“It’s not stubbornness,” he said. “It’s desperation. I couldn’t bear for you to grow to hate me.”
“Do you think me so unfair? Never mind. You’re obviously not thinking clearly. You’ll be much more reasonable when I get you to myself.”
“I shouldn’t go with you.”
“But you will.” She smiled lovingly at him. “Won’t you?”
He sighed. “I greatly fear I will.”
“You’re being very rude,” Tarik said as he watched Kadar lift Selene to the saddle. “Are we to at least know where you’re going?”
“No,” Selene said. “We’ve had enough intrusions. Go back to the villa. We’ll return there when we’re ready.”
“I don’t like this,” Layla said.
“Because you aren’t controlling us,” Selene said. “Don’t worry: In this instance, I’m doing exactly what you would want me to do. But I’ll brook no interference.”
“I still think we should know. What if we need to contact you?”
“Vaden knows where we’ll be. I asked him where we could find a safe, quiet cottage near Rome.”
Selene grimaced. “And we only hope he hasn’t directed us to a hovel like the one where we found him. It would be just like his wicked humor.”
“Vaden,” Tarik repeated thoughtfully.
“Don’t sound so hopeful.” Kadar mounted his own horse. “I told him if he revealed our whereabouts to you I’d cut his throat.”
“I don’t think we deserve this lack of trust,” Tarik said.
“Yes, we do,” Layla said. “Or I do. Stop arguing, Tarik, it will do no good.” She stepped forward and gazed into Selene’s eyes. “Be sure. There’s no going back.”
Selene nodded and turned her horse. The next moment she and Kadar were galloping down the mountain path.
“He’s going to try to persuade her to take Eshe,” Tarik said as he watched them disappear around the bend of the trail.
Layla shook her head. “No, she’s trying to persuade him to let her take it.” She made a face. “And I thought it was Kadar I had to warn. I should have known that once she made up her mind she’d throw caution to the winds.”
“Why are you concerned?” His tone was mocking. “Eshe is perfect, is it not? Mankind’s savior.”
“Not perfect, but wonderful. We just have to learn how to use it. You thought the same once.” She turned away from him to hide the hurt. “We disrupted their lives. I’m not so lacking in conscience that I’ll let them wander about the countryside with no guidance if they need it. I’ll go and see if I can find out where they’ll be from Vaden.”
“He won’t tell you. He has a liking for Kadar.” He fell into step with her. “But I’ll go with you. I have to speak to him anyway. He still hasn’t told me his price for destroying Nasim’s forces.”
“Are you sure you want to know?”
“No.” His lips twisted. “But it’s better than having it hang over my head like a sword.”
Tarik and Layla arrived at the villa two days later. The next day Vaden and his army left and headed north.
“Are you going to do it?” Layla’s gaze was on Vaden’s retreating figure.
“Do I have a choice?” Tarik asked. “I’d wager Vaden intends I have none.”
“You have a choice.” She suddenly whirled on him. “Why do you always fool yourself into thinking that anyone controls your destiny but you? You’re more like me than you think. You believe you wouldn’t have given Kadar the potion if he hadn’t been hurt.
You would have done it. Otherwise, all of your philosophy and soul-searching would have come to naught. Because you’re human, Tarik.”
“I never denied it.” His lips twisted painfully. “But I try to limit my opportunity for mistakes.”
“I know.” She tried to control the trembling of her voice. “Who should know better? I was one of your mistakes.”
“No, it wasn’t-”
“Don’t lie.” She blinked to rid herself of stinging tears. “I’ve always known it. Well, you need not put up with my presence any longer. After Kadar and Selene are settled, I’ll go away.”
He stiffened. “You’re going away?”
“Why not? You never wanted me here. You made that-”
She couldn’t stay here. She was running through the corridors and out into the garden. Dear God, she shouldn’t have lost her composure. She had been so careful not to let Tarik see the pain since she had arrived here. Where was her pride? Lost somewhere in the pain and regret and the-
“You were never a mistake,” Tarik said from behind her.
She didn’t look at him. “Yes, I was. From the beginning you never really wanted me. Oh, perhaps my body. But you wanted your scrolls and your learned discussions and your peaceful life. Then I came and everything was different. I made you leave the library, I caused you to be crippled and involved you with Eshe… and I gave you no children.”
“And you took me out of grayness into sunlight. I had only to look at you and I came alive.” He paused. “Just as I did when I walked down that hill and saw you again.”
She stiffened. Don’t be foolish. Don’t begin to hope. “How can you say that? You left me.”
“You know why.”
“Eshe. But it had nothing to do with us.”
“It had everything to do with us. It still does. It’s what brought us together. It’s what kept us apart.”
Past tense? Her heart stopped and then began to race. “I haven’t changed. I can’t change. Not about Eshe. I’ve tried. I believe you’re wrong, Tarik.”
He was silent. “Perhaps we can come to some compromise.”
She held her breath. “Why?”
“If you’d turn around and face me, I think you’d know.”
She couldn’t face him. Not yet. “Why?”
“Because I can’t fight it any longer. I don’t want to fight it. I thought I wanted peace, but peace can be very dull.”
“You say that now. But you left me before.”
“Not because I didn’t love you. It was that damnable relentlessness. But over the years I’ve found I’m stronger than I gave myself credit for. I’ve discovered I can do battle with you if necessary.”
“And?”
“Why, I deserve you, Layla. For good or ill, for the rest of our years, I deserve you.”
“That doesn’t sound like a statement of devotion to me. Ill? Do you insult me? Do you think I’d let anything bad-”
“Look at me, Layla. I tire of staring at your back.”
She took a deep breath and turned to face him.
He was smiling at her. He held out his hand.
Joy soared through her. She wanted to run to him.
No, she had always been the aggressor. That had been part of their problem. Compromise. This time he must come to her. “You may be right,” she said unevenly. “There’s a possibility you do deserve me.”
And he took a step toward her.
21
“YOU’RE BEING VERY STUBBORN.” Selene rolled over on her back and straightened her bodice. “What does it
