Rand’s mind right
“Open him up,” I said.
“I’m not a psychologist, but I do have a certificate in spiritual counseling. The nonverbal signs were all there, Doctor. Lack of concentration, drop in appetite, insomnia, general restlessness. I put it down to prerelease jitters, but now I wonder. And it began well before we got Rand home, so I don’t think it had anything to do with being stalked by a truck.”
“Can you tell me more about it?” I said.
“As I said, he’d been jumpy for a while. But when we picked him up in Camarillo, he looked awful. Pale, shaky, really not himself. During the drive home we stopped off to get some gas and my husband went to the men’s room and Rand and I had a few minutes alone. By that time, he was barely able to sit still. I asked him what the matter was but he didn’t answer. I decided to be a
“Something about what happened to Kristal,” I said. “Any idea what?”
“My assumption was he needed to unload. Because he’d never really dealt with what had happened. During our visits he had expressed some remorse. But maybe now that he could see freedom on the horizon, he was getting to a place where he could take a higher level of responsibility.”
“Such as?”
“Integrating his atonements into his consciousness. Perhaps by making proactive gestures.”
“I’m not sure I follow.”
“I know,” she said. “This must sound like gobbledygook to you. And I’m not sure I understand it myself. I guess I can’t help but think there was
“Sounds like you did more for him than anyone else did.”
“That’s kind, Doctor, but the truth is, with all the other fosters, there are so many demands on my attention. I should have reacted more… affirmatively.”
“Are you saying Rand’s guilt had something to do with his murder?”
“I don’t know what I’m saying. To be honest, I’m feeling pretty foolish right now. For bothering you.”
“No bother,” I said. “What had Rand told you before?”
“At first, he claimed he didn’t remember a thing. Maybe that was even true- you know, repression. Even if it wasn’t, the psychodynamic would be the same, right, Doctor? The enormity of his transgression was just too much for his soul to bear, so he closed up and marshaled his defenses. Am I making sense?”
“Sure,” I said.
“I mean, it was all that boy could do just to get through each day. They claim it’s a juvenile facility but it’s not that at all.”
“There were old scars on Rand’s body,” I said.
“Oh, I know.” Her voice broke. “I heard about each assault but was never allowed to visit him when he was in the infirmary. When we got home he changed into fresh clothes and I took the old ones to wash. When he slipped off his T-shirt, I had a quick look at his back. I shouldn’t have been shocked, but it was hideous.”
“Tell me about the assaults.”
“The worst was when he was jumped by some gang members and stabbed several times for no reason at all. Rand wasn’t a fighter, just the opposite. But did that stop them?”
“How seriously was he hurt?”
“He ended up in the infirmary for over a month. Another time he was surprised from behind and hit on the head while taking a shower. I’m sure there were other incidents he didn’t talk about. He was a big strong boy, so he recovered. Physically. After the stabbing, I complained to the warden but I might as well have spit into the wind. The guards beat the inmates, too. Do you know what they call themselves? Counselors. They’re hardly that.”
“Those types of experiences could make someone jumpy,” I said.
“Of course they could,” she said. “But Rand had adjusted, it wasn’t until his release approached that the symptoms began. He was an amazing person, Doctor. I don’t know if I could’ve coped with eight years of that place and not gone crazy. If only I could’ve guided him better… One thing about working with people, you constantly get reminded that only God is perfect.”
“Did you visit Troy as well?”
“Twice. There wasn’t much time, was there?”
“Did Troy ever express any guilt?”
Silence. “Troy never got the chance to grow spiritually, Doctor. That child didn’t have a chance in the world. Anyway, that’s what I wanted to tell you. Whether it’s relevant, I don’t know.”
“I’ll pass it along to Detective Sturgis.”
“Thanks… one more thing, Dr. Delaware.”
“What’s that?”
“Your report on the boys. I never got a chance to tell you at the time, but I thought you did a very fine job.”
Rick Silverman answered at Milo’s house. “I’m out the door, Alex. Big Guy flew to Sacramento a couple of hours ago.”
“Where’s he’s staying?”
“Somewhere in Stockton, near some youth prison. Got to run, car crash, multiple traumas. I’m off-call but the hospital needs extra docs.”
“Go.”
“Nice talking to you,” he said. “If you speak to him before I do, tell him I’ll handle Maui.”
“Vacation plans?”
“Allegedly.”
CHAPTER 20
Fun.
A woman’s body curled next to yours, inhaling her skin, her hair.
Cupping your hand over the swell of hip, tracing the xylophone of ribs, the knob of shoulder.
I propped myself up and watched Allison sleep. Absorbed the rhythm of her breathing and followed the slow fade of the flush that had spread across her chest.
I got out of bed, slipped on shorts and a T-shirt, and made my escape.
By the time she wandered into the kitchen wearing my ratty yellow robe, I’d made coffee and checked my service for messages and thought a lot about Cherish Daney’s call.
Rand wanting to talk about Kristal. Same thing he’d told me.
No, that wasn’t quite right. He had mumbled and I’d raised the topic and he’d agreed.
