“Estelle is missing, too,” he said. “I need…” He cleared his throat, and frowned at the picture in his father's hand. “I need you to help me find them.”
His embarrassment, I saw at last, was not over having married a woman of Shanghai, nor even that his wife had a dubious past. His shame was because he had been forced to come to Holmes for help.
8
among women. These few may reach back and find the
shadows to their light, the receiving to their giving,
and bring the worlds together.
These men are called saints, or gods.
Testimony, I:3
I LEFT HOLMES AND DAMIAN TO THEIR DISCUSSION A short time later, both through tiredness-we were, after all, just off an Atlantic crossing, and I never sleep well on the open seas-and cowardice: I did not wish to be there when Holmes suggested to his already estranged son that hunting through London for an eccentric, free- spirited daughter-in-law might not be the most productive use of his time.
Also, I needed some time alone to grapple with the idea of Holmes-of myself!-as a grandparent.
Lulu had unpacked my valise, although she knew me well enough to leave the trunks untouched, so I had hair- brush and night things to hand. I ran a hot bath, and felt my muscles relax for the first time in many days.
As I walked down the hallway to the bedroom, I heard that the men had moved inside, and one of them had considerately shut the sitting room door so as not to disturb me. The lack of raised voices indicated an amicable discussion, which suggested that Holmes had very sensibly agreed to assist his son. I climbed into bed, leaving the curtains open to the light of the moon, three nights from full.
From where I lay, I could see the grey glow of the treetops in the walled garden, and beyond them the ghostly outlines of the Downs. Thanks to the extraordinary appearance of Damian Adler on our terrace, I had missed the sunset completely.
I was grateful beyond words that he had re-entered our lives, and not only because of the hole that their uncomfortable meeting had left in Holmes. The world is large, when a man wishes to disappear, and the tantalising possibility that he was still out there had gnawed silently at us both.
I was especially pleased that Damian had grown into a man with weight to his personality-it would have been hard, had he turned out charming (a shallow quality, charm, designed to deceive the unwary) or dull. Instead, he was intelligent (which one would expect) and madly egotistical (marching in and laying his life and problems before us, without so much as a by-your-leave-but again, what might one expect of the offspring of two divas?) and he possessed that animal magnetism born of intensity.
It was difficult, with the artistic personality in general and the Bohemian way of life in particular, to know how much of their eccentricity was cultivated and how much was true imbalance. Damian had been hiding a lot, both in fact and in emotion. I had sensed deceit woven throughout the fabric of his story, everywhere but in his declared love for wife and child. However, subterfuge was perhaps understandable in a man coming to ask a favour of the father he barely knew, the eminent and absent father whose hand he had refused to shake, five years before.
The complexity of the man was both a comfort and a concern. I could only hope that, now he was here, Holmes would take considerable care not to drive him away-but, no, I decided, there would be little chance of that, not after he had held that photograph of Damian's family. I looked forward to meeting Yolanda Adler, wherever she had taken herself off to.
If nothing else, I thought as I pulled up the bed-clothes, a renowned Surrealist with a missing Chinese wife and small daughter promised to fill nicely the anticipated tedium of Holmes' return.
I woke many hours later with birdsong and the first rays of sun coming through the open window.
The house was still: Lulu would not arrive until ten, and the two men had talked until the small hours. Holmes had not come to bed, but that was a common enough occurrence when he was up late and did not wish to disturb me.
However, he was not in the small bedroom next door, nor on the divan in his laboratory. He was not in the sitting room, or on the terrace, or in the kitchen, and there was no sign that he had made coffee, which he did whenever he was up and out before the rest of the house.
I walked down to the door of the guest suite, where Lulu would have installed Damian. It was closed. I pressed my ear to the wood, hoping it wouldn't suddenly open, dropping me at my step-son's feet, but I could hear no sound from within. I frowned in indecision. Perhaps they had talked all night, after which Holmes had been struck by the desire to see his devastated hive.
Without coffee?
I tightened the belt on my dressing gown and reached for the knob. It ticked slightly when the tongue slid back, but the hinges opened in silence. I put my head around the door.
Nothing. No sleeping Damian, no foreign hair-brush or pocket change on the dressing table, no reading matter on the bed-side table, no carpet slippers tucked beneath the wardrobe. The bed had not been slept in; the window was shut. Stepping inside, I confirmed that the room was bare of his possessions, although clearly he had been here: He'd left a few crumpled bits in the waste-basket, along with a clump of hair from a hair-brush.
Upstairs, a quick search revealed that Holmes had not packed a valise for himself-but then, a man who maintained half a dozen bolt-holes in London did not need to carry with him a change of shirt and a tooth- brush.
Especially if doing so risked waking me with the creaks of the old wooden staircase.
I went back through all the rooms in the house, ending in the sitting room, where ashes and the level in the cognac decanter told of a lengthy session. There was no note to suggest when or why they had left, or for how long.
I sighed, and went to the kitchen to make coffee.
Holmes' unplanned and unexplained absence was by no means sinister, or even suggestive. We were hardly the free-love Bohemians of Damian's circle, but neither did we live in one another's pockets, and often went our separate ways. If Holmes had gone off with his son in search of a wayward woman and child, he was not required to take me with him, or even to ask my permission.
He might, however, have written me a note. Even Damian's wife had done as much.
I drank my coffee on the terrace as the world awoke, and ate a breakfast of toast and fresh peaches. When Lulu came, chatting and curious, I retreated upstairs, put on some old, soft clothing that had once belonged to my father, and began the lengthy task of disassembling my travelling trunks.
I emptied one trunk, reducing it to piles for repair, storage, and new possessions. As I was sorting through the odds and ends of the past year-embroidered Kashmiri shawl from India, carved ivory chopstick from California, tiny figurine from Japan-I came upon an object brought from California in a transfer of authority, as it were: the mezuzah my mother had put on our front door there, which a friend had removed at her death and kept safe for my return.
I looked up at a tap at the half-open door.
“Good morning, Lulu,” I said. “What can I do for you?”
“Mr Adler, ma'am. Is he coming back? It's just that his room looks empty, and if he's not going to be needing it-”
“No, I think he's left us for the time being.”
“That's all right, then, I thought he'd finished, and with Mrs Hudson coming home on the week-end and all I wanted-”
“That's fine, Lulu.”
“Are you nearly finished in here, because I could help if you-”
