him to undertake to avoid one young girl. Though it’s true you can be a great deal of bother on occasion.”
“You’re laughing at me.”
Thea caressed her cheek. “Never.”
“It hurts, Thea.” She leaned her head on her sister’s breast. “I never wanted this. I used to think you and Ware were foolish, you know. It seemed very dangerous to care so deeply about someone.
What if they left you or what if they died, like Mama died?”
“It’s always dangerous to care. One must just have faith.”
Faith, trust. Why did everyone throw those words at her?
“Kadar says I have no trust. Isn’t that stupid?”
Thea was silent.
Selene lifted her head. “Thea?”
“I didn’t realize he could see that. But then, Kadar is more perceptive than most people. I can see how your not trusting him would matter to Kadar. He does not give affection lightly, and his feelings for you are very strong. He would want all and resent you holding anything back.” She stroked Selene’s hair from her face.
“It’s not your fault that you’re so wary. Everyone you’ve ever loved has gone away from you.”
“Not you.”
“Even me. When I ran away from the House of Nicholas and left you there. I knew that would hurt you terribly.”
“But you came back.”
“But you weren’t sure I would, were you?”
“Of course I was.” Then she shook her head. They had never lied to each other. “No, but I hoped…”
“You see?”
“That was a long time ago. I’m older now.”
“And you love Kadar?”
“I do… care about him.”
Thea shook her head. “You’re too frightened to even say the words. I think Kadar may be a very wise man.”
“What are a few words?” She flared, stung. “I think you must be as stupid as Kadar.”
“Do you?”
She was instantly remorseful. Thea was everything that was loyal and loving. “No, I’m the stupid one. Forgive me. You should slap me.”
Thea smiled. “Not while you’re feeling this unhappy. Though I admit to wanting to give you a thorough tongue- lashing earlier.”
Selene stared at her in surprise. “Why?”
“I wanted no bloodshed tonight.”
“I would never have let it come to that.” But she had been too absorbed in her plan to prod Kadar to notice Thea had been worried, she thought guiltily. “You know I would do nothing to hurt you.”
Thea shrugged. “I know. Sometimes you don’t think.”
“It’s true. I’m a terrible, terrible person. I was selfish.” She jumped to her feet. “Come. We’ll go back downstairs and I’ll be very, very good. Kadar will think it’s because of him, but you’ll know. And tomorrow you stay late in bed and then spend the day playing with my godson. I’ll tend the guests and then make the round of the cottages to check the weaving myself.”
“You
But she would probably be up at dawn as usual, Selene thought. Perhaps she would mention to Ware how weary Thea looked. It would need only a word for him to become passionately concerned. When Thea had come down with the fever last year after giving birth to Niall, Ware had nearly fallen apart. Selene had never seen a man so besotted with his wife.
But would he remain enamored when Thea was no longer young and lovely? Nicholas had often displayed a passion for the youngest and comeliest women slaves, but the older women received little of his attention. And the men Nicholas allowed to use his women chose only the ones blooming with youth and beauty. She knew Thea believed that Ware would love her forever, but how could she be so sure that-
Trust. Shock jolted through her. Ware was her friend, and yet she feared he would destroy her sister with his fickleness. If she distrusted Ware, was Kadar right about her lack of trust in him? She had always thought she knew herself, but she had deliberately blinded herself to-
“Selene?” Thea was at the door, gazing at her inquiringly.
“Coming.” She moved quickly across the room. She would think of this more later. There was the rest of the evening to get through now, and she must help Thea all she could to make up for her lapse.
Trust…
2
MY GOD, he wanted her.
Kadar’s hand tightened on his goblet, his gaze following Selene as she moved about the hall.
She was being meek and polite as an angel sent from heaven. Talking to the old ladies sitting at the side of the room, trailing behind Thea, and helping with the servants.
Not once had she looked at him since she returned to the room with Thea, but he knew she was as aware of him as he was of her.
The awareness was always there. It had been there from the beginning. Since the first time he saw her in Nicholas’s house, her thin back scarred from that bastard’s whip, he felt a bond he had never felt before for anyone.
Why was he still here? The little devil was not going to look at him, and she had evidently decided not to further provoke him.
Tonight.
He had no confidence she would give up entirely. She was as stubborn and determined as Thea and far more single-minded. It was probably best if he left Montdhu for a while. Perhaps when he returned she would be able to give him what he wanted.
Or more likely he would toss this damnable caution aside and forget everything but taking her to bed. Why not do it now? It shouldn’t be so important to him. Nothing was perfect. His life had been full of compromises. He had grown up on the streets of Damascus, the bastard son of a Frank who had taken his Armenian mother and left her alone and with child. He had indulged in every kind of wickedness and dark pleasure, from the whorehouses of Damascus to the band of assassins led by Sinan, the Old Man of the Mountain. He knew all about filth and death and the few precious moments that made life worthwhile.
Then Selene had come into his life, only a child but touching, bonding with him, stubbornly holding back the darkness. It was a gift beyond anything he had ever hoped to possess. He should accept what Selene could give and be content. But, dammit, he wanted this one thing in their lives to be without blemish.
She had paused beneath a torch; her hair shimmered in its flickering light. She would never be the beauty Thea was, but her spirit lit this smoky hall like a thousand torches. He wanted to warm his hands before that fire, hold her, teach her…
God, he was thickening, hardening as he looked at her.
He couldn’t stand this. He would cross the hall and hold out his hand to her, take her from these people and make-
He muttered a curse and strode out of the hall.
The fresh air did nothing to cool him where he needed cooling. He would probably not sleep this night. It would
