Dutch Me Deadly

“But that’s partially what I needed to tell you. If Paula Peavey doesn’t rejoin us, you have to tell them not to spend a lot of time pounding the pavement for her, because I have it on good authority that she might have caught a flight back to the states.”

“Paula Peavey, on the other hand, has shown up.”

“Oh, my God. Really? See! That’ll teach you to be such a pessimist. Is she back at the hotel?”

“No. Her body was dragged out of the Kloveniersburgwal canal about an hour ago.”

Eleven

I wheezed so forcefully, I nearly sucked my tonsils up my nose. “Ohmigod.” Was this why everyone was running away at the mere mention of Paula’s name? Was this why no one would admit how they got back to the hotel last night? They all saw something. Or did something. Or—“Ohmigod.” I squeezed Wally’s forearm as the puzzle came together. “They killed her.”

“What?”

“They. All of them. No wonder they’re stonewalling. They’ve committed murder!”

Wally raised his eyes heavenward. “I had to be put on two different kinds of blood pressure medication after my first run-in with you.” He plucked my fingers off his arm. “And I’m not about to fork out the co-pay for a third. Not with my crappy prescription drug benefits. That’s why you see me remaining calm and in control.”

“You’re hypertensive? Have you tried yoga? I’ve heard it can work wond—”

“Quiet!” He stuck his nose so close to mine, his breath singed my face. “Now, just so we’re on the same page, there was no murder.”

“But—”

“No murder. The police aren’t even planning to investigate unless the autopsy reveals something suspicious.”

“The suspicious stuff is happening right under our noses! The vacant stares. The urgent trips to the restroom. The—”

“They’re treating this as an accidental drowning, because as you may have noticed on your city tour—”

“We haven’t had the city tour yet.”

“As you’ll notice when you take your city tour, Amsterdam has so many canals, and so few guardrails, that one misstep can spell disaster.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Especially if you’re pushed.”

“She was not pushed.”

“How do you know? You never met Paula Peavey. She was a mean-spirited, unkind bully whose greatest pleasure in life was humiliating people. No one liked her. Even the people who associated with her hated her.”

“That doesn’t mean any of them decided to murder her.”

“Says you.”

“Say the police! I pulled Paula’s medical history form earlier. Did you know she suffered from vertigo? Just like in the Alfred Hitchcock movie. It can cause dizziness, loss of equilibrium, and a swimming motion in the head that can result in loss of balance.” His eyes gleamed with a “gotcha” look. “Still think she was pushed?”

“Yes.” I folded my arms across my chest. “Maybe.” I bobbed my head with indecision and tried not to look at him. “All right, how bad was her vertigo?”

“Severe.”

“So why would a woman with severe vertigo go anywhere near an open canal?”

“Why would a woman with severe vertigo go anywhere? Because she wasn’t living in a box. People travel despite their limitations, Emily. If they didn’t, you and I would both be out of a job.”

I acknowledged his premise with an ounce of grace and a pound of skepticism. “I don’t buy it.”

“You don’t have to buy it. The police aren’t soliciting your opinion.”

“They will,” I grumbled. “After the autopsy.”

He chatted away as if I hadn’t spoken. “I’ll tell the other guests about the incident once we’re gathered back on the bus. I hate to ruin their day with news like this, but they have a right to know what’s happened to a fellow member of—”

“No!” I straightened up so fast, I heard my spine crack.

Wally bowed his head, his voice oozing sarcasm. “Now what?”

“Please don’t mention Paula, at least not until we get some positive feedback on the Dicks. If my guys learn that Paula went missing because she was floating in a canal, they’ll convince themselves that the Dicks are floating in a canal, too, and the emotional upheaval might be too much for them to handle.”

“She wasn’t exactly floating,” he corrected.

“That’s not the point. I just want to spare Grace and Helen the needless anxiety of thinking their husbands are dead. Can you meet me halfway on this?”

Indecision flickered in his eyes, followed by a resigned snort. “All right, but I can’t wait forever. People have a right to know. I’ll give it until after our tour of the Anne Frank house this afternoon, and if we still don’t have any word on the Dicks by then, I’ll need to inform the group about Paula, whether you think it’s advisable or not.”

I nodded. “Fair enough. Thanks.”

He shrugged it off. “By the way, you might mention to the guests with those ‘urgent’ needs that they can take pills to treat the condition now, and the side effects are pretty minimal. Death only occurs in rare instances.”

My mind wasn’t focused on bladder control at the moment though. It was focused on something else he’d said. “If Paula’s body wasn’t floating, how did they find her so quickly?”

“A bicyclist spied something in the water that looked like a piece of polka-dotted kelp, so he got curious, took a closer look, and discovered it wasn’t a new species of kelp, but a woman’s polka-dotted scarf. Unfortunately, it still appeared to be attached to its owner. That’s when he called the police.”

“How did the police know it was Paula?”

“Contents of her fannypack. It was still fastened around her waist, which pretty much rules out robbery as a motive.”

Of course, robbery wasn’t a motive. Her classmates didn’t want to rob her; they wanted to kill her! “What did you say the name of the canal was?”

“Kloveniersburgwal.”

“And where is that located?”

“It runs south from Nieuwmarket to the Amstel River, on the edge of the medieval city.”

I pinched my lips in exasperation. “I’ve been here one day. I don’t know where any of that is. Can you give me some landmarks I might recognize?”

“Okay, you’ve been to the Red Light District. If you were walking home from there, you’d have to walk right by it to get back to the hotel.”

_____

“The bus will pick us up at this exact spot two hours from now,” Wally announced over the microphone, “so be sure and orient yourselves to the area so you won’t get lost.”

This was something of a no-brainer since we’d parked opposite a huge church whose spire reached the stratosphere. You could probably see it from Jupiter.

“The tour of the Anne Frank house takes about an hour,” he continued, “and it’s unguided, so you can view the rooms at your own pace. Be forewarned, they don’t allow large bags, backpacks, luggage, or picture-taking, so stow your cameras. The stairs throughout the house are typical Amsterdam stairs, meaning they’re extremely steep, so if you have problems with your knees, hips, or heights, I’d advise you to spend your time reading the display material rather than risk a visit to the secret annex.”

“Why can’t we take the elevator?” asked Ricky Hennessy.

“There’s no elevator,” said Wally.

“They should be reported,” huffed Bernice in a nasally voice. “It’s the law of the land. All public buildings