Shadows Cast by Stars

And though I know I should, I won’t tell Madda that, either.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Madda and Helen surprise me by arriving at my house just after breakfast. They both wear baskets strung across their backs. “We need willow. There’s a good grove near here,” Madda says. “I used the last of my supply removing chips from the new Corridor people.”

“How many new people?” I ask as I grab my basket.

“A half dozen.” She yawns. “Kept me up most of the night. You’ll see them at the gathering tonight.”

We don’t speak as we follow the road along the lake’s edge. Madda glances at me from time to time, but doesn’t ask what I’m thinking about, though I can tell she’d like to know. What would she say if I told her I threw away the medicine pouch she gave me? I can scarcely believe it myself. How could I have done that?

Because it was talking to you, I tell myself. It was driving you crazy.

So shouldn’t I have asked Madda about it first?

Maybe, but it’s too late now, and I’d almost believe that, if it wasn’t for the sick feeling in my stomach.

The willow grove is on the shore of the lake. We squat in the mud and ask permission to take the willow before we begin our work. The mosquitoes arrive soon after, and even though Madda sprays us down with a mist that smells of camphor and lemon balm, they’re hell-bent on eating us alive.

Helen drifts close to me, and I can tell she wants to apologize so badly it’s killing her, but she can’t seem to find the words. So I find them for her. “It’s okay,” I say when Madda conveniently wanders out of earshot. “I understand.”

Helen’s on the verge of tears. “No, you don’t,” she says in a thick, choked voice. “You haven’t been anything but nice to me, and they…”

“Haven’t?” I arch an eyebrow. “That’s not hard to believe, considering how they treated me.” A tear slips down Helen’s cheek, so I bend to cut another branch of willow, giving her time to wipe the tear away. “I’m used to being alone, Helen. I’ve never had many friends-just Paul, really, and if they don’t like me, so what? But you-you’ve known those people for a long time. If it’s easier for you to pretend you don’t like me when they’re around, I understand. Really, I do. Doesn’t mean we don’t know the truth.” But it still stings just the same.

Helen sniffs and shakes her head. “No,” she says. “I’ll do it right next time. I will. I promise.”

That’s when Madda rounds the corner and wades her way back through the shallows toward us. “That’s enough for today,” she says, batting the bugs around her face. “Time to get back to the cottage.”

“Okay,” I say, though I take a moment to give thanks before we leave. Helen copies me. Madda nods in approval. If she only knew.

Once we’re back at the cottage, Helen and I are assigned the task of stripping the leaves off the willow branches. There’s a gathering tonight, and Madda wants the bark to make a tea for the hangovers she’ll have to treat tomorrow.

She works at her mortar and pestle, crushing feverfew. “Make sure you don’t drink any of that firewater the Band brings tonight-horrible stuff. Impure. It’ll give you a terrible headache. When you’re finished with that, bind the white sage over there into wands. Oh, and take this.” She slides a sheathed knife across the table to me. “It’ll come in handy. You never know when you might need to gut a fish or strip some bark. I never go anywhere without mine. Neither will you, from now on.”

I slip it onto my belt, feeling oddly pleased. The knife makes me feel like I’m an initiate of a secret order. Maybe I am.

Someone raps on the door. I rise to answer it, hoping that maybe it’s Bran. I haven’t seen him since he got back. Madda waves me away. “Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

“Fine,” I grumble. I’m tired of doing what I’m doing, but when I see who’s at the door, I find I’m very glad to be stripping willow. It’s Avalon. Helen slips out the back door at the sight of her.

“Hi, Madda,” Avalon says. “My dad said you’d have his medicine for him. He’s almost out.”

“Oh lord.” Madda shakes her head. “It completely slipped my mind. Come in, come in. I’ll make it up right away.” She bustles about, pulling jars from cupboards as Avalon and I eye each other.

“Hi,” she says.

“Hi,” I say back.

“What are you doing?” Her gaze flickers to Madda, who’s pounding something into a pulp, as I set one willow switch aside and take up another.

“Getting these ready for Madda. They’re for…”

“Headaches. I know. I used to help Madda before you came.”

“Oh.” I don’t know what to say. She’s working hard to be nice, I can tell, and I wonder if she knows Madda’s taken me as her apprentice.

“Do you,” she says carefully, “miss it?”

“It?”

“The Corridor.” She rubs the chip scar on her forearm. “Being connected. Having friends. You know. Having hot water.” She laughs.

I don’t have the heart to tell her that the only hot water at my house was boiled on the cookstove, that my father didn’t allow etherstream devices in the house, and friends? Can’t say I ever had those, either. She’s talking about a different world than the one I knew.

“Okay, here you go.” Madda hands Avalon a jar of salve. “It’s best if he can let it steep for a couple of days. Tell him to come see me if it doesn’t do the trick.”

“Thank you,” Avalon says, though she doesn’t move to go. “Will you be at the gathering tonight?” she asks me.

“Yes,” I say. “Will you?”

“Yes.” She smiles at the jar in her hand. “Make sure you come say hi, okay?”

And with that, she leaves. I watch her make her way past the roses and out into the lane. Madda watches her go too. “A troubled girl, that one,” she says.

“Is she?” As if I didn’t agree.

“Yep.” Madda closes the door. “I had thought about making her my apprentice before you came, but she isn’t the right sort. Too much ambition. Too hungry for power. A girl like her, she’d lord her gifts over everyone else, use them for punishment and reward. Didn’t take it well when I told her you’d be taking her place. Can’t blame her, I guess. These ones from the Corridor, they just have trouble fitting in here. You-you grew up living the Old Way, knowing what it’s like to do without. Her-she never had a day when she worried about where her dinner would come from, and she hasn’t quite forgiven her father for bringing her here.” Madda moves to the window. “Avalon hasn’t fit in with the other girls, but she seems to be making an effort with you. Try with her, would you? She could use a friend-someone who has a bit of moral fiber.”

“Okay,” I say, though I doubt friendship is what Avalon has in mind. Still, Madda has asked, and so I’ll do my best.

“Now,” Madda says, “you head off home too. This gathering tonight is important for you and your family. You want to be at your best. A little bird told me that someone’s looking forward to seeing you there too.”

“Someone?” I force myself not to smile as I get up and wipe willow juice from my hands. “Someone who?”

Madda doesn’t answer. She just grins as she steers me toward the door.

The house is empty when I arrive home. My father has left a pile of rocks by the door, arranged to indicate he’ll be back soon. I move them, restacking them to say I’m home safely, and then run down the hill. The lake beckons.

But I draw to a halt at the boathouse and stare at the dock, the memory of it lurching beneath me suddenly fresh in my mind. A merganser and her chicks float by, watching me with their queer red eyes. I step out from the boathouse’s shadows, and they scurry away, leaving ripples in the otherwise seamless water. Little by little, I inch my way out toward the end of the dock, pausing with each step, listening, waiting for the dock to move, but it doesn’t. Nothing happens at all, so by the time I sit down and dangle my feet in the water, I’m laughing at myself.