Toxic

I would have loved to have basked in the warmth of knowing how much his actions proved he cared. But almost immortal or not, I’d lost a lot of blood, and darkness grabbed me and snuffed my consciousness.

Chapter Eleven

I woke to burning pain, the kind that made me want to weep and cry like a human. Damned daemon claws. Breathtaking agony or not, though, I needed to get up and find out what had happened-is Rafe okay?

I winced as I sat up, only realizing belatedly I wasn’t alone. For a moment, fear gripped me as I wondered if I’d ended up the captive of the daemons. Then a familiar musk surrounded me as strong arms helped me sit up, and that answered one question at least. Rafe’s alive.

Relief flooded through me at the knowledge, and my heart raced as I tried to find words, some way of adequately expressing what his coming to my rescue meant to me. All I came up with was, “Thank you.” Lame, but how could I express how much I appreciated what Rafe had sacrificed? He’d forsaken his kind to rescue me. He’d possibly lost his place in Heaven to protect me. He’d given everything… for me. I was both humbled and overjoyed- and the teensiest bit terrified that he would regret his choice.

He propped me against some pillows, and then his hands slipped away as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed. Concern shone in his blue eyes and his lips curved into a bittersweet smile. “Don’t thank me for doing what I had to. Heavenly law or not, I couldn’t stand by and watch you die.” Okay, not exactly a declaration of undying love, but I’d lived long enough to read between the unsaid lines.

I wanted to say so much to him-Thanks for coming to my rescue. Thanks for forsaking your kind. Thank you for caring-but expressing my emotions had never come easily to me. The truth- I love you-stuck in my throat. All I managed to say with dropped eyes was, “How did you find me?”

“I told him where you were hiding.” My queen-the consummate meddler-swept into the bed chamber. Taking in my surroundings-stone walls, rich brocade tapestries and high ceilings-I realized I must have lain unconscious for quite some time because they’d brought me back to the castle in the Rockies. I remembered nothing of the trip, a disturbing realization which brought home just how vulnerable the attack had left me.

“My people?” I already knew the answer, my link to them a gaping spot in my mind. Lily’s sad shake of her head confirmed the worst.

I closed my eyes in order to compose myself. To my shame, I couldn’t prevent the tears that leaked from my closed lids as the faces of those who’d died in my service ran through my head like a macabre video. From human thralls to vampire progeny, almost thirty lives snuffed because I’d failed them all. My mental anguish hurt worse than my wounds. Never again would Annabelle tease then feed me. Never again would any of them fill my psyche with their comforting presence and loyalty. Sorrow enveloped me and wracked me with sobs, an overwhelming emotional overload like I hadn’t experienced since my turning.

Rafe stroked the back of my hand as I trembled, especially when I realized how easily he could have died, too. In coming to my rescue, he’d placed himself in danger. It chilled me to know a handful more daemons and he could have been lost, too. I was doing him no favors by making him choose me over the safety of Heaven. On the contrary, my selfish desires were putting him in harm’s way. Not for long.

“Go,” I whispered. “Go back to Heaven. You shouldn’t be here.”

“No.”

“Please,” I pled, my voice cracking.

“Leave us while I tend her wounds,” Lily said in a commanding tone.

“But-”

Rafe shut up and even though I didn’t hear Lily speak, I could imagine her face. She could convey a lot with a single look. Rafe didn’t stand a chance. The door to my room thudded shut and I sagged. My shoulders shook and the tears poured in hot rivulets as I broke even further, the humanity I’d locked away pushing forth and claiming me in its emotional grip.

“Shh.” Lily wrapped herself around me, rocking me like a child, offering me comfort which I, in my weakness, soaked up.

I cried my heart out, shedding tears for those I’d lost, for the one I needed to push away. Lily held me as I poured out all my pent up frustration and sorrow.

However, grief couldn’t clutch me forever. I’d seen and done too much in my life to succumb to it for more than a moment. In short order, I dried my tears and snorted in a very unladylike manner into the kerchief Lily handed me.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, ashamed of my display, and in front of my queen no less.

“Sorry for what?” Lily asked as she pulled my bandages away to check on my healing progress. “There is no shame in showing grief for the passing of those we care about.”

I said nothing in reply as Lily tended my wounds. Admitting I cared aloud still felt too much like weakness. I concentrated on other things, less human concerns, like the damage done to my body. The daemons’ claws had left their mark, and the poison they’d injected with their slashing touch infected my usually resistant body. Dirty creatures. I found the pain of my injuries helped me regain my focus even if emotionally I felt like a tautly wound wire that would snap at the slightest pressure.

Lily laid her hands on one of my seeping, foul smelling wounds. Then she used magic, a healing magic that none of our kind except she enjoyed.

I sucked in my breath at the burning agony as she bled the toxins from me, my third and final session as she informed me. With each jolt of gut wrenching pain, the wound in question began to heal, so I bore it with gritted teeth-although, a part of me kind of wished I’d remained passed out for this part. What could I say, I preferred dishing out pain as opposed to receiving it.

To distract myself, I recounted my shameful blindside and the battle I’d almost lost-a first for me. The carnage of my people she’d seen firsthand and a fragile part of me thanked the fact I didn’t need to go into detail about their demise.

Clarity returned to me as the discomfort of my injuries lessened and a disturbing fact sprang free to the forefront of my mind. The daemons, with their attack, and even worse, recognition of me, had clearly shown they had access to information thought secret, such as locations of lairs.

“They knew who I was and where to find me,” I announced grimly to my queen.

“I know,” she replied softly. “And you’re not the only one.”

Anger burned alongside shame as Lily informed me my castle was only one among several others invaded. However, I was the only one who’d escaped alive. Elsewhere, the results ended up fatal and bloody with vampires slain along with their human slaves. Daemon coordinated attacks that made me realize, as Lily washed my now mostly healed skin, that we’d fooled ourselves into thinking the daemons were unaware of us and our plans to halt them.

Realization hit me like a ton of bricks followed by a piano and an anvil. The previous attacks on the humans had only been feints. A testing, so to speak, of our defenses. Having learned what they needed, the daemons had banded together to take out what they perceived as their greatest threats before the arrival of the main army. My kind, the only ones to really understand and recognize the danger they posed.

I shared my revelation with Lily, who nodded her head. “They fooled us into thinking they were little more than brutal beasts. We shan’t make that mistake again.”

“You mean whoever takes my place. I’ve failed you and my brethren. It is only right I step down and let another take my place.” Altruistic of me? Not really. I’d flunked my test as protector and honestly believed I didn’t deserve my position.

“I refuse your resignation.”

“But, because of my short sightedness, dozens died.”

Lily’s eyes blazed darkly as she retorted. “And because of your vision, you’re the only reason we might even stand a chance when they come. If you’ve failed, then so have I for not listening to you when you warned we needed to prepare. Like others, I kept hoping and praying the approaching doom still lay far into the future.”