“I’m not Kadar, who obeys promises blindly. Do you think I’ll let you get Kadar killed by using him to do some foolish task for you?”
“You’d prefer to get him killed protecting you?”
Pain sliced through her. “That’s not fair. It wouldn’t happen again.”
“I wish I could believe you. I cannot. He won’t be safe until you’re safely back at Montdhu.”
“I told you, nothing would have happened to him if everything had gone as I planned. I didn’t know Nasim would come to-”
“True, but circumstances seldom can be manipulated. Things go wrong, and every man has a weakness. You’re Kadar’s.”
“I’m not anyone’s ‘weakness,’ ” she said, bristling. “Certainly not Kadar’s.”
“He almost died for you. And he would do it again. Nasim knows that as well as I do. I have to take you out of the mix. I can’t afford to have him either threatened or distracted right now.” He paused. “I’m speaking the truth. And you know it. You’re a danger to him. Admit it, Selene.”
She didn’t want to admit it. She wanted to argue with him, to tell him-what? He was right. She had almost caused Kadar’s death. Nasim had used her before and would try to use her again.
She could feel the tears sting her eyes and hurriedly looked away. “When do you want me to go?”
“Tonight. The sooner, the better.”
“No. Kadar isn’t well. He still needs me.”
Tarik shook his head.
She lifted her head and forced a smile. “Very well, I’ll go. It’s not as if I wasn’t planning on leaving him anyway. It was only a matter of time.” Her voice was uneven and she steadied it. “And you needn’t stare at me as if I was the one who was wounded. I’m fine. This is exactly what I wanted to do.”
“Is it?”
“Of course it is.” She turned away. “I’ll be ready to go after I give Kadar his supper tonight.” She looked back at him and added fiercely, “But if you’re lying, if you cause anything to happen to him, I’ll come back and cut your heart out.”
“Nothing will happen to him,” he said gently. “I promise, Selene. I want to keep him well and alive as much as you do.”
She believed him. He meant what he said. But that didn’t mean he would succeed in protecting Kadar. “When will you take him away from here?”
“Tomorrow night. Once you’re safely away.”
“And you have a place to hide him from Nasim until he’s well?”
“I know such a place,” he said. “I know it’s hard for you to let him go, but it’s for the-”
“It’s not hard. It’s just not sensible for me to work so hard to keep him alive and then have you place him in danger again.” She moved down the hall. “I’m going back to him now. Make your preparations.”
“I will.” His words followed her: “One more thing. No words of love. It must not be a sweet good-bye. He must not follow you.”
“I do not love-” She couldn’t finish. She did love Kadar. She had always loved him and, God help her, she probably always would. Too much had happened for her to deny it any longer. She had protected herself against the fear that he would someday leave her, and look where it had led her. “It makes no difference if I love him or not. I’m doing this because it’s best for him. It changes nothing.”
“It can change everything. But it must not, in this case. You’re better apart.”
Apart. Separate. She felt a surge of loneliness. “I agree, but not because you say it.” She could feel his gaze on her back as she walked quickly down the corridor.
Kadar turned away from the window when she came into the chamber. He gazed at her searchingly. “Are you well?”
“Why shouldn’t I be well? Do you think a few sharp words can hurt me?” She turned back the coverlet on the bed. “It’s time for your nap. You’ve been up too long already today.”
“Tarik shouldn’t have said that. It was my decision. The fault was mine.”
“Of course it was. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I realized it immediately once I thought about it.” She gestured to the bed. “Now come over here and lie down. Tarik may think you well, but I don’t believe it.”
He hesitated, then crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. “I truly don’t need rest. It seems I’ve done nothing else of late.”
She pushed him down and pulled up the cover. “Be silent and close your eyes.”
“I won’t go to sleep.”
“Close your eyes.”
“Then I won’t be able to see you. You wouldn’t deprive me of my only pleasure?”
He was smiling coaxingly and she could not resist him. She didn’t know when she’d see that smile again. Perhaps never. She sat down on the stool beside the bed. “Do what you like. I’ve told you what’s good for you.”
“
She was tempted. Not for the passion that she knew would come but to be near him one more time. What was she thinking? It would only make the agony of parting more intense. Just sitting here by him, she was painfully aware of every nuance of his voice, his every expression.
“No?” He sighed. “I thought Tarik’s words might have inspired enough guilt to make you waver. It seems a long time since the tower.”
“You told me I had no guilt.”
“But when have you ever listened to me?”
“When you speak wisdom instead of foolishness.”
“Ah, you admit I’m not completely foolish.”
“Not completely.” She heard the first hint of unevenness in her voice and knew she must cut the conversation short. “Only when you chatter when you should be sleeping. I will no longer indulge your idiocy.”
“There’s something wrong.” He was studying her face. “God, you look tired. Rest. Don’t come to me tomorrow.”
She nodded slowly. She wanted to keep on looking at him, but she shifted her gaze. He always saw too much. He mustn’t see more than the expected weariness.
He mustn’t see the pain.
____________________
“Hold the torch higher.” Selene held on to the wall as she carefully negotiated her way down the stone steps. “It’s black as pitch down here, and these stairs are slippery. Do you want me to tumble down them?”
“Stop complaining. I’m the cripple, not you.” Tarik held the torch a little higher. “We haven’t much farther to go. The door to the tunnel is just beyond the next flight of steps.”
“And you’re sure Haroun will be waiting for me in the woods?”
“I told you, I sent him and my man Antonio out earlier this evening so they could fetch the horses from the village.” He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned to face her. “Stop questioning me, Selene. You know this is no trap.”
“How do I know?”
He smiled. “Because you trust me.”
“And is that why I ran away?” she asked sarcastically.
“No, you ran away because I was foolish enough to think that I could alter fate by frightening you into action.”
Her eyes widened. “You’re saying you wanted me to go to Balkir’s camp?”
He shrugged. “Perhaps. I’m human. I’ve wavered to and fro since you and Kadar came into my life. My motives can sometimes be twisted by emotion.” He swung open the heavy iron door. “It didn’t alter the situation. Fate seldom allows diversion from her chosen path.”
She tensed as she stared into the darkness.
“You’ll be safe. There’s nothing in that tunnel but a few rats.” Tarik handed her the torch. “In a week you’ll be in Genoa, boarding a ship for Scotland. I’ve given Antonio a note to the captain of my ship. He’ll set sail at
