrups to rub his pants where they was the print of a boot heel, 'I diskivered that I warn't welcome at the Half-Way House, and big as you be, I advises yuh to avoid it like yuh would the yaller j'indus.'
'It's a public tavern,' I says.
'It was,' says he, working his right laig to see if it was still in j'int. 'It was till Moose Harrison, the buffalo- hunter, arrove there to hold a private celebration of his own. He don't like cattle nor them which handles 'em. He told me so hisself, jest before he hit me with the bung-starter.
'He said he warn't aimin' to be pestered by no dern Texas cattle-pushers whilst he's enjoyin' a little relaxation. It was jest after issuin' this statement that he throwed me through the roulette wheel.'
'You ain't from Texas,' I said. 'Yuh're from the Nations.'
'That's what I told him whilst he was doin' a war-dance on my brisket,' says Tump. 'But he said he was too broadminded to bother with technicalities. Anyway, he says cowboys was the plague of the range, irregardless of where they come from.'
'Oh, he did, did he?' I says irritably. 'Well, I ain't huntin' trouble. I'm on a errand of mercy. But he better not shoot off his big mouth to me. I eats my dinner at the Half-Way House, regardless of all the buffler-hunters north of the Cimarron.'
'I'd give a dollar to see the fun,' says Tump. 'But my other eye is closin' fast and I got to git amongst friends.'
So he pulled for Goshen and I rode on to the Half-Way House, where I seen a big bay hoss tied to the hitch- rack. I watered Cap'n Kidd and went in. 'Hssss!' the bartender says. 'Git out as quick as yuh can! Moose Harrison's asleep in the back room!'
'I'm hongry,' I responded, setting down at a table which stood nigh the bar. 'Bring me a steak with pertaters and onions and a quart of coffee and a can of cling peaches. And whilst the stuff's cookin' gimme nine or ten bottles of beer to wash the dust out of my gullet.'
'Lissen!' says the barkeep. 'Reflect and consider. Yuh're young and life is sweet. Don't yuh know that Moose Harrison is pizen to anything that looks like a cowpuncher? When he's on a whiskey-tear, as at present, he's more painter than human. He's kilt more men--'
'Will yuh stop blattin' and bring me my rations?' I requested.
He shakes his head sad-like and says: 'Well, all right. After all, it's yore hide. At least, try not to make no racket. He's swore to have the life blood of anybody which wakes him up.'
I said I didn't want no trouble with nobody, and he tiptoed back to the kitchen and whispered my order to the cook, and then brung me nine or ten bottles of beer and slipped back behind the bar and watched me with morbid fascination.
I drunk the beer and whilst drinking I got to kind of brooding about Moose Harrison having the nerve to order everybody to keep quiet whilst he slept. But they're liars which claims I throwed the empty bottles at the door of the back room a-purpose to wake Harrison up.
When the waiter brung my grub I wanted to clear the table to make room for it, so I jest kind of tossed the bottles aside, and could I help it if they all busted on the back-room door? Was it my fault that Harrison was sech a light sleeper?
But the bartender moaned and ducked down behind the bar, and the waiter run through the kitchen and follered the cook in a sprint acrost the prairie, and a most remarkable beller burst forth from the back room.
The next instant the door was tore off the hinges and a enormous human come bulging into the barroom. He wore buckskins, his whiskers bristled, and his eyes was red as a drunk Comanche's.
'What in tarnation?' remarked he in a voice which cracked the winder panes. 'Does my gol-blasted eyes deceive me? Is that there a cussed cowpuncher settin' there wolfin' beefsteak as brash as if he was a white man?'
'You ride herd on them insults!' I roared, rising sudden, and his eyes kind of popped when he seen I was about three inches taller'n him. 'I got as much right here as you have.'
'Name yore weppins,' blustered he. He had a butcher knife and two six-shooters in his belt.
'Name 'em yoreself,' I snorted. 'If you thinks yuh're sech a hell-whizzer at fist-and-skull, why, shuck yore weppin-belt and I'll claw yore ears off with my bare hands!'
'That suits me!' says he. 'I'll festoon that bar with yore innards,' and he takes hold of his belt like he was going to unbuckle it--then, quick as a flash, he whipped out a gun. But I was watching for that and my right-hand .45 banged jest as his muzzle cleared leather.
The barkeep stuck his head up from behind the bar.
'Heck,' he says wild-eyed, 'you beat Moose Harrison to the draw, and him with the aidge! I wouldn't of believed it was possible if I hadn't saw it! But his friends will ride yore trail for this!'
'Warn't it self-defence?' I demanded.
'A clear case,' says he. 'But that won't mean nothin' to them wild and woolly buffalo-skinners. You better git back to Goshen where yuh got friends.'
'I got business in War Whoop,' I says. 'Dang it, my coffee's cold. Dispose of the carcass and heat it up, will yuh?'
So he drug Harrison out, cussing because he was so heavy, and claiming I ought to help him. But I told him it warn't my tavern, and I also refused to pay for a decanter which Harrison's wild shot had busted. He got mad and said he hoped the buffalo-hunters did hang me. But I told him they'd have to ketch me without my guns first, and I slept with them on.
