The Beloved Scoundrel

“Because I didn’t want you in a trance.” He laughed harshly. “No, that’s a lie. I don’t give a damn if you’re in a trance as long as I’m the one who cast the spell. I want to be that sun. I want to heat you and make you open to me.”

Heat was moving through her now, she realized helplessly.

“One should never neglect an opportunity because it’s not exactly what one wants. I should have taken what you offered and gathered up the rest later. I regretted it as soon as I left you. I regret it now.”

Her head lifted swiftly. “I made no offer.”

“No?” He was sitting on the floor beneath one of the windows, his legs crossed, as perfectly at ease as he had been in the forest and at the table tonight. His face was in the shadows beyond the pool of light cast by the candles, and she could see only a shimmer of green as he looked at her. “Think back on it.”

She didn’t want to remember that scene in this room this afternoon. She had been trying to forget that moment of bewildering weakness. She would forget it. “You’re disturbing me.”

“That’s my intention.”

She tried again. “I don’t want you to come here anymore. And I want a lock on the door.”

“I shall come here every day.” He paused. “And there will be no locks between us. Not ever.”

“Then I’ll ignore you,” she said desperately. “You’ll become very bored sitting there talking to yourself.”

“I won’t be bored. I enjoy looking at you. I promise I won’t bother you. I’ll sit here meekly absorbed in my own thoughts.” He smiled. “I’m sure you won’t mind if I share one with you on occasion?”

“I do mind,” she said fiercely.

“How unfortunate. But I really think you must tolerate my small demands when I’m showing such restraint and consideration in the larger ones. I never wanted this, but it’s here, and we must both admit it.”

“I will not admit to something I do not feel.”

“You will… in time.”

She turned back to the table and began to trace in the border. Ignore him. He is not here. The work is the only thing of importance. He is not here.

He was there. Silent. Tense. Compelling.

She could not bear it.

The border was blurring before her eyes.

“For God’s sake stop weeping,” he said harshly. “I won’t have it!”

Tears were running down her cheeks. “It’s the smoke from the candles.” She wiped her eyes on the back of her hands. “And you have nothing to say about it.” She dipped her pen in the inkwell again. “If you don’t like it, go away.”

“I don’t like it.” He was suddenly kneeling before her on the floor. He took the pen from her hand and jammed it into the inkwell. “And I won’t go away, and I won’t have you-” He pulled her from the chair, to kneel in front of him. He shook her. “Stop it!”

The tears wouldn’t stop; they were only coming faster. “Do you think I wish to-” She broke off as a sob choked her. “I hate this place! It’s huge and it’s dark and there are too many people.”

“Oh, for God’s sake.” He jerked her into his arms, his hand cupping the back of her head as he held her face against his shoulder.

“Let me go.”

“Be quiet.”

“I want to leave here. They… they curtsy to me.”

“A terrible sin. I shall have it stopped at once.”

“You’re laughing at me.”

His voice was hoarse. “Believe me, I see nothing at all funny about this.”

She discovered she was clinging to him as Alex did to her when he woke from a bad dream. She tried to push him away, but his arms tightened around her. “Stop fighting me. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Yes, you will. You want to hurt me like those men hurt Mama.”

“It would be nothing like that. You’d like it. I promise you’d like it.” He stroked her hair for a moment before adding resignedly, “Or rather, you would have liked it.”

“I wouldn’t have liked it. You make me feel… strange and hot… and…”

“Shh, it’s better if we don’t discuss how I make you feel at the moment.” He took a lace-trimmed handkerchief from his sleeve and dabbed at her cheeks. “And absolutely imperative that we don’t discuss how I feel.”

She drew a deep, shaky breath and pushed away from him. “I will not do… what you… that.”

“No, you won’t.” He handed her the handkerchief. “Blow your nose.”

She looked at the fine linen square and shook her head.

“Do it,” he ordered. “By God, I’ll at least have my way in this.”

She blew her nose and immediately felt much better.

He rose to his feet and lifted her back onto her chair. “Work for another hour and no more.” He turned toward the door. “And sleep late tomorrow.”

He was leaving, she realized in astonishment. “I never sleep late.”

“You will tomorrow.” He glanced back to her. “Or I’ll carry you back to your bed.”

“I wouldn’t let you do-” She stopped as she met his gaze.

“Don’t,” he said softly. “Gregor says it’s necessary I walk a fine line, but I’m not sure it’s possible if you’re not equally cautious. It will take time and restraint.” He opened the door, and the draft caused the candles to flicker. “We have the former, but Gregor will tell you how lacking I am in the latter.”

Nothing could look less restrained than Jordan at the moment. His muscles were tensed, and his eyes glittered recklessly in the candlelight. “Where… where are you going?”

“I’m going to pay a visit to a lady of my acquaintance. Would you like me to tell you what we’re going to do?”

She knew what he was going to do. She could almost visualize him lying in bed, his hair loosened from his queue, his eyes intent as he- “No!”

“I wouldn’t have done so anyway. It would have been a shocking breach in conduct for a guardian.” He swung the door shut. “Good night, Marianna.”

Gregor was leaning against the stone wall beside the stable doors when Jordan rode out into the courtyard.

“I don’t want to hear a word from you,” Jordan said shortly.

Gregor ignored the injunction. “She wasn’t ready.”

“No.” He looked straight ahead. “She wept, goddammit.”

“Ah, you’ve never made a woman weep before.”

“It made me feel- I hated it.” He glowered at him. “If I didn’t know better, I’d swear you’d taught her to say exactly the right words to bring about the result you wished.”

“I did not have to do that. She had only to be herself. Where are you going?”

“Do you need to ask?”

He kicked the stallion and galloped out the gates.

Gregor gave a sigh of relief as he looked up at the tower. “It was very close, little dove,” he murmured. In all the years he had been with Jordan, he had never seen him in such a passion for a woman. Jordan had learned to control his unruly nature in many areas, but he was still Ana’s son, and the forbidden had always glowed like a beacon for both of them.

Well, Jordan himself had made the decision to avoid this particular forbidden fruit, so it might be possible that Marianna was safe from him.

He could only wait and see.

Ah, you’re down early,” Gregor said as Marianna came down the stairs. “That is good.”

“It is?” Nothing could have kept her from disobeying Jordan’s command to sleep late today. Only minutes after he had left the tower room, she had been overcome by shame and anger at the disgusting weakness she had shown. “Not that early. I’m usually up before first light.”

“What a terrible habit. I myself prefer to sleep late when I get the chance.”

“Then why are you up?” she asked with assumed casualness, “and where is Jordan?”