a man-woman of the Crow … that medicine was thrust upon me when I had no choice. But I did bear up my strong medicine with dignity all of my days. And now I choose to die fighting my people’s enemy. Remember my death.’”
When the young man turned away, averting his misty eyes, the chief continued. “That’s when Bird in Ground slowly fell over to the side and closed his eyes. After all that time and pain, he simply laid over and closed his eyes … as if he were going to sleep.”
“I will never forget that look on his face,” Pretty On Top declared. “He was content. He died at peace with his medicine. At peace with the way he chose to die—as a man of honor. As a very, very brave warrior.”
After a long time Scratch was able to speak. He pointed to one of the brown buffalo-hide cones. “Is that his lodge?”
“Yes,” Rotten Belly answered. “Among our people the lodge is something a woman possesses. Not a man. But Bird in Ground’s medicine told him different, because he was a man-woman. We have not let anyone tear it apart or take it down in mourning. I don’t know what I will choose to do when we have to move from this camp —”
“May I sleep in it?” Titus suddenly interrupted.
For a long moment Arapooesh looked into the white man’s face. “Yes,” he finally answered. “I think that would be a good thing,
Pretty On Top agreed. Quietly he said, “I know Bird in Ground would say it is a good thing too—this, what you do to stay close to the spirit of your friend.”
She lay warm against him within the scratchy warmth of the wool blankets, both of them nestled under the weight of two buffalo robes. His own skin still smelled of hers and their coupling in the firefly darkness of the lodge where Bird in Ground once lived.
This woman who had been with him for several weeks now was younger than some who had come to be a bed warmer for him on the long winter nights spent among the Crow. This woman who had lost two infants to sickness and told him she could never carry another in her belly because something was torn inside her. No children, and now no husband. He had gone off to hunt one day early last fall, gone to bring in some game for their lodge … and never come back.
She too battled the beast of loneliness.
Here in the deep hours of the long winter night, Bass smelled the firesmoke in her tangled hair and thought back on the faces and hair, the breasts and bellies, hips and legs, of all those who had gone before her. And with those memories Scratch wasn’t at all surprised to find he still sensed the same sort of seeping emptiness he had always felt, something akin to that first flush of contentment that washed over him right after the moment of coupling began to seep out of him like milk oozing from a crack in one of his mam’s earthenware crocks.
Maybe, Titus told himself, he should be at peace with what he had shared with each of them in turn. Maybe that was enough.
Suddenly there in the darkness beneath that patch of dark sky hung above him at the smoke hole, Scratch found himself looking back on Amy as his very first stumble, falling headlong into the world of women. Oh, how he had been swept up with what his own body was experiencing while his hands raced over virginal Amy’s warm flesh, those soft breasts and rounded hips, the downy fur of her down below—all of it arousing him frantically: while his head didn’t have any idea what to do next, it was his body that took command of him that night at the swimming hole.
In the end Titus had to run away from her, from the prison she and those farmer’s fields would make for him.
By the time he found Mincemeat in that Ohio River tippling house as he was closing in on his seventeenth birthday, he came to appreciate all that a woman could do for a man when she herself knew and practiced more of all those mysteries of how a woman and a man pleasured one another.
But unlike that Kentucky farmer’s daughter he had escaped, Mincemeat ran away from him, leaving him a raw and open wound for the longest time.
When he had chanced upon the carnal warmth of Marissa in the loft of her father’s barn, Bass was beguiled at just how one woman could heal all those places left so tender and painful by the woman come before her. So good was what Marissa gave him of her body that Able Guthrie’s daughter almost did make young Titus forget the hurt, forget that he had vowed to make his way to St. Louis, forget that he swore he would never settle down in one place to work the land like his pap.
Lo, that second time he forced himself to flee from the prison he was sure his affection for Marissa would make for him, chaining him down to what he feared most.
In those brawling back ways and along the waterfront shanties of St. Louis, young Bass discovered no settlers’ daughters to threaten his freedom—only a procession of faceless whores who took no more than he was ready to give … until the night he ventured back to a tiny crib with a coffee-skinned quadroon just come up the river from New Orleans. In the candlelight of that tiny hovel, he found her skin to have the same sheen and color of damp mud along the banks where the Mississippi lapped.
Each time he visited the mulatto, Titus reluctantly promised himself that he couldn’t love a whore who lay with other men. But when he wasn’t with her, he was forced to admit that he couldn’t stop thinking about her, nor that pleasure she brought him. How good she made him feel about himself.
Yet in the end she too had deserted him—leaving for a man wealthy enough to buy her pleasures all for himself, just as a person would put something away on a shelf for no one else to enjoy. All Titus had left were the memories of the quadroon, and the blue silk bandanna she had tied around his neck.
During those dark and drunken days that followed, Bass had brooded only long enough to decide that it all proved beyond a doubt that he would never be anything more than a bone-headed idiot when it came to the fair sex. The women who wanted him surely wanted him only for security—something that scared him enough that he fled.
But what of those women
That’s probably why the Indian women had come like a breath of mountain breeze on a still, airless day. Fawn had asked so little from him that winter he had spent with the Ute in Park Kyack. And Pretty Water had wanted only to nurse him back to health that long autumn he had healed among the Shoshone at the foot of the Wind River Mountains. Even the procession of robe-warmers who had come to him in turn across each of the three winters he had spent among the Crow in Absaroka had demanded nothing more than to feel his body pressed against theirs in the darkness of their lodges.
Maybe it was better that he think of them as meaning nothing more to him than those whores like Conchita down in Taos: women who walked into his life and stayed for but a moment only to take away a little of that constant agony of his loneliness. They had come for nothing more than stolen moments, flickers of time a person snatched here and there the way he had snatched at fireflies as a boy.
Truth was, as a young man, that’s all he had really cared for: a woman of the moment to soothe an immediate need until he got itchy moccasins and moved on. A woman to stay only until he had rubbed his horns and the fever of the rut was gone.
So why was it not the same this winter? Why was he no longer able to curl up with a warm brown body, take his pleasure and give the woman hers, then sleep the rest of the night away without remorse? Why the hell had he begun to feel as if something was missing?
Hell, he had all he wanted to eat, and a warm shelter out of the wind. He had him a good mule and horses and a darn fine rifle and traps. And when it came to friends, why—Scratch figured no man could go any finer than the men Titus Bass called friend, both white and red. Besides, he didn’t answer to no booshway, and he sure didn’t bow and scrape to no gussied-up, apron-stringed eastern gal with her should-do-this and shouldn’t-do-that!
So why the hell was he lying here in the dark next to this warm, pretty, naked woman … and grappling with something a man of his spare talents had no damned business grappling with?
There had never been any doubt that he was the sort who stumbled through anything dealing with women, stubbing his toe and stumbling, yet somehow managing on in his own bumbling way—somehow just getting by when it came to the fairer sex. After all, right from day one back at that swimming hole in Boone County, Kentucky,
