I said, 'Would you like me to draw some more?'
She looked at her mother and grabbed Cindy's sleeve.
'Sure,' said Cindy. 'Let's see what other silly things Dr. Delaware can draw, okay?'
Minuscule nod from Cassie. She buried her head in Cindy's blouse.
Back to the drawing board.
A mangy hound, a cross-eyed duck, and a spavined horse later, she was tolerating my presence.
I edged the chair closer to the bed, gradually. Chatted with Cindy about games and toys and favorite foods. When Cassie seemed to be taking me for granted, I pushed right up against the mattress and taught Cindy a drawing game-the two of us alternating turning squiggles into objects. Child analyst's technique for building rapport and getting to the unconscious in a nonthreatening way.
Using Cindy as a go-between even as I studied her.
investigated her.
I drew an angular squiggle and handed the paper to her. She and Cassie were snuggled together; they could have been a poster for National Bonding Week. Cindy turned the squiggle into a house and handed the paper back, saying, 'Not very good, but.
Cassie's lips turned up a bit. Then down. Her eyes closed and she pressed her face against Cindy's blouse. Grabbed a breast and squeezed.
Cindy lowered the hand gently and placed it in her own lap. I saw the puncture marks on Cassie's flesh. Black dots, like snakebites.
Cindy made easy, cooing sounds. Cassie nuzzled, shifted position, and gathered a handful of blouse.
Sleepy again. Cindy kissed the top of her head.
I'd been trained to heal, trained to believe in the open, honest therapeutic relationship. Being in this room made me feel like a con man.
Then I thought about raging fevers and bloody diarrhea and convulsions so intense they rattled the crib, remembered a little baby boy who'd died in his crib, and my self-doubts turned stale and crumbled.
By I 0:45, I'd been there for more than half an hour, mostly watching Cassie lie in Cindy's arms. But she seemed more comfortable with me, even smiling once or twice. Time to pack up and declare success.
I stood. Cassie started to fuss.
Cindy sniffed the air, wrinkled her nose, and said, 'Uh-oh.'
Gently, she rolled Cassie onto her back and changed the little girl's diaper.
Powdered, patted, and reclothed, Cassie remained restless.
Pointing at the floor, she said, Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!'
'Out?'
Emphatic nod. A'he'' She got on her knees and tried to stand on the bed, wobbling on the soft mattress. Cindy held her under the arms, lifted her off, and placed her on the floor. 'You want to walk around?
Let's get some slippers on you.' The two of them walked to the closet.
Cassie's pajama bottoms were too long for her and they dragged on the floor.
Standing, she looked even tinier. But sturdy. Good steady walk, good sense of balance.
I picked up my briefcase.
Kneeling, Cindy put fuzzy pink bunny slippers on Cassie's feet.
These rodents had clear plastic eyes with movable black beads for pupils and each time Cassie moved, her
