Private Eyes

“Nothing like the sun at the beach,” he said. “Gotta keep the old tan going. Perfect host and all that- got a certain goddam standard to uphold, right?”

He lifted the glass, sipped.

I said, “The last couple of days haven’t been a day at the beach for you.”

“Yeah.” Hollow laugh. “First I thought it was nothing- Gina’d lost her way, would come right back. Then when she didn’t show up by Thursday night, I started thinking maybe she had taken a drive- wanting to be free, like Sturgis said. Once I put that in my mind, I couldn’t get it out. Couldn’t stop wondering if it was something I did- drove myself nuts wondering. So what does it turn out to be? Goddam stupid accident, Jesus H… I should have known it wasn’t us. We were getting along great, even though… it was so… so…”

He made a tortured sound, picked up the glass and heaved it at the mirror. The frAulein’s face cracked; blades of glass tumbled out and shattered on the gooseneck spigot of the bar sink, leaving a trapezoid of white plaster. The rest of the mirror remained bolted to the wall.

No one came out of the kitchen.

He said, “Skoal. A-goddam-santA. Bottoms goddam up.” Turning to me: “What are you here for anyway? See what a secret fag looks like?”

“Touching base. Trying to make some sense of what happened, myself. So I can help Melissa.”

“Made any so far? Sense?”

“Not yet.”

“You one, too?”

“What?”

“Fag. Gay- whatever they’re calling it nowadays. Like him. Sturgis. And me and…”

“No.”

“Bully for you… Good old Melissa. What was she like as a little kid?”

I told him, emphasizing the positive, careful not to break confidentiality.

“Yeah,” he said again. “That’s what I figured. I would have liked- Ah, to hell with it.”

He got up with remarkable speed. Went to the kitchen door and called out, “Noel!”

The Drucker boy came out, wearing his red busboy’s jacket over a T-shirt and jeans and holding a dish towel.

“You can go now,” said Ramp. “The doctor here says she’s sleeping. If you want to wait till she wakes up, that’s fine. I’ve got nothing for you to do here. Just do one thing first: Pack me a suitcase- clothes, stuff, just throw it in. Use the big blue case in my closet. Bring it back here- doesn’t matter what time. I’ll be here.”

“Yes, sir,” said Noel, looking uneasy.

“Sir,” said Ramp, turning to me. “Hear that? Respectful youth. This boy will go far. Watch out, Harvard.”

Noel winced.

Ramp said, “Tell your mom it’s safe to come out. I’m not going to eat any of this. Gonna take a nap, myself.”

The boy went back into the kitchen.

Ramp watched him. “Everything’s going to change,” he said. “Everything.”

26

Just as I was pulling away from the curb, Noel came out of the restaurant. He spotted me and jogged over to the Seville. He’d removed his red jacket, wore a small backpack over his T-shirt. The shirt said GREENPEACE. He mouthed, “Excuse me.”

I opened the passenger window.

He said, “Excuse me,” again, and added a “sir.”

“What’s up, Noel?”

“I was just wondering how Melissa’s doing.”

“She seems mostly to be sleeping. The full impact may not have hit her yet.”

“She’s a very…” He frowned.

I waited. He said, “It’s hard to phrase it.”

I shoved the door open. “C’mon in.”

He hesitated for a moment, pulled off the backpack, placed it on the floor, and slid in. He lifted the pack and put it on his lap. His face was hungry and hurting.

“Nice car,” he said. “Seventy-eight?”

“Nine.”

“The new ones aren’t nearly as good. Too much plastic.”

“I like it.”

He played with the straps on the backpack.

I said, “You were saying something about Melissa. Something that was hard to phrase.”

He frowned. One fingernail scraped a strap. “All I meant to say was, she’s a very special person. Unique. Just from looking at her you’d assume she was something totally different than what she actually is- I mean, I know this sounds sexist, but most of the really good-looking girls tend to be concerned about superficial things- at least that’s the way it is out here.”

“Out here in San Labrador?”

He nodded. “At least as far as what I’ve seen. I don’t know, maybe it’s California in general. Or the whole world. I’ve never really lived anywhere else since I was a little kid, so I can’t really say. That’s why I wanted to get out of here- try a different environment. Not all this party-hearty.”

“Harvard.”

Nod. “I applied to a lot of schools, didn’t really expect to get into Harvard. When I did, I decided it was what I wanted, if the financial part could be worked out.”

“Was it?”

“Basically. Between what I’ve saved up, taking a year off to put more away, and some other things, I could have handled it.”

“Could have?”

“I don’t know.” He fidgeted, pulled straps. “I really don’t know, now, if going away is the best thing.”

I said, “Why’s that?”

“I mean, how can I leave when she’s going through something like this? She’s… deep. Feels things more strongly than other people. She’s the only girl I’ve ever met who’s really concerned with important things. The first time we ever met, it was unbelievably easy to talk to her.”

Pain in his eyes.

“Sorry,” he said, reaching for the door handle. “Sorry for bothering you. Actually, I feel kind of dishonest talking to you.”

“Why’s that?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “The first time Melissa called you- about wanting to come in and see you? I was there. In the room with her.”

I mentally replayed the conversation. Melissa excusing herself a couple of times… Oh, darn, hold on… hand over the phone.

“And?” I said.

“I was against it,” he said. “Her seeing you. I told her she didn’t need a- She could work things out herself. That we could problem-solve it together. She told me to mind my own business, that you were great. Now here I am, talking to you myself.”

“None of that’s important, Noel. Let’s get back to where we were- Melissa as a unique person. I agree with you on that. What you’re saying is you feel a unique rapport with her. And you’re worried about abandoning her in her time of need.”