background as the basis for stability in a marriage, seemed utterly alien. There weren't any stable marriages.
“It's under the chair,” he said to her, pointing out the shoe she couldn't see. Molly had one sandal in her hand and looked lost. Her blouse was unbuttoned, her long legs bare, the partial curve of her bottom visible beneath the hem of her shirttails. When she twisted toward him, the delicate swell of one breast was exposed, as was the supple slope of her hip where it gently flared out from her narrow waist. A waist he could almost circle his fingers around. They had shared so much pleasure and sweetness this summer. “You're going through with it?” His voice was gruff.
She nodded, and his jaw stiffened. He lay motionless and silent in the rumpled bed while she dressed, watching her with dark inscrutable eyes, the room heavy with the odor of warm bodies and sperm. He was distant, so unlike the wildly passionate man who had made love to her so recently. He made her feel like a stranger.
And when she'd started to stumble over a clumsy adieu, her bottom lip trembling with sadness, he'd broken in and said, “Lots of luck,” half-meaning it because he loved her, half-sarcastic with anger.
All she heard was the anger.
“You'll have to unlock the door to get out,” he added in a lazy drawl, as if he were finally through with her now and she could leave.
The next morning Molly tried to talk to her mother after breakfast. She hadn't slept much, torn with doubts, aching with her loss, and she only abstractly listened to her mother's discussion of their scheduled dinner with the Coopers that evening. “Bart will be in town now until the wedding. Won't that be nice, dear? I know it's been hard on you with him gone at school all summer, but if he graduates early and steps into that wonderful internship… Well, what could be better?”
“Mom,” Molly hesitantly began, the words rehearsed a hundred different ways during the sleepless night hours, “did you ever wonder if you were doing the right thing marrying Dad?”
Her mother looked up from the latest change to her seating arrangements for the dinner reception after the wedding, a seating chart she'd been juggling since May. “Would you believe Aunt Mae refuses to be within fifty feet of Gloria Dahlstrom? And George doesn't speak to Harold Mitchel since he ran against him for mayor. Well… they talk if you count a few short phrases and air so thick you could cut it with a knife.” She sighed distractedly and set a small square of cardboard three spaces down the diagram in front of her. Looking up, as if noticing Molly for the first time, she said, “Aren't you gone yet?” She glanced at the clock. “It's almost eleven. You're usually on your way to the beach by now.”
Molly and Carey had spent most of the summer at his private lake, but since Molly couldn't tell her mother that, she'd ostensibly been off to the municipal beach every day. “Not today, Mom. I think it might rain.” Like it's raining on my life, she thought miserably.
“Those days at the beach have given you a beautiful tan, perfect with your wedding dress.”
The tan she'd gotten with Carey. Her mother would die if she knew that.
“Now what were you saying, dear? I heard something about marrying Dad?”
She'd lost her nerve. “Nothing, Mom. Forget it.”
“Honey, if there's something you want to talk about, tell me,” her mother gently insisted, taking note of her unnaturally subdued daughter. “You and I have always been able to discuss things.” They had, but it was trivial stuff, like tears over fights with friends or what to wear to a dance or how Mrs. Hansen was a bear over piano technique. This wasn't the same. This was earth-shakingly different.
Working up her courage again, Molly began, “Did you ever wonder if Daddy was the right man for you?”
“Cold feet, sweetheart?”
Molly nodded. “Sort of.”
“Everyone has that feeling at one time or another, dear,” her mother reassured her. “It's perfectly normal with all this wedding commotion. Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't have been easier to have you two kids run off to Hawaii or somewhere.” She smiled and reached over to pat Molly's hand. “You'll get over it, honey. Have you seen the silver service Aunt Edith sent yesterday? It's terribly florid but solid and useful I suppose, and, after all, we all know her-”
“I really mean it, Mom,” Molly interrupted. “I don't know if I want-”
The motherly words of comfort broke in. “A case of the butterflies is typical. Marriage can seem so final when you're young. Now that Bart's back, you two will have your usual fun times together and, mark my words, the butterflies will disappear. He's just been gone so much this summer, the whole wedding doesn't seem real to you.”
“It's not only that. I don't know if I care about him enough.” There, she'd said it, or at least part of it; the part where she didn't have to mention Carey Fersten.
“Nonsense. You two have been chums since grade school. Bart's like a son to us and very handsome, too, I might add.”
Her mother was saying all the things that didn't matter to Molly, talking about Bart as if marriage were based on a list of positive assets. Taking a deep breath, her heart tripping inside her chest, Molly said, “What would you say if I told you I didn't want to get married?”
She watched the blood drain from her mother's face, saw the nervous flutter of her hands spread the seating charts in disarray. “I don't know what to say,” her mother answered after what seemed a very long time. “What do you want me to say?” she asked, bewildered and pale.
“Say it would be all right,” Molly said in a small, frightened whisper.
She always recalled with affection her mother's endearing attempt at understanding. Her face frightfully white, she replied, “Of course, dear, it would be-” she swallowed, and the last word came out more faintly than normal “- fine.”
But Molly could see it wouldn't be fine at all, and the whole crushing weight pressed on her shoulders.
“Tell me what's wrong, sweetheart,” her mother urged. “If it's any consolation, these last-minute jitters happen to everyone.”
Could she tell her mother she was thinking about throwing over Bart, who really was fun to be with and-yes, handsome and a chum, too-because she'd met a young man who made her tingle just thinking of him? Because this young man had hands that could slide over her body like silk and take her over the edge with a practiced skill that was pure heaven? Of course she couldn't. There'd be talk about lust versus love, and how similar backgrounds were the real basis of enduring marriages. There'd be the questions: “Why haven't we met him, dear? If he was serious, why hasn't he come to the house to meet your family?” And then, when they heard who it was, there'd be alarm because Carey Fersten was too wild, too strange, too rich to fit into this small, northern community.
The doorbell rang and for a moment Mrs. Darian looked distracted, her mind filled with disastrous visions of complete chaos. What to do with a thousand-dollar wedding dress. How to return the hundreds of presents. What would the caterers want for reneging on the contract on this short notice? And the band and hall rented for the dance. And the minister! Good God! And the Ladies' Auxiliary who'd been making yards and yards of satin streamers and bows to decorate the flower-decked sanctuary, altar, and pews. And the flowers ordered specially from Oregon where the weather was still cool enough this time of year to allow splendid roses. The doorbell pealed loudly, and this time she heard it. “I'll get it,” she said, and wearily rose from her chair.
Returning a moment later, she carried in a large bouquet of yellow daisies. “They're from Bart.” Her mother's voice was tentative, her expression uncertain. Placing them on the table, Molly saw the card pinned to the bouquet: To my sunshine girl. Love and kisses, Bart.
Molly felt terrible.
“What should I do, Mom?”
Her mother slowly shook her head and she suddenly looked older than she had ten minutes ago. “Whatever you think is right. No-” she quickly interposed “-I don't mean that. Just do what makes you happy. Daddy and I only want you to be happy. Don't worry about the rest.”
Molly looked at the yellow daisies and the hastily scrawled note. There was an energy and cheerfulness about Bart that was captivating and potent. If you stood in his wake, he'd carry you along. She may not love him the way she loved Carey, but what guarantee did she have that their intense passion would last? She'd known Bart all her life. Carey had entered her world like a blazing meteor, as exotic as a far-off star-and just as unpredictable.
“I'll take you away,” he'd said. And that was all he really meant.
“It would be a terrible bother to send back all the presents,” Molly said with a small smile. “Right? And if Liz can't sing at my wedding, she'll throw a fit. Besides, neither you nor I would have the courage to tell Pastor Helms
