I, Alien

<trans: male ancestor> invented a new way to take advantage of the SLF <trans: speed of light factor>, and somehow we are able to scratch heads <trans: communicate>  this way*

Not many students are afforded the ability to use the MicroMac, and I must be brief or it will fire electrical charges into my system <trans: shock me>+

I did not realize you are in the twenty-first century*  My how instants wing <trans: time flies> is I believe the correct term from your era:

Yes, the word I meant was INTERN*  Of course I could not fulfill the mission <trans: job> in soft tissue <trans: in the flesh>, but I could certainly handle your datamail <trans: correspondence> from here$ To be less-than-sharply-honed <trans: blunt> it would also gain me extra scores, and as the Unicollege program is very competitive this would be of great aid to myself and my domestic unit <trans: family>.

If you have only sixty years how have you managed to attain your Q-factorization <trans: pre-eminence> in the field % Also are you speaking from the side of your mouth <trans: lying> when you say travel to other planets is not possible for the ordinary man=

Surely you are anything but ordinary, you are a breeder of some repute even in your era&

Thank you for your attenuation.

Genuinely,

Torthan Volbiss

1624.22 ABR, Herovit’s World

Dear Mike,

Thank you for tolerating my use of your first name! Also thank you for the language lesson, I will confine myself to ! ? and . .

Are you always so polite to your data-friends. I am impressed that you have answered all sixteen of my packets within one sunturn <trans: day>? You must have a great deal of time on your maniples <trans: hands>, my elucidator says you will be a wonderful mentor for this study. I agree, I can feel it in my skeletal structure <trans: bones>? It is very kind of you to answer my questions?

I am sorry to hear you are no longer breeding canines, although I agree that the invention of dentistry has probably made this unnecessary. My misunderstanding due to lingual problems, I am sure. Sometimes the convertor <trans: translator does not decode to perfection.

I am sorry I do not share your tongue, but the MicroMac will have to do as yours is a dead tongue. Perhaps eventually we can share tongues and become closer.

What is your habitat <trans: home> like, do you have wives! If so, where are they kept when their mouthpieces <trans: motors/alt trans: lawyers> are turned off. Do you regularly apneate <trans: sleep soundly> in a cama <trans: bed> or a Landsend <trans: hammock>!

I must penitate <trans: confess> that this project did not seem like much fun when it was assigned to me, but I am beginning to enjoy it.

Your new friend,

Friendily,

Torthan V.

* * *

1624.29 ABR, Darkover

Hi! Mike! How! are! you!

This was a joke as I have been wrestling your era. You said to use only one punctuate! . or ? This was only one for each word.

Are you laughing now. I am?

It is hard to translate humor, for instance I did not understand that your earlier reference to canines and dentistry was a joke. I will endeavor to be more attentive in future/past/present.

It is also difficult for me to understand what you mean by many of your references, since I do not have the scaffolding <trans: framework to compare. Perhaps you could hurl at me <trans: throw, send> a story to scan <trans: read>! I promise to regard it with open eyes <trans: an open mind>?

I am sorry for rushing but I am overdue at ergball <trans: no possible translation> and must soar <trans: fly>.

Rapidly,

Torthan V.

1624.39 ABR, Rama III

Dear Mike,

Thank you for your many answers, and the lesson on punctuation. I have reported your educational efforts to my elucidator, who has invited you to give a sermon <trans: lecture> here when science permits. This is a very great honor, I am pleased to present it to you!

I did not realize a sentient of your standing was permitted only one wife. Is this by custom or by chance? Also, what do you do when she is worn out? Are there many replacements available?

I am afraid I have not read any of your fiction, it is not encouraged in my family as we are reproduced for science. I am familiar with a writer of your era called Connie Willis, however, as we have elucidated <trans: studied> her works in our econosociobiology class. They are not fiction, is that correct!

ABR is standing in for <trans: short for> After Bush Resigning or After Bioengineering Replacement or something of the sort. I am not an ancient history major and do not know the answers to many of your questions, including also whether your fiction has survived and where the last Worldcon was. I do remember from early studying that the concept of World was outlawed after the inhabitation <trans: colonization> of Hominid II and its subsequent stubborn insistence on taking over its galaxy.

Sincerely,

Torthan V.

1624.41 ABR, Trantor

Dear Mike,

I am sorry I cannot check the bookstores as we do not have any. Or libraries.

Perhaps I am vocalizing inadequately. Information is transferred directly from RNA before birth. Those who are unable to retain information are culled. That is why the MicroMac is so important! Much information was lost in the aevum <trans: aeons> since your time, and you are helping to replace it in me! Because of you I am confident that my progeny will not be culled!

I anxiously await one of your chronicles, as I am also going through pubertization and hoping there will be some “pointers” in it because you seem to be very wise. Particularly in your commentary about wives and their replacements.

I anxiously await your box <trans: packago.

Frankly,

Torthan V.

1624.48 ABR, Pern

Dear Mike,

I am having great enjoyment in slinging your story words at my allies <trans: using your slang