Rage

with her fingers.

“Weird, how?” I said.

“Like part of him was happy but part was freaking out.”

“Happy about…”

“Getting me pregnant. Like he was… he never said ‘Great, you’re pregnant,’ but there was something… the way he looked at me. Like he was… Dr. Gwynn?”

“Proud of himself?” said Allison.

“Yeah, proud of himself. Like look what I did.”

“But there was also the angry part.”

“Exactly, Dr. Gee. Like look what you did, stupid. He called it ‘the problem.’ It’s your problem, Beth, but I’m going to help you fix it. I said maybe I’m just late, that happened before.” Her eyes shifted to the floor. “What I didn’t tell him was that I was pregnant before, years ago, but I lost the baby- it wasn’t really a baby, just a little glob of blood, I saw it in the toilet. This was in Portland, the people I was hanging with took me to a free clinic. I got scraped out and it hurt like cramps. I didn’t want to do that again unless I was sure. He wouldn’t listen.”

Allison said, “He demanded that you fix your problem.”

“He said we can’t afford to wait, Bethy. That’s what he called me, Bethy, I hated it but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.”

She turned toward Allison. “Dumb, huh?”

“Not at all, Beth. He manipulated you into thinking he was kind.”

Beth’s eyes got wet. “Yes, exactly. Even when he talked about fixing my problem, he was patient. But he wouldn’t let me disagree. Put a finger on my lips when I tried to say let’s wait. ’Cause I didn’t want to be scraped again. Anyway, the next day, he told Mrs. Daney we were going to a sports night out somewhere far. In Thousand Oaks, I think. Instead we went to this place, a clinic, that was close to the house. It was nighttime and the place looked closed but the doctor was like come on in. She put me in a room and I got aborted really quick.”

“Remember the doctor’s name?” I said.

“She never said. She had an accent. Short and dark, kind of… not fat but… thick, you know? Like she’d have a hard time wearing fitted jeans, would need relaxed fit? There was no one there with her but she moved real quickly, everything went real quick. Afterward, Drew was hungry and we went out for doughnuts. I had some cramps but they weren’t so bad. A few days after that, he stopped taking me to the nonprofits and he got another girl to be his assistant. A new one, she’d just been there a couple of days. I guess I felt jealous. For sure I was real bored so I took some money out of his wallet and went to Fresno. I met some new people. Dr. Gee? I’m thirsty.”

***

She finished two cups of water. “Thanks, that was refreshing.” To me: “You can ask me questions if you want.”

“Do you remember the name of the girl who became Mr. Daney’s new assistant?”

“Miranda. Don’t know her last name. She was younger than me, maybe sixteen. Mexican, like I said, most of the girls were Mexican. She thought she was street but she was just spoiled- had attitude. When she became his assistant, she was like, I’m all that.”

She twisted and faced Allison: “Maybe I should’ve told her, Dr. Gee. What being an assistant was. But even though she was just there a few days she was mean to me and I figured if she was all that, she could handle it.”

“You had a lot to deal with. It wasn’t your responsibility to protect anyone else,” said Allison.

“I guess… also, like you were saying before, I didn’t really figure out it was abuse. I thought it was…”

“Attention.”

Beth faced me. “I had no feelings back then, it felt like attention.”

Tears trickled from her eyes and she turned back to Allison. “What you said last week, Dr. Gee? Everyone looks for someone to attach to? I guess that was it.”

Allison walked around her desk and stood next to Beth. Beth held out her hand and Allison took it.

“I’m okay. Really… sir- Doctor- you can ask questions.”

“You’re sure?” I said.

“Yeah.”

Allison patted Beth’s arm and returned to her seat.

I said, “Do you think Mrs. Daney knew what Mr. Daney was doing?”

“I don’t know. He was always lying to her. About little things, like it was fun to fool her.”

“What kind of little things?”

“Buying doughnuts and candy and hiding them in his Jeep. He’d be like, ‘Cherish doesn’t want me to spend money on junk food, but we won’t tell her, huh?’ Then he’d wink. Like I was part of the… scheme, I guess you’d call it. But then he didn’t share the doughnuts and the candy. He was like, ‘You’ve got to keep that fantastic figure, Bethy.’ ”

She laughed. “Like I was some supermodel. Mrs. Daney was the strict one. Making all the rules, making the kids do their lessons. She could be a little bossy. I figured she didn’t have much fun.”

“Why’s that?”

“She was stuck in the house, cooking, cleaning, while he was driving around to all his nonprofits. He told me, ‘Cherish doesn’t like to have fun.’ Then he’d be like, ‘I’m so glad I’ve got you, Bethy, because you’re so beautiful and young with that gorgeous figure and you do know how to have fun.’ Then, he’d go off on some religious stuff.”

“He talked about religion?”

“Like a sermon in church. Like ‘Fun’s not a sin, Bethy. God made a beautiful world and if we don’t enjoy it, that’s the sin, Bethy.’ ” She smiled. “That was usually right before he’d unzip his pants. It was like he had to… convince himself what he was doing was okay with God.”

She waved a hand impatiently. “He’d go off on these long stupid speeches about God and fun. About God not being a God of vengeance like in the Old Testament. God was basically this cool guy who wanted everyone to have fun.”

The Creator as party animal. Hollywood would love it.

Beth Scoggins emitted a ragged laugh. “It was like he had to convince himself he was a nice person. Then I got pregnant and it was like, ‘You’ve got a problem.’ I think he enjoyed it.”

“Enjoyed what?”

“Getting me aborted. On the ride over he was real quiet, but when it was over he was in a great mood. Let’s go out for doughnuts. Like the whole thing was fun.”

***

I asked her if she remembered the name of the abortion clinic.

“Woman’s something.”

“The Women’s Wellness Place?”

“Yeah, that’s it. They had all these posters about AIDS and safe sex and making smart choices.”

“Did the doctor do anything besides the abortion?”

“Like what?”

“Blood tests, a general checkup.”

“No, nothing. Like I said, she was real fast. Something for the pain before, then scrape scrape, it’s over, here’s some Midol if it starts to hurt.”

She shivered. “Kind of spooky, no one was there, most of the building was dark. And I was by myself. Drew handed me over to the doctor and left. He was parked out on the street when I came out.”

“Did you go back for a follow-up visit?”