'Why would they know?'
'Because he's there, Mr. Delaware. As of half an hour ago. And please don't ask me why, because I don't kno-ow. No one tells me anything.'
The deputy chief's. Milo in trouble again. I hoped it wasn't because of something he'd done for me. As I thought about it, Robin called back.
'Hi, how's the little girl?'
'I may have pinned down what's happening to her, but I'm oooyoo worried it may have made things worse for her.'
'How could that be?'
I told her.
She said, 'Have you told Milo yet?'
'I just tried to reach him and he's been called into the deputy chief's office. He's been flee-lancing for me on the department computer. I hope it didn't mess him up.'
'Oh,' she said. 'Well, he can handle himself-he's shown that.'
'What a mess,' I said. 'This case is bringing back too many memories, Robin. All those years at the hospital-eighty-hour weeks and all the suffering you can eat. So much garbage I couldn't do anything about'.
The doctors weren't always effective either, but at least they had their pills and their scalpels. All I had were words and nods and meaningful pauses and some fancy behavioral technology that I rarely got a chance to use. Half the time I walked around the wards feeling like a carpenter with bad tools.'
She said nothing.
'Yeah, I know,' I said. 'Self-pity's a bore.'
'You can't suckle the world, Alex.'
'Now there's an image for you.'
'I mean it. You're as masculine as they come but sometimes I think you're a frustrated mother-wanting to/eed everyone. Take care of everything. That can be good-look at all the people you've helped.
Including Milo, but 'Milo?'
'Sure. Look at what he's got to deal with. A gay cop in a department that denies there's any such thing. Officially, he doesn't exist.
Think of the alienation, day in and day out. Sure he's got Rick, but that's his other world. Your friendship's a connection for him-an extension to the rest of the world.'
'I'm not his friend out of charity, Robin. It's no big political thing. I just like him as a human being.'
'Exactly. He knows the kind of friend you are-he once told me it took him six months to get used to having a straight friend.
Someone who would just take him at face value. Told me he hadn't had a friend like that since junior high. He also appreciates the fact that you don't play therapist with him. That's why he extends himself for you. And if he's gotten in trouble because of it, he can deal with it.
Lord knows he's dealt with worse- Oops, gotta turn off the saw.
That's all the profundity you get out of me today.'
'When did you get so wise?'
'It's always been there, Curly. You just have to have your eyes open.'
Alone again, I felt like jumping out of my skin. I called my service.
Four messages: a lawyer asking me to consult on a child custody case, someone with an M.B.A. promising to
