there are rather strict rules about how requests should be handled and in what order. We have lots of stuff piled up waiting.’
‘Sure, I know. But I thought this wouldn’t take long and it would be easy to check. I thought that if I asked you as a favour to take a quick look and tell me whether anything can be got from it, then maybe…’
Robert frowned as he thought over what Patrik had said. Then he gave him a sly smile and got up from his chair.
‘All right, I suppose I shouldn’t be so bureaucratic. It’ll only take a few minutes. Come on.’
He led Patrik from the crowded office and through the door opposite his own. The room they entered was big and bright and filled with all sorts of strange-looking equipment. It was squeaky clean and had a clinical look that came from the white walls and all the workbenches and cabinets in gleaming chrome. The apparatus that Robert needed was at the far side of the room. With the greatest of care he removed the paper from the plastic and placed it on a glass plate. He pressed a button and a bluish light came on. The words on the paper immediately stood out in all desired clarity.
‘Have a look. Was this what you were hoping for?’
Patrik quickly read through the text. ‘This is exactly what I was hoping for. Could you leave it there a minute while I write it down?’
Robert smiled. ‘I can do better than that. With this machine I can take a picture of the text and you can take it with you.’
A broad smile spread across Patrik’s face. ‘Excellent! That would be perfect. Thank you!’
Half an hour later Patrik left the hospital with a photocopy of the sheet of paper from Anders’s notepad. He had made a solemn promise to get in touch with Robert more often, and he hoped that he’d be able to keep that promise. Unfortunately he knew himself all too well.
He did a lot of thinking on the drive home. He loved driving in the dark. The silence as he was enveloped by the velvet-black night, broken only by the lights of occasional oncoming cars, made him think more clearly. Bit by bit, he added what he already knew to what he had now read on the piece of paper. When he pulled into the driveway of his building in Tanumshede he was quite sure that he had solved at least one of the riddles that were plaguing him.
It felt strange to go to bed without Erica. Odd how quickly one got accustomed to something, as long as it was something pleasant. He found that he now had a hard time sleeping alone. It had surprised him how deeply disappointed he was when Erica rang his mobile on his way home to tell him that her sister had come to visit unexpectedly. She thought it would be better if he slept at his own place. He’d wanted to ask more but heard from Erica’s voice that she couldn’t explain, so he made do with saying that he’d call her tomorrow and that he missed her.
Now his sleep was filled with images of Erica as well as thoughts about what he would have to do in the morning. For Patrik it was a very long night.
When the kids were asleep for the night they finally had a chance to talk. Erica had quickly thawed out some frozen dinners since Anna looked like she needed to get something in her stomach. Erica had forgotten to eat as well and now her stomach was growling.
Anna mostly poked at her food with her fork. Erica felt a familiar sense of anxiety about her younger sister. Just like when they were little. She wanted to take Anna in her arms, rock her and tell her that everything would be all right, kiss the hurt and make it go away. But they were grown-up now, and Anna’s problems far exceeded the pain of a skinned knee. Confronted by this problem, Erica felt powerless and helpless. For the first time in her life her little sister seemed like a stranger, and she found herself awkward and unsure of how to talk to her. So she sat in silence, waiting for Anna to point the way. After a long wait she finally did.
‘I don’t know what to do, Erica. What’s going to happen to me and the children? Where are we going to go? How will I support us? I’ve been a stay-at-home mum for so long that I don’t know how to do anything else.’
Erica saw Anna’s knuckles turn white as she gripped the table, as if in a physical attempt to keep a grip on the situation.
‘Shhh, don’t think about that now. It’s all going to work out. You just need to take one day at a time, and you can stay here with the kids as long as you like. The house is yours too, remember?’
She permitted herself a crooked smile and saw to her joy that Anna responded in kind. Anna wiped her nose with the back of her hand and picked absentmindedly at the tablecloth.
‘I just can’t forgive myself for letting it go so far. He hurt Emma. How could I let him hurt Emma?’
The snot began running again, and she used a tissue instead of her hand.
‘Why did I let him hurt Emma? Didn’t I know deep inside that it was going to happen someday? Did I choose to shut my eyes for the sake of my own comfort?’
‘Anna, if there’s one thing I’m absolutely sure about, it’s that you would never consciously let anyone hurt your kids.’
Erica reached across the table and took Anna’s hand in hers. It was shockingly thin. Her bones felt like a bird’s, as if they would break if she squeezed too hard.
‘What I still can’t understand is that in spite of what he did, there’s still a part of me that loves him. I’ve loved Lucas for so long that the love has become ingrained in me, it’s a part of who I am. No matter what he did, I can’t get rid of that part. I wish I could take a knife and physically cut it out of me. I feel disgusting and dirty.’
With a shaking hand she touched her chest as if to show where the evil was.
‘That’s not unusual, Anna. You don’t have to be ashamed. The only thing you have to do now is concentrate on feeling well again.’ She paused. ‘But you do have to report Lucas to the police.’
‘No, Erica, no, I can’t.’
The tears ran down her cheeks and a few drops hung from her chin before they fell and made wet marks on the tablecloth.
‘Yes, Anna, you have to. You can’t let him get away with this. Don’t tell me you can live with yourself if you let him almost break your daughter’s arm without having to pay the consequences!’
‘No, yes, I don’t know, Erica. I can’t think straight, it’s like my whole head is full of cotton. I can’t think about this right now, maybe later.’
‘No, Anna. Not later. Later it’ll be too late. You have to do it now! I’ll go down to the police station with you tomorrow, but you have to do it, not only for the children’s sake but also for your own.’
‘I’m just not sure I have the strength for it.’
‘I know you do. Unlike you and me, Emma and Adrian have a mother who loves them, a mother who is ready to do anything for them.’
She couldn’t prevent the bitterness from seeping into her voice.
Anna sighed. ‘You have to drop that, Erica. I accepted a long time ago that Pappa was the only parent we really had. I also stopped worrying about why that was. How do I know? Maybe Mamma never wanted to have kids. Maybe we weren’t the kids she wanted to have. We’ll never find out now, and it doesn’t do any good to dwell on it. Although, of the two of us, I was probably the one who was luckier. Because I also had you. Maybe I never told you this, but I know how much you did for me. I know what you meant to me when we were growing up. You had nobody, Erica, nobody to take care of you except Mamma. But you mustn’t be bitter, promise me that. Don’t you think I’ve seen how you withdraw as soon as you meet somebody and it looks like it might get serious? You withdraw before you risk getting hurt. You have to learn to let go of the past, Erica. It seems like you have something really good going right now. You mustn’t retreat this time too. I do want to be an aunt someday.’
They both started laughing through their tears, and it was Erica’s turn to wipe her nose with a paper napkin. All the emotion in the room made the air feel supersaturated, but at the same time it felt as if they were doing some spring cleaning of the soul. There was so much that had gone unspoken, so much dust in the corners, and they both could feel that it was time to take out the dust mop.
They talked all night, until the winter darkness began to be replaced by a grey morning mist. The children slept longer than usual, and when Adrian finally announced that he was awake with a piercing shriek, Erica offered to take care of the kids and let Anna sleep for a couple of hours.
She felt in lighter spirits than she could ever remember feeling. Naturally she was still furious about what had happened to Emma, but she and Anna had said a lot during the night that should have been said long ago. Some truths had been unpleasant but necessary to hear, and it surprised her how easily her sister could see right through
