we've got some sort of direct line to the power structure. I assume you know who my dad is.'
I nodded.
He said, 'It rubs me the wrong way, being treated differently. I worry about it leading to substandard care for Cassie.'
'In what way?'
'I don't know, nothing specific-I guess I'm just not comfortable with being an exception. I don't want anyone missing something important because they hung back or broke routine out of fear of offending our family. Not that Dr. Eves isn't great-I have nothing but respect for her. It's more the whole system-a feeling I get when I'm here.'
He slowed his pace. 'Maybe I'm just talking through my hat.
The frustration. Cassie's been sick with one thing or another for virtually her whole life and no one's figured out what's wrong yet, and we also... What I'm saying is that this hospital's a highly formalized structure and whenever the rules change in a formalized structure, you run the risk of structural cracks. That's my field of interest: Formal Org-Formal Organizations. And let me tell you, this is some organization.'
We reached the elevators. He punched the button and said, 'I hope you can help Cassie with the shots-she's gone through an absolute nightmare.
Cindy, too. She's a fantastic mother, but with this kind of thing, self-doubts are inevitable.'
'Is she blaming herself?' I said.
'Sometimes. Even though it's totally unjustified. I try to tell her, but.
He shook his head and put his hands together. The knuckles were white.
Reaching up, he rotated his earring.
'The strain on her's been incredible.'
'Must be rough on you, too,' I said.
'It hasn't been fun, that's for sure. But the worst of it falls on Cindy. To be honest, we've got your basic, traditional, sex rolestereotyped marriage-I work; she takes care of things at home. Its by mutual choice-what Cindy really wanted. I'm involved at home to some extent-probably not as much as I should be-but child rearing's really Cindy's domain. God knows she's a hell of a lot better at it than I am. So when something goes wrong in that sphere, she takes all the responsibility on her shoulders.'
He stroked his beard and shook his head. 'Now, that was an impressive bit of defensive pedantry, wasn't it? Yes, sure, it's been ~ned rough on me. Seeing someone you love... I assume you know about Chad-our first baby?'
I nodded.
'We hit bottom with that, Dr. Delaware. There's just no way to..
.'
Closing his eyes, he shook his head again. Hard, as if trying to dislodge mental burrs.
'Let's just say it wasn't anything I'd wish on my worst enemy.'
He jabbed the elevator button, glanced at his watch. 'Looks like we caught the local, Doctor. Anyway, we were just coming out of it Cindy and I. Pulling ourselves together and starting to enjoy Cassie when this mess hit the fan.. Unbelievable.'
The elevator arrived. Two candy-stripers and a doctor exited, and we steed in. Chip pushed the ground-floor button and settled with his back against the compartment's rear wall.
'You just never know what life's going to throw you,' he said.
'I've always been stubborn. Probably to a fault-an obnoxious
individualist. Probably because a lot of conformity was shoved down my throat at an early age. But I've come to realize I'm pretty conservative. Buying into the basic values: Live your life according to the rules and things will eventually work out. Hopelessly naIve, of course. But you get into a certain mode of thinking and it feels right, so you keep doing it. That's as good a definition of faith as any, I guess. But I'm fast losing mine.
