Private Eyes

“Dr. Delaware!”

“What is it, Melissa?”

“It’s Mother!”

“What about her?”

“She’s gone! Oh God, please help me. I don’t knowhatodo!”

“Okay, Melissa. Slow down and tell me exactly what happened.”

“She’s gone! She’s gone! I can’t find her anywhere- not on the grounds or in any of the rooms. I was looking- we all were looking- and she’s not here! Please, Dr. Delaware-”

“How long’s she been gone, Melissa?”

“Since two-thirty! She left for the clinic for her three o’clock group, was supposed to be back by five-thirty, and it’s… seven-oh-four and they don’t know where she is either. Oh, God!”

“Who’s they?”

“The clinic. The Gabneys. That’s where she went- she had a group meeting… from three to… five. Usually she goes with Don… or someone else. Once I took her, but this time…” Panting. Gulping for air.

I said, “If you feel you’re losing your breath, find a paper bag and breathe into it slowly.”

“No… no, I’m okay. Got to tell you… everything.”

“I’m listening.”

“Yes, yes. Where was I? Oh, God…”

“Usually she goes with someone but this ti-”

“She was supposed to go with him- Don- but she decided to go herself! Insisted on it! I told her- I didn’t think that was- But she was stubborn- insisted she could handle it, but she couldn’t! I knew she couldn’t and I was right- she couldn’t! But I don’t want to be right, Dr. Delaware. I don’t care about being right or having my way or anything! Oh, God, I just want her back, want her to be okay!”

“She didn’t show up at the clinic at all?”

“No! And they didn’t call till four to let us know. They should have called right away, shouldn’t they?”

“How long a ride is it to the clinic?”

“Twenty minutes. At the most. She gave herself a half hour, which was more than enough. They should have known when she didn’t- If they’d called right away, we could have looked for her right away. She’s been gone for over four hours. Oh, God!”

“Is it possible,” I said, “that she changed her mind and went somewhere else instead of the clinic?”

“Where! Where would she go!”

“I don’t know, Melissa, but after talking to your mother, I can understand her wanting to… improvise. Break free of her routine. It’s not that uncommon in patients who conquer their fears- sometimes they get a little reckless.”

“No!” she said. “She wouldn’t do that, not without calling. She knows how much it would worry me. Even Don’s concerned, and nothing gets to him. He called the police and they went out looking for her but they haven’t found her or the Dawn-”

“She was driving her Rolls-Royce?”

“Yes-”

“Then she shouldn’t be too hard to spot, even in San Labrador.”

“Then why hasn’t anyone seen it? How could nobody have seen her, Dr. Delaware!”

I thought of the empty streets and had a ready answer for that.

“I’m sure someone did,” I said. “Maybe she ran into mechanical problems- it’s an old car. Even Rolls aren’t perfect.”

“No way. Noel keeps all the cars in top shape, and the Dawn was like new. And if she did run into problems, she’d call! She wouldn’t do this to me. She’s like an infant, Dr. Delaware- she can’t survive out there, doesn’t have any idea of what it’s like out there. Oh, God, what if she had an attack and drove off a cliff or something and is lying there, helpless… I can’t take this anymore. This is just too much, too much!”

Sobs poured out of the receiver, so loud I pulled my ear away involuntarily.

I heard a catch of breath. “Melissa-”

“I’m… freaking out… can’t… breathe…”

“Relax,” I commanded. “You can breathe. You can breathe just fine. Do it. Breathe regularly and slowly.”

Strangulated gasp from the other end.

“Breathe, Melissa. Do it. In… and out. In… and out. Feel your muscles loosen and expand with every breath you take. Feel yourself relax, just relax. Relax.”

“I…”

“Relax, Melissa. Don’t try to talk. Just breathe and relax. Deeper and deeper- in… and out. In… and out. Your whole body’s getting heavier, deeper and deeper relaxed. Think of pleasant things- your mother walking through the door. She’s okay. She’s going to be okay.”

“But-”

“Just listen to me, Melissa. Do what I say. Freaking out can’t help her. Getting upset can’t help her. Worrying can’t help her. You need to be at your best, so keep breathing and relaxing. Are you sitting down?”

“No, I uh-”

“Find a chair and sit down.”

Rustle and bump. “Okay… I’m sitting.”

“Good. Now find a comfortable position. Stretch your feet out and relax. Breathe slowly and deeply. Every breath you take will make you deeper and deeper relaxed.”

Silence.

“Melissa?”

“Okay… I’m okay.” Whoosh of breath.

“Good. Would you like me to come out there?”

A whispered yes.

“Then you’ll have to hold on long enough for me to get out there. It will take at least half an hour.”

“Okay.”

“You’re sure? I can stay on the phone until you’re settled.”

“No… Yes. I’m okay. Please come. Please.”

“Hang in there,” I said. “I’m out the door.”

13

Empty streets made lonelier by the darkness. As I drove up Sussex Knoll, a pair of headlights appeared in my rearview mirror and remained there, constant as the moon. When I turned off at the pine gates of Number 10, a blinking red light appeared over the two white ones.

I stopped, switched off the engine, and waited. An amplified voice said, “Out of the car, sir.”

I complied. A San Labrador police cruiser was nudging my rear bumper, its brights on, its engine running. I could smell the gasoline, feel the heat from its radiator. The red blinker colored my white shirt pink, erased it, colored again.

The driver’s door opened and an officer got out, one hand on his hip. Big and wide. He lifted something. A