Descent into the Depths of the Earth

away.

“Scram! Go on!”

Time was wasting. Escalla decided to free the sword and get it back upstairs where it could be put to use, but in tugging the weapon free from the toadstool, she almost gave herself a hernia. With a blade almost twice as long as she was tall, the sword was heavy enough to crush Escalla flat.

“This thing weighs a ton!” The girl kicked petulantly at thesword and hurt her foot. “Trust me to find a fat sword!”

I should hardly think anyone smeared in hat dung was in aposition to he insulting!

The voice had the prim, lofty tone of a school Ma’am. Escallawhipped about, scratching her bottom with one hand while pointing her wand with the other.

“All right, who’s the loud mouth with the death wish?”

It is I. Words seemed to form in Escalla’s mind-a phenomenon familiar toanyone who normally hung out with sentient hell hound skins. And kindly refrain from scratching yourself like that in public!

The sword was shivering slightly in Escalla’s grasp,irritating her skin and making a slight humming noise. The faerie sighed and turned a world-wise eye upon the blade.

“Oh goody. Talking cutlery with an etiquette fetish.”

It costs very little to keep up standards. The swordseemed to sniff in prim disdain. You seem a tad young to be wandering on your own. Does your father know you dress like that in public?

“Yeah! Dung stains and skin abrasions are all the rage thisyear!” Escalla sat down and glared at the sword. “So Spiky, what’s your story!”

With enormous dignity, the sword cleared its throat. Had it been a mortal, it would have placed spectacles upon its nose. I am the swordBenelux.

“Beni-what?” Escalla scratched between her antennae.

Benelux! It is an onomatopoeic word from the old Flannic tongue, derivative of-The sword suddenly made an irritated noise. Itdoesn’t matter! In any case, I am an enchanted blade, lost here through theworthless incompetence of my subordinates.

Escalla drolly rested her chin in her hand as she sat. “Meaning your owner you lost a fight and got pasted.”

If you must put it so crudely… yes.

Annoyed by the sword, Escalla slipped into sarcasm as her first, best defense against authority. “So who was your owner? Who pasted him,and what’s your claim to fame?”

I don’t reveal my powers to just anyone who asks. Thesword gave a superior little snort. I am the weapon of champions! I am not for the use of any scruffy, winged little vagabond who happens to go past.

“Well, that’s all right.” Escalla gave a shrug and beganhauling the weapon over to the edge of the toadstool. “We’re kinda encumberedright now, anyway. I don’t think we have much room in the party for a sword whofailed at sword fighting.” As the rust monster pranced happily down below,Escalla dragged the sword closer to the toadstool’s brim. “Can’t just leave youto fret and die, though. Kindest to get it over quickly, I guess.”

No! The sword squealed in fright. I can be useful!

“Useful how?” Escalla propped the sword up and leaned on it.“Come on. Tell Escalla!”

I’m more than just enchanted. The sword went into anawful sulk. I cut things!

“Oh, real unusual power.”

I cut them really well! The sword had become peevish.I’m always sharp.

“A a real labor saver. What? There’s a whetstone built intoyour sheath? I met a gnome with one of those once.” Escalla peered into thesword sheath. “Hoopy!”

Sharper than that! A sneer crept into the sword’s voice.I was forged from pure metal from the positive energy plane.

“Do tell.” Escalla matched sarcasm for arrogance. “Meaning?”

Meaning that I have an adverse effect upon things of darknessand creatures that draw power from the negative energy planes.

“Ooo! Like ghouls?”

Yes.

“And ghosts and wights and mummies?”

Yes.

“And demonic spider queens and liches?”

Yes! Thoroughly annoyed, the sword had lost its temper.Negative energy influenced creatures.

“Hoopy!”

The sword made a sneer. I had no idea education standards had dropped this low.

Giving the sword a wry look, Escalla pulled her nose. “Hey,Spiky! Do you get out much-you know, hang out with other swords and stuff? Ordon’t they like you either?”

I can afford to be choosy. The sword gathered itsdignity. My last owner was a perfect gentleman. I must say, you are hardly an adequate substitute.

“Lady, do I look like I’m going to be waving you around myhead and smiting the smitable?” Kicking away a probing rust monster antennae,the faerie struggled to drag the huge sword to a safer place. “I’ve got you inmind for a friend of mine.”

Full of suspicion, the sword hummed and hawed. What sort of friend?

“Oh, a warrior for good, upholds justice rather than the law,death on wheels, cleaves things apart, that sort of thing.”

Is he skilled?

“I hope to kiss a duck the guy’s skilled!” Escalla droppedthe sword. “You’ll like him! Remember when you were a little kid at school?”

I am a magic sword. I was never a child at school.

Escalla ground her teeth. “Then remember when you were alittle baby poniard in the cutlery barrel?”

No.

“Hey! Just gimme the benefit of some creative self-projectionhere!” Escalla slapped the sword’s sheath in annoyance. “Remember when you wereyoung and other critters came to bully you? Remember how you wished some big kid would just stroll in out of the blue, scare the bad guys off, and look after you?”

The sword’s voice sniffed in suspicion. You’re saying yourfriend is similar to that big child?

“Yes!” Grabbing the sword sheath, Escalla dragged itunderneath the shaft. “If that kid was about six foot six, shaven headed, couldtear mountain lions in half with his bare hands, and hung out with sentient hell hound hides.”

The sword seemed confused. That doesn’t seem a close matchto your comparison.

“So few metaphors stand up to close examination.” The girlwaved her hands in annoyance. “Are you coming to help my friend fight forjustice, or are you staying for lunch with mister rust monster over there?”

Supremely calm, the sword gave a huff. I believe I shall ascend and render assistance to your friend.

“Great. Could you quit grousing and try giving me a handhere?”

Prim and proper, the sword gave a snort. What is it now? What do you need?

“Well, if you don’t want to end up as rust monster food…”Escalla swatted at a probing rust monster antennae