The Elusive Bride

He slid one finger in, slowly, reached deep, then stroked, equally slowly, equally deeply.

And she burned.

She turned all but incandescent in his arms, her body surrendered, his to pleasure as he would-

Metal clanked.

He jerked back from the kiss. Turned his head and looked.

Sensed her do the same.

The noise had come from deeper in the house. The kitchen courtyard perhaps. Stationed as he was, Mullins wouldn’t have heard it.

Gareth all but swayed as he looked back at Emily. His breathing sounded ragged and rough in his ears. She was openly panting. His heart pounded under the influence of multiple imperatives. As he met her eyes, he saw that other tension that had relinquished its hold on them both over the last minutes return.

Infusing them both.

She blinked, then mouthed, “Who?”

He shook his head. Carefully, he withdrew his hand from between her thighs, from beneath her skirts. Grasping her knee, he eased her leg down, held her until she nodded that she could stand on her own.

He leaned closer. “Stay here. Don’t move.”

Drawing back, he reinforced the order with a glare.

She glared back, her expression grim. But her lips remained set in a thin line, and she stayed where she was as he slowly turned, then, soft footed, crept into the corridor leading further into the house.

Of course, she was behind him when he paused by the closed kitchen door.

Rustlings, bumps, the scrape of wood on tile, and the occasional clank came from beyond the ill-fitting door.

Then he heard the snuffling.

Tension draining, he reached out and pushed the door inward.

It swung wide, revealing the intruder.

The goat looked up, and baaed.

It took them half an hour to get the goat retethered and put the kichen to rights. And by then their heated moment had definitely cooled.

Emily was only too ready to light the flame again, but after trailing her back into the front salon, rather than follow her up the stairs-and possibly to her bed-Gareth paused by the front door.

Realizing he was no longer behind her, she turned. Looked at him across the dark expanse of the unlit room.

And suddenly wasn’t sure.

Suddenly realized that although she wanted him, despite all they’d shared, she had no real reason to think he wanted her.

He desired her. If she kissed him and offered, he would take-as her sisters had described it, he was like any man in that.

But did he really want her in the same way she wanted him?

What if he didn’t?

The thought left her feeling suddenly exposed. Suddenly vulnerable in a way she’d never been before.

And as the silence lengthened, as he made no move to walk forward and join her, but just looked at her through the dark…she had to wonder if she’d got it all horribly wrong.

At last he shifted. Nodded. “Good night. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Her heart was lodged somewhere in her throat. “Aren’t you coming up?” With me?

Gareth forced himself to shake his head. “I’ll relieve Mullins. We still need to keep watch.”

She hesitated for an instant longer, then inclined her head, turned, and slowly climbed the stairs.

He watched until she passed out of sight. Then he relaxed his hands from the fists they’d curled into and stared at the door, but made no move to open it.

After a long moment, he shook his head. He still felt as if someone had hit it. Hard.

Someone had. She had.

She’d scrambled his thoughts and connected with his lustful inner self-that self that wanted nothing more desperately than to have her beneath him, naked or not. She’d lured that more passionate primitive self out and set it-him-free.

But…

He’d been saved by that damned goat.

Even now he wasn’t sure if he wanted to bless the animal or wring its neck.

In the deepening dark, the questions that now haunted him stood stark and clear in his undistracted mind. Did she truly want him, or had she been swept away by passion? By a need he still believed owed more to reaction than any true, unmanipulated emotion.

He wanted her-desperately, almost beyond thought-but he wanted her to want him for the same reason.

Simply because.

Because he was the man she truly wanted. Wanted at some fundamental, visceral level that wouldn’t be denied.

He wanted her to want him.

Him. For himself.

Not him because he was the one there and she needed to lie with a man, needed to come alive in a man’s arms to balance her brushes with death.

Not him in place of a fallen comrade.

And definitely not him just to fill the void, to be a husband to whom she could play wife.

None of those alternatives would do. Not for him.

Not for her.

They both deserved better.

His problem was, if it wasn’t with her, he couldn’t imagine his better would ever come to be.

Staring at the dark door was getting him nowhere. Heaving a sigh, he straightened his shoulders, opened the door, and went out to relieve Mullins, and to seek what solace he could in the quiet stillness of the night.

Eleven

18th November, 1822

Morning

Lurking in my room in the guesthouse in Tunis

Dear Diary,

I tried. Last night I tried to open his eyes, to make him see what I feel for him, that he is my “one” and how much his I am, and truly I thought-hoped and believed-I was succeeding, but then that damned goat interrupted us and the moment was gone.

Gone.

But that was not the worst. At the end, when he elected to go on watch rather than climb the stairs with me, I was struck by the most deadening thought. What if he doesn’t-in his heart doesn’t-want me?

I know my sisters would scoff, but they are biased.

On reflection, my continuing problem is that I cannot tell to what extent his high-minded ideas of what is best for me-as distinct from what I patently want-drive him. That what I discerned as lack of real interest was, once again, him nobly stepping back to protect me from committing what he believes is a