would sleep and grow stronger, and tomorrow she would be able to face Kadar with coolness and control.
Tomorrow…
4
THE NEXT MORNING, after a cursory knock, Kadar walked into the cabin. His arms were overflowing with garments. “Good day.” He crossed the cabin and deposited his burden on the bunk. “I thought you’d need something to wear since Balkir gave you no opportunity to pack.”
She wrinkled her nose as she picked up a mantle. “It stinks.”
“I had to bargain with the sailors, and you may have noticed they’re not overly clean. I’d hoped Balkir might have some female garments in the hold, since he also deals in piracy, but unfortunately there were none.” He smiled. “But you’re not unaccustomed to men’s garments. Do you remember when I brought you from Constantinople? You insisted on riding your own horse and dressing like a young boy.”
“I remember.” It had been a great adventure, her first taste of freedom, and she had made the most of it. “But they didn’t stink.”
“Ah, a little seawater. I’ll have Haroun fetch you a tub.”
“How is he?”
“Not complaining about
“What did you use to bargain for the clothes?”
“Another hour of life. It’s a commodity of great value.” His smile faded. “You didn’t sleep well.”
She should have realized he would recognize the signs. He knew her too well. “Of course I did.”
He shook his head. “I almost came to you last night.”
She stiffened.
“I assure you, I had other things on my mind than ravishment. Though we must talk about that as well.”
“We don’t have to talk about it. It’s over.”
He gestured impatiently. “It’s not over. It’s scarcely begun. It’s just not the time to show you the way of it.” He sighed. “As usual, you’ve distracted me. That’s not why I was going to come to your cabin.”
“You had no reason to come to me. I didn’t need you.”
“You did need me. We need each other. It’s always been that way and it always will be.” He reached out and gently touched her hair. “Reject me in every other way, but take comfort from me. I give it with my whole heart, and it hurts me to have you refuse.”
She felt the familiar melting and steeled herself against it. “I don’t want your comfort. I don’t want anything from you.”
He stared at her for a long moment. “And you care nothing that you hurt me.” His lips tightened. “I know I made a mistake. I reached out and snatched when I should have been patient. But, by God, I’ve been patient for years. I’m no monk. You were there and willing, and I knew I was leaving and might not see you-for a long time.”
“You were leaving,” she repeated. “You knew you were going and still you took what I offered. Do I care that you took my body? It doesn’t matter at all compared to you lying to me. If you truly cared for me, you would have found a way to take me with you wherever you went. I would never have left you. You preached of trust and then you didn’t even tell me about Sinan.”
“There’s no use talking to you. You’re not listening to me. Very well, then hug your anger close. Thrust me away. But when we reach Maysef, obey me. It may save all our lives.” He started toward the door. “And while you’re on this ship, stay in the cabin. If you want air, tell me and I’ll escort you. Don’t go among the sailors by yourself.”
“I’m not a fool. I know men care for only one thing from a woman.”
“Some men. If that’s all I’d wanted from you, I would have bedded you years ago.” He opened the door. “I’ll send Haroun with food to break your fast.”
The door closed behind him with a decisive force that was almost a slam. He was angry. Well, that was good. Anger would distance him. The faint unease she was feeling was just a lingering thread from that time when every breath he drew was important to her.
That time was no more.
“You summoned me?” Kadar asked.
“I’m going mad cooped up here.” Selene glared at him. “I have nothing to do. Every hour of my day was filled at Montdhu. We’ve been four weeks on this ship.
“Another two weeks perhaps. Haroun isn’t proving entertaining? I sent you a chess set I borrowed from the good captain.”
“He does his best. One cannot play chess every hour of the day.” She scowled. “Besides, I win all the time.”
“Poor Haroun. There are not many players your equal. I’d offer my services, but you made it clear you want none of my company.” He arched a brow. “Unless you’ve changed your mind?”
“I’ve not changed my mind. But you play a fine game of chess. Why should I cheat myself? It’s all your fault that I must endure this long, boring trip.”
“And it’s my duty to make it less boring.” He bowed. “I recognize my responsibility. I’m at your service. Shall I get out the board?”
“No.” She stood up. “I want to go on deck. I think I’m going to suffocate if I stay one more minute in this cabin.”
“You could have called on me before this. I was waiting.” He smiled. “Waiting for you seems to have become my life’s vocation.” He opened the door for her. “The sun is bright today. You should not stay out long.”
She wanted the brightness. She drew the fresh salt air deep into her lungs and gazed contentedly at the sun’s rays glancing off the blue of the sea. “I don’t want to ever go in.”
He took his burnoose from his head and plopped it on hers. “At least cover your head. That red hair is like a beacon, and you’re attracting enough attention.”
For the first time she noticed the glances she was receiving from the sailors. A little of her joy faded.
Kadar swiftly drew her to the rail and put himself between her and everyone else. “Look at the seagulls.”
“How close are we to land?”
“You can see it on the horizon.” He pointed. “That’s Italy.”
“Where the Pope lives.”
“In Rome, yes.”
“You went there last year to sell our silks.”
He nodded. “Hard bargainers. I prefer dealing with the Spanish.”
“I wanted to go with you. I wanted to see Rome and Naples. I wanted to see
“Perhaps I should have let you come.” He grimaced. “As it happened, it all came down to the same thing anyway.” His voice lowered. “If I had, I guarantee you wouldn’t have been bored.”
She felt the heat sting her cheeks. “You speak of coupling? I found it not so much. And one cannot couple for weeks at a time.”
“One can but try,” he murmured. “I think I know enough variations to keep us entertained for that length of time. Did I tell you that as a boy in Damascus I once worked in a house of pleasure?”
Her eyes widened. “No, you did not.”
“I probably thought it unfitting for your virgin ears. But you’re no longer a virgin, are you? So I can tell you of Jebra, who spent more time on her knees than she did her back. Or of the tight kiss that can bring more pleasure than-”
“I’m not interested in this.”
