anything to hit. And there would be, a matter of minutes before the ladder swung out again into the light.
“Idiot!” Gulun screaming now, the sound of running on deck, passengers whimpering in the background, the gunfire loud as bombs to them. Leon’s muscles locked still, waiting. “Don’t shoot! Alive, you idiot!” Wanting his day in court after all.
Leon glanced down. Black, nowhere to go, his body getting heavier in the wet clothes. He felt more drops on his hands, then looked at them. Not icy, warm, thicker. He moved his head to taste. Blood. Alexei dripping on him.
“Are you hit?”
“A scratch,” Alexei said, but panting, in trouble.
“Haul them up,” Gulun was yelling. “Get the searchlight.”
Alexei gave a stifled cry with the first jerk of the ladder. No winch, just hands heaving it up. They felt the ladder rise then stop again, bouncing, one of Alexei’s feet slipping from the rung, so that his hands took more weight. Leon looked up to see Alexei’s leg poking at the air, trying to find a footing again, then a new light, almost blinding. The police yanked the ladder again, shaking it, and Alexei’s other foot slipped, his body sliding down toward Leon, feet dangling, just his hands now, one of them dripping blood.
“There they are!” One of the policemen, pointing his gun into the light.
“Don’t shoot. Just get them up here. Help with the rope.”
Another pair of hands, a heave, this time with real force, just as a swell rolled the boat, the ladder swinging out as it rose, the jerk upward finally stronger than Alexei’s grip. His feet smashed into Leon’s head, then the rest of him, a rock slide, Leon’s hands leaving the rope without his being aware of it, just rolling into an endless fall, Alexei clinging to his jacket, dragging him, and then not there, only the shock of icy water.
For a second he was too stunned by the cold to register anything, almost unconscious, then all the sounds came, the shouts from up top, the ladder flapping back, the frantic splashing, Alexei spitting and gulping water. Leon moved toward him, suddenly followed by the light, which had picked them up. Alexei was flailing, slapping the water at random and gasping for air. I don’t like boats. Leon swam over, his clothes like weights. He tried to approach from behind, cup Alexei’s chin above water, lift him up to a float, something he could tow, everything he’d been taught. Boys who couldn’t swim would clutch at you, make things worse.
“Alexei. I’ve got you.” Meant to reassure, take away some of the panic. “Lie back.”
Gurgling, not hearing, just seeing Leon and grabbing on, a desperate clinging, his head slipping under, pushing himself back up again on Leon’s shoulders, wheezing for air. More shouts from the ship, the
“Let go. I’ve got you. We’ll both-”
Then under again, swallowing water this time, Alexei on top, trying to climb on him, a human raft. Leon tried to move away but only managed to wriggle in place, as if he were wrapped in chains, and now he was sinking again and he realized, an ice pick of fear, that he could die. Saving Alexei. A man who’d do anything to survive, Leon nothing more than driftwood, something handy. His lungs began to burn, churning the same used air. And for a crazy second he thought of where he was, that he might drown somewhere in the view from Cihangir, Alexei’s hands still gripping his coat, taking him down too.
A hint of light-headedness, no time now. Get up. He turned his head, his mouth near Alexei’s hand, and bit down sharply. Only a second of release before the hand started clutching again, but enough for Leon to duck away, then surface, sucking air, Alexei still grasping his other hand. He looked over, their eyes locking, Alexei’s glassy with terror, and Leon saw what Alexei must have seen in the others, his victims, the terrible last moment when they knew they would die, a kind of animal bewilderment. Now his turn. All Leon had to do was let go of his hand, not responsible for any of it. An easier death, except for the frantic eyes, how the child must have looked, slipping from Anna’s grasp. And what if she had held on, pushed under by the thrashing, the child not even aware that Anna was taking water, sinking? He let his hand grow slack, making Alexei struggle to keep it, and he saw how it must have been, even the same dark water, Anna letting the hand slide away to save herself, not knowing the child would take her under either way.
Alexei made a noise, flinging his mouth back for air, arms flailing again, then his head dipped, as if he were being pulled under, and Leon imagined hands at his feet, Straulesti hands clawing at his cuffs, proof of the rightness of things. Except things were never made right. They passed, that’s all.
He swam closer, pulling Alexei up, then holding him under the chin, keeping his head above water. “Listen to me.” His voice rough hoarse.
Alexei’s hands came up again, grasping. Leon smashed down on them, pulling free, then caught Alexei’s coat as he was going under, twisting his body around so that Leon was behind as he yanked him back up, hand under his chin again. A violent sputtering.
“Fucking listen to me,” he said into Alexei’s ear. “I’ve got you. Do you understand? You’ll be okay if you do what I say. Do you understand?”
Alexei nodded, making an indistinct sound, his breath a ragged gurgling, his hands still punching the water.
“Stop,” Leon said. “Try to float.” A meaningless term, Alexei’s legs still scissoring beneath them. More sounds. “Stop, or I’ll let you go. I’ll let you go.” A muffled squeal, then the feet stopped, now rigid, a new deadweight, even heavier. “Relax. Let the water do the work. It’ll hold you.”
Another noise from Alexei’s throat, a yelp of disbelief. Weren’t there pools in Bucharest, lakes in the mountains? Why hadn’t he learned to swim? He tried to imagine Alexei as a boy, a kid in the streets, but no picture would come and he realized that he knew nothing about his life, that he was just a stranger who’d dropped in at the end of it, like the life preserver thrown from the deck. “I’m here,” he said.
Alexei stopped thrashing, so quiet that for a second Leon thought he was gone, but that would have made him stiffen and Leon felt instead his body growing limp, a giving in. He moved closer, the back of Alexei’s head resting against his chest, another breath, not as ragged, his body looser, moving with Leon’s as a wave lifted them, entirely in his hands. No escape hatch to the roof, gun drawn at the door, only Leon.
Leon looked up past the misty halo of the bright light, the deck railing crowded now, people yelling and waving their hands, seeing a different drama, a sea rescue. Mihai was motioning him left. He glanced over-the life preserver, bright white against the water. He paddled toward it.
“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” Afraid any movement would startle him now.
On the deck, there were more whistles, instructions, a new rumbling from the passengers. Leon heard Gulun ordering the police boat to pick them up. In a few minutes they’d be caught, netted up like fish. Saving Alexei for what? Saving himself. To be a murderer, the running itself evidence against him. He grabbed on to the bobbing ring.
“Here, hold this,” he said, but Alexei didn’t reach for it, safe where he was, and Leon saw that his arm was bloody, stanched only a little by the cold water and now starting again to leak through his matted sleeve.
He thought for a moment of putting the ring over Alexei’s head, but he’d never manage to work his arms through, not the bleeding one, so he just hung on, keeping Alexei’s head up against him.
“They’re coming?” Alexei said.
“Yes.”
“So we didn’t make it.”
“We’re alive.”
“For the Russians,” Alexei said, his voice low.
“Hang on!” Mihai yelled through the megaphone. Around him, people were looking down through the light rain.
Leon’s arm began to cramp on the lifesaver, feeling the cold. Think what to say to Gulun.
A minute later, he could hear the boat coming around the bow, another light shining toward them. Alexei turned his head.
“They’re coming,” he said.
“Just hold on,” Leon said, missing his tone.
“Let me go.” And then, before Leon could react, he twisted his head free of Leon’s hand and dropped away, pushing against Leon’s chest.
Leon stared for a second at the water, the empty space where Alexei had been, before he realized what had
