“I don’t have to admire her,” Jordan said through his teeth. “I want to throttle her.” He turned away from the tent. “Get Niko and at least twenty men. One of them has to be a good tracker.”
“None is better than Niko. Don’t worry, we will capture her before morning.”
“I don’t want to catch her. I want to follow her.”
“And gather everything up in one scoop.” Gregor nodded. “There are moments when you are not entirely stupid, Jordan. Of course, that could be due to my superior training.” When Jordan did not smile, he added quietly, “Do not be too angry with her. She used what weapons she had.”
“She used my pity and softness to make a fool of me. She deceived me. You’re damn right I’m angry.” He turned and strode toward the horses. “We’ll leave within the hour.”
I’ve come to bid you good-bye,” Gregor said as he entered Ana’s tent. “I’ve given instructions that you’re to be taken back to Rengar.”
“Toted in a wagon like a sack of flour,” Ana said, making a face. “What indignity for a ravin. Where is Alex?”
“Running about the camp, fetching and carrying for Niko and the others. He is worried about Marianna, and Jordan wished to keep him occupied. It will be your duty to comfort him after we leave.”
“I hear and obey.” She smiled bitterly. “It should be no task at all. According to Jordan, I need only beckon, and everyone falls beneath my spell.”
“There is some truth to that.” He fell to his knees beside her. “But it surprises me that he expressed it.”
“He was upset about the
“Yes, but he may never admit it. He is very angry with her now.”
“Because she deceived and left him. It must seem that all the women in his life betray him. She should hate me. Poor girl, neither Jordan nor I make life easy for those we love.” She reached out and touched his hand. “He thinks I’m some sort of evil Circe. I’m not, am I?”
He chuckled. “If you were, I’d be your first victim. Do I look like a swine?”
“You look beautiful.” She reached up and traced the ugly scar on his face. “You always look beautiful to me.”
He captured her hand and brought it to his lips. “I know.”
“How vain you are.”
“You see beauty because you see love.”
A shadow crossed her face. “Jordan said you were chained to my chariot wheels.”
“Do you have a chariot? I thought they were outdated.”
“I’m serious. Have I been selfish?”
“Yes.” He smiled. “But it’s a selfishness I would never do without.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss on her forehead. “I must go. I want to see you well by the time I return to Rengar. Do you understand?”
“I will be.” She clutched his hand more tightly. “Why?”
He raised his brows inquiringly.
“Why do you give me so much but not all?”
“You do not know?” A loving smile lit his face. “I’m surprised you have not guessed.”
“Tell me.”
“Because I am selfish too.”
“You are not selfish. You give to everyone.”
“Because it pleases me. Is that not a form of selfishness? I have loved you all my life, but I don’t want bits and pieces of you. When I was younger, I used to think it might be enough, but gradually I came to the realization that I am not a man who could bear a half-filled cup.”
“I am not a half-filled cup,” she said tartly.
“It could be the description is inadequate. Perhaps the problem is that you have always brimmed over the edge. At first you would not look at me because I was not comely and charming as you found Jordan’s father. I had always been there like an old sheepdog trailing at your heels.”
She tried to laugh. “Better a sheepdog than a swine, I suppose.” She swallowed. “Jordan is right. I’m not a good person. I did hurt you.”
“Not with intention.” He lifted her hand to his lips again. “And then you did finally look at me, but you were still preoccupied with fighting the demons you had created for yourself. You had to prove you had worth, you had to see Kazan safe and prosperous, you had to lure your son back to you.”
“You helped me try to do all those things.”
“Yes, I helped you, but I won’t cheat myself by accepting a minor place in your life.”
“You were never minor. How can I convince you? Dear God, what do you
“I want it all. Nothing else will satisfy me,” Gregor said simply. “And someday, when you give up your guilt and come to terms with yourself, you will be able to give it.” He rose to his feet. “It is time I left. I will send Alex to you.”
“Take care,” she whispered.
“Of course. What talisman do you think has kept me alive all these years? Selfishness made me the most cautious of men.” He smiled teasingly as he repeated softly, “I want it all.”
Niko came riding back to the troop. “She is heading north, over the mountains.”
Jordan’s gaze went to the mountains. Russia.
“Moscow?” Gregor murmured.
“Not necessarily. The Zavkov might be hidden somewhere close to the border.”
“What if her destination is Moscow? It’s a long, hard trip for a woman alone.”
“She’s not a fool. I’m sure she took food.”
Gregor raised his brows skeptically. “Enough to last her through a trek like that?”
“She can care for herself. When she was little more than a child, she traveled by foot halfway across Montavia.”
“This is different. There are few towns and villages between here and Moscow. She cannot hunt. How will she-”
“She may not be going to Moscow.” He nudged his horse into a gallop, leaving Gregor and his apprehensions behind.
She had used pity to disarm and blind him. He would not permit her to do it again.
CHAPTER 15
It is going to be Moscow.” Gregor’s breath puffed in the frigid air as he added, “I do not understand it. How does she know the way? Niko said she is traveling as if she were following a map.”
“That’s not surprising,” Jordan said. “Her mother made her memorize the Jedalar. I’m sure she would have given her exact directions as to how to reach the other half of the puzzle.”
“It is very cold.” He cast Jordan a sly glance. “But we have seen no sign of wolves. That is good. They get very hungry during the winter.”
“Be quiet, Gregor.”
“I am only trying to protect the Jedalar.”
“I know exactly what you’re doing.”
“Wolves have sharp teeth and strong jaws that can destroy flesh and bone with one crunch. Just think what they could do with our precious glass panel. Perhaps you should send Niko ahead to keep her in sight.”
“I don’t want her to know we’re following her.”
“It is worth the risk. She is probably concentrating too much on an empty belly and keeping alive to look behind her.”
Jordan muttered a curse.
