'Where would I be without your advice?'
'I suppose you'd be happily married to a millionaire.'
'I'd die first.'
She could hear Charlie grinning through the phone. 'Well, maybe you'd settle for a slightly mad scientist with a fetish for the paranormal. He's single, you know.'
'You don't say. He is kind of cute. I think he's carrying a torch for someone else, though.'
'Why don't we all get together for drinks when this is over?
'I'll think about it.'
She hung up smiling, then thought about climbing into bed for just a few more minutes. Maybe there would be a chance for some honest sleep after all.
--23--
Sarah lay on an examining table, arms and legs hanging limp, eyes vague and unfocused. Straps held down her wrists and ankles; Wasserman had insisted upon them, though they were hardly necessary, Jess thought. They had pumped her so full of tranquilizers it would be a wonder if she could move a finger.
'She'd stopped taking her regular medication,' Dr. Wasserman said from their place by the door, as they watched the young doctor do her work 'We found them under her mattress. I don't suppose you know anything about that?'
Jess glanced at him. 'I had no idea.'
'That's how these things happen. The brain is a very delicate thing. The slightest change in chemistry, and you've lost all that you'd gained.'
Jess had the feeling that Wasserman was speaking for his own benefit as much as hers. But he seemed to have regained his footing, looking calmer and more self-possessed than the last time she'd seen him. She had expected more resistance from him than she had received; when she had pressed for a fresh opinion on Sarah's condition, then asked to be present at the exam, he had not only agreed but seemed almost glad to have her. His only requirement was that it occur on-site.
The doctor undid the restraint from Sarah's right leg, then stretched it and released. Then she tested Sarah's reflexes lightly, tapping the bottom of her foot with a hammer.
'I want to make something clear,' Wasserman said. 'I must admit you seem to have connected with her in some way. But that doesn't excuse the fact that you've gone against my wishes on two separate occasions. I'm only allowing you in here because Jean insisted upon it.'
So that was it. Her urgent phone calls had done some good, after all. Professor Shelley had missed last Thursday's class, leaving only a note taped to the lecture hall door saying she was ill and giving the week's reading assignment. Jess had been unable to reach her. She had left several messages on the professor's machine, but did not know until now whether she had received them.
The doctor looked into Sarah's eyes with a penlight. She raised Sarah's lids and lowered them, frowning; flashed the light on and off, on and off. She felt about Sarah's skull and neck, ran her fingers carefully through the girl's hair, searching for scars. 'We'll need to do some more scans,' she said. 'MRI, EEG, CAT. I want to absolutely rule out a lesion. Are you sure she's never had a serious fall? Some sort of disease or swelling in childhood, an infection?'
'We've tested for all that already, years ago,' Wasserman said. 'Do you have a firm medical opinion?'
'Well,' the doctor said, 'from what you've told me I'd say it was some sort of muscular contractions caused by damage to her temporal lobe. A lesion such as that would explain the schizophenic-type behavior, as well as the seizures. Though I can't see anything right away that would bear that out. . . is this level of sedation really necessary?'
'She's tried to harm herself before. And when I've tried to bring her out she's begun to have the convulsions again. Right now this is the only way I've been able to keep her still.'
'All right. It will make testing her more difficult, but not impossible. I'd like to start with the EEG. We'll look for an abnormal pattern, and then, if nothing shows up, I'd like to go to the GAT scan. Maybe we can uncover a pocket of fluid somewhere that's causing a pressure.'
They set up an IV glucose drip to deliver a continuous stream or medication and keep her relaxed and docile. Jess requested and received permission to have a cot set up next to Sarah's bed; for the next several days she left only to go to class, and to go home to shower and feed Otto. She saw Jeffrey during her first visit every morning and evening, when he came through to clean. He would smile at her in that soft, gentle way of his, and it made her feel safe to know he was nearby.
One night she sat in semidarkness. The smell of the fresh flowers she had brought filled the room, but it wasn't enough to kill the sharp scent of disinfectant. The smell of hospitals. When Michael had been struck down she rode in the back of the ambulance with her mother, screaming through the streets while her brother's tiny, crushed body lay strapped to the gurney. The EMTs had worked over him like machines, fast and furious and calculating. But she had known even then that it was too late; whatever had lived in him was gone. She had felt it go, like a soft breath of wind.
She reached out and took hold of Sarah's hand. The flesh was cool and dry. 'I know you can hear me. Please, try to come back I'll do whatever it takes. Give me one more chance.'
She felt a gentle pressure. Sarah's hand curled in hers. Her eyes were closed, and now her mouth turned downward in a gentle frown, as if she were puzzling with something.
***
The next morning Jess woke up to find Sarah looking at her from the bed. She didn't move for a long moment, and then she rolled over and stood, brushing at her wrinkled clothes. 'Look who's here,' she said lightly, rubbing at her face. Her mouth tasted stale and sour. 'I'm glad you could join us.'
'I heard you talking to me last night. I just didn't want to wake up yet.' Sarah's eyes were bright and clear. A moment later Jess saw the reason; her IV had come loose during the night. Fluid dripped out to stain the sheets.
'You were scared?'
'Just tired. I'm always tired after . . . you know.'
'Honey,' Jess said, moving to the edge of the bed and sitting down, 'can you tell me what happened that day we went outside? Do you remember?'
'I don't want to.'
'It's important that you try.'
'No!'
'Okay. But you're not alone. I want you to know that. Maybe I haven't given you much reason to trust me yet, but I'm on your side.'
Sarah looked intently at her for a moment. 'You were thinking about something sad last night.'
'I don't remember anything like that.'
'It was about your brother.'
'How do you know about Michael?'
'He died a long time ago. I'm not him, you know. He's not here anymore.'
Jess felt a chill hand against her heart. She couldn't have overheard anything; she hadn't been talking to anyone. How long had the IV been disconnected? An hour? All night?
'Well,' she said, 'I guess I underestimated you, didn't I? I suppose Dr. Wasserman knows something about it by now. You overheard him talking, maybe? You can learn a lot by eavesdropping.'
'I wasn't eavesdropping. You told me the first time you came to visit.'
Jess sat down on the edge of the bed. 'But how did you know I was thinking about him last night?'
'I just knew.' Sarah let her head sink back into the pillow and closed her eyes. Dark circles ringed their edges. 'Sometimes these things about you come into my head. It's like you're speaking to me, only there's no sound.'
Poor thing. Jess was overwhelmed with pity. She looked so young. You don't deserve to be here, she thought. You deserve a family, someone who understands you.
They sat silently for a moment. Jess took her hand. Just as she thought Sarah had drifted off, she spoke in a sleepy voice, her eyes still closed. 'Do you have a mom?'
