'I need to take a break, Latham. From us. Too much is happening too fast.'
'You sound terrible. Are you okay?'
'No. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown. It's probably just a panic attack. I don't have my damn sleeping pills and I'm bouncing off the walls.'
'Why don't you have your pills?'
Moment of truth time.
'I'm in Alan's hotel room.'
I waited for Latham to scream at me, call me names. Hell, I wanted him to.
'You still love him.'
'Yes.'
'Do you love me?'
'Yes.'
I heard him take a quick breath. A sob?
'You need some time apart, to figure things out?'
'Yes.' I was crying now.
'A week? A month?'
'I don't know, Latham.'
'I understand.'
Dammit, why did he have to be so freaking nice?
'I might never come back, Latham.'
'You have to choose what's right for you, Jack.'
'Aren't you mad at me?'
'I love you. I want you to be happy.'
I gripped the phone so hard my knuckles lost color.
'There's no goddamn way you can be that mature about this! Call me a cheating bitch! Tell me I ruined your life!'
'Call me when you've made a decision, Jack.'
He hung up.
I raised the cell over my head, wanting to smash it against the tiled floor.
I settled for placing it on the sink and blubbering like a baby.
Alan knocked on the door.
'Jack? Are you okay?'
He let himself in, sat down next to me.
'Dammit,' I cursed, rubbing my eyes. 'Dammit, dammit, dammit. I'm not this weak.'
Alan laughed.
'Why are you laughing?'
He put his arms around me.
'You're not weak, Jack. You're human.'
'And that's funny to you?'
'I always suspected it. I just never thought I'd see it.'
He held me until the tears stopped and embarrassment set in. I finally pushed him away and jumped in the shower.
If I hoped to get my life in order, I needed to start compartmentalizing. If I dealt with one thing at a time, I wouldn't get overwhelmed.
Number one on the hierarchy of importance was Fuller. He couldn't be allowed out.
After the shower, I got dressed, kissed my sleeping ex-husband on the top of his head, and went to the office.
One thing at a time.
Chapter 33
'Who's there?'
No answer.
I squinted, trying to see through the darkness of my bedroom. My digital clock displayed 3:35 in bright red; the only light in the room.
