dating. I’m dating a really nice guy, as a matter of fact. His name is Kevin, and I met him in my graduate program. He’s handsome and smart and we have an
August 15, 2006
I love this place. I really do. I mean, I love L.A. and I love school, but this place is just…magic. Do you come here when I’m not here? I bet you do. I’m betting you read this journal last year because it looked like it had been paged through, and I greatly doubt Isabel went to look under the pillows on our bed to set it out on the table for when I got here this year.
So I think you were here.
And I have no idea how to feel about that.
August 20, 2006
Does time stand still for you? Have you been living so long that a year or two is nothing? It seems so long to me, but it’s probably like the blink of an eye to you. I remember you telling me once that a year was like a day when you are immortal.
So what does that mean? If I was just the blink of an eye in your life, why do you keep breaking into my apartment and giving me tickets to come here? Also, if you want pictures of me, you could call and ask for them instead of swiping the ones at my place. I really liked that picture of me at the beach. I actually had a tan.
August 23, 2006
I hate that everything in this house smells like you.
August 24, 2006
And I hate that I dream about you when I’m here.
August 29, 2006
I’m leaving tomorrow. I’m feeling very relaxed, so thanks for that.
I don’t know what to think about you anymore. Were you really a part of my life? I’d say it was all a crazy dream except for the cryptic postcards that I’m assuming are from you, and the tickets, and the fact that I’m friends with all your friends now.
I’m going to finish my master’s this winter. Only two and a half years. Not bad. I could have done better, but I was having a lot of fun. I learned how to rock-climb, kickbox, and I’m fairly good at a couple of martial arts, too. I’m even a pretty decent dancer now. Surprise, surprise. So I’m not going to regret the extra months.
Want to come to my graduation in December?
Yeah, didn’t think so.
August 1, 2007
I just got the best job! I’m in heaven. I think I might have finally found a library to top yours! I turned down a couple of positions because I was waiting for the right one and I got it! I’m starting at the Huntington Library next month! (I’m using a million exclamation points, but I don’t care!)
I wasn’t worried about money so much (thanks to my superior embezzling skills) but I wanted to find a place where I was really passionate about working. The Huntington is a private foundation, and its facilities are amazing.
Plus, they have this gorgeous botanical garden surrounding it, so it’s a beautiful place to work, and it’s an easy commute from my house in Silver Lake.
Oh, I bought a house. It’s pretty damn cute. It’s one of those Spanish bungalows built about eighty years ago and it has really nice architectural details. At least, that’s what my realtor, Matt, told me. Now he’s my neighbor, as a matter of fact. The house next door to his went on the market right after I met him, so I got a great deal because he found it right away and I could put in a quick offer. He’s a nice neighbor. We’re the only people on our block who are under eighty, I think. It’s an old part of L.A. up in the hills, but I really like it.
We’re not dating or anything. Actually, I’m pretty sure Dez has a crush on him, but she refuses to ask him out despite the fact that she’s usually very outgoing. Oh, and I’m not dating that Kevin guy either. I mean, I did for a while, but…he was kind of boring, to be honest. And he snored a lot. Like…a lot.
August 17, 2007
You’re missing it, but I’m a great rider now. Really. I even beat Gustavo in a race the other night. Still can’t beat Isabel, though. Damn, she is good. And on sidesaddle, too. How does she even do that?
Oh, and I’m a pretty good rock-climber, if I do say so myself. I’m still studying tai chi and judo, but I’m taking jujitsu now, too. I’m going to be sitting a lot as a librarian (yes! I can officially call myself a librarian now!) so I want to keep active so I don’t expand. You never have to worry about that, do you?
Jerk.
August 20, 2007
I have a boyfriend.
I don’t know why that’s weird to write. I just…I know we’re not like that. I mean, I thought at one point that maybe we would be, but obviously, we’re not. Don’t get me wrong, I was really mad at you for a long time, but I guess I understand. I’m going to live, what? Another sixty or seventy years? And you’ll still be here.
So, I get it now. I really do.
And my boyfriend is great. He’s kind of your exact opposite (not that I was looking for that, it just happened) except he’s tall like you. He’s Hawaiian. And gorgeous. His name is Mano, which means ‘shark’ in Hawaiian. He surfs, and he’s tan and has this amazing long, dark hair and black eyes.
He used to be a Navy diver, but now he has his own dive shop, and he and his friend run SCUBA classes and dive trips to Catalina. I met him in May when Dez forced me to take one of his classes. He has such a great smile. He’s just…so open and honest and he’s so…great. He’s great, and he’s really good to me, and everyone likes him. He wants to go to Houston and meet Grandma and Caspar this fall.
By the way, did Caspar tell you about Doyle and the Vietnamese vase in the entry way? I know you loved that vase, but please don’t kill the cat when you get back from…wherever you are.
August 29, 2007
I’m trying to be really mature and well-adjusted here, but I’m crying right now, you jerk.
I
I miss you so much. Why the hell are you never here? Why? Where are you? I want to feel your arms around me and sleep next to you and talk to you and tease you and I hate you, Gio. I can’t help it. I hate you.
But I don’t really, even though I wish I did.
I still think about you every day. And I compare every man I meet to you. And every time I smell smoke or whiskey, I turn and expect to see you there. Do you know I studied Latin so I could impress you? How pathetic, huh? At least that one might come in handy professionally at some point.
When I bought my house, I checked how many windows were in the bedroom (just one) and imagined them with heavy drapes as if you might actually stay there at some point.
And it’s pathetic. Because I will probably never see you again.
I’m leaving tomorrow. I don’t know if I’m going to come back next year. I just don’t know if I can keep doing this to myself no matter how much I love it here. Because when I’m in Cochamo, you’re everywhere.
I should probably take this journal with me. I can’t believe I just wrote that stuff.
August 5, 2008
Ah, ha ha. Very funny. So I threaten to take the last journal, so you take it (I’m assuming) and leave me with a new one. Clever.
Also, what are all these journals in the bedroom? There’s got to be a couple hundred of them and they’re all in Latin. Do you expect me to work while I’m here?
News flash: I don’t work for you anymore.
I do love working at the Huntington, though. Such an amazing job. I only get three weeks of vacation, so only two weeks in the valley this year. Bummer. But if I skipped out on Christmas with Cas and Grandma, they’d kill
