concerned with was the speed, the rapidity with which he could secure that correct response, thus minimizing any cost to himself, to his pride by way of any revelations required to convince her to utter that small word.
His decision to wait until his mission was concluded still seemed the wisest course, but her comment that morning about leaving her Humberside home for parts unknown had sounded a warning. Once his mission was ended, it wouldn’t be wise to let her have her head for long.
Indeed, with every hour that passed, he was more inclined to refine his plan. The instant his mission was ended, before he surrendered her to her parents, he would offer for her hand, and be accepted, thus reducing the separation that would naturally occur between returning her to her home and her coming to live permanently with him.
He wasn’t of a mind to let her go, not even for a day. Somehow simply having her about, in the same house, knowing she was there, made him feel more settled. More complete.
As if he’d found his future purpose and she was an instrinsic part.
He was too seasoned a campaigner not to pay attention to instinct.
So what did she want? How could he tempt her?
At that moment, despite her outward appearance of content, Deliah was feeling distinctly downhearted.
Not that she had any reason to be; she kept telling herself that, but it didn’t help.
For the first time in her life, she’d experienced a day in the company of genuine friends, women and men who saw her as she was yet did not consider her-the real her-as in any way beyond their pale. Throughout the day, little incidents had underscored that in this company, she-her character, her traits-were the norm. In the world the Cynsters and Chillingworth inhabited, ladies were life partners, not cyphers, their existences significantly more than mere adjuncts to their husbands’ lives.
The events of the day had conspired to educate and show her, to lay before her in all its glory the precise type of life she might have had had her Great Scandal not derailed her. A life she would even now sell her soul to seize and enjoy-if she could.
If any gentleman of similar ilk to the Cynsters, one with similar expectations of his wife, could be prevailed on to offer for her hand.
If Del would.
But he wouldn’t.
He’d taken her as his lover-she’d accepted him as hers. And that was that. As she’d years ago proved, and as she’d been lectured about ad nauseam in the aftermath of the scandal, gentlemen did not marry their lovers.
More specifically, no gentleman would ever marry her.
Her spirits sank lower as the thought floated blackly through her mind. Its darkness, its intensity, made her wonder-made her look more closely at what she felt. And why…
She managed to keep a smile on her face, or at least keep her lips curved, her expression relaxed, while inwardly she berated herself. How unutterably foolish. How unforgivably silly. How inexcusably willful.
She’d done it again-fallen in love, again.
No. She caught herself, looked anew, reconsidered. She’d fallen in love, really, truly, head over heels forevermore in love, for the first time. What she felt for Del was oceans apart from the mild emotion she’d felt for that bastard Griffiths. Then, in her innocence, her naivete, she’d convinced herself that what she’d felt was love; she hadn’t at the time known enough to know the difference.
Now she did.
She knew she loved Del.
To the absolute bottom of her foolish, foolish heart.
Bad enough. She would not-could not-allow herself to compound her stupidity by even imagining that there was even the slightest hope that he might feel the same for her, let alone that he might see her as an eligible lady. One he might marry.
As she’d been told from adolescence on, she wasn’t the marriageable kind. The kind of lady gentlemen wanted to marry.
She was too bossy. Too headstrong, too opinionated. Too willful.
Regardless, even if Del were different, and might have considered her for the position of his wife, he wouldn’t now, now that they were lovers.
The wash of deadening, dismal feelings that flowed through her threatened to sink her.
Still smiling, but inwardly desperate for escape, for distraction, she looked around-and met Del’s eyes.
He’d been watching her. Some part of her had registered it-she’d felt the telltale warmth-but she’d been too engrossed in her black thoughts to respond.
He smiled, and slowly-with his signature languid grace-drew in his long legs and rose.
She swallowed as he crossed to the chaise. Instinct brought her to her feet as he neared.
His eyes met hers. “You look like you need to escape. We could walk in the long gallery, if you like.” His dark gaze was rich and warm. Enfolding.
“Ah…” It was herself she wanted to escape. Herself and her deadening, desolating reality. She glanced around. The others were mingling, chatting in groups. She looked back at him. “Actually, I have a headache.”
A frown came into his eyes.
She hurried on, “Just a mild one-nothing too bad. But…I think I’ll go up now.”
Summoning the smile she’d let drop, she turned to Catriona, on the chaise beside her, then let her gaze travel on to the other ladies. “I’m going to retire. I’m feeling rather jaded. A good night’s sleep will no doubt see me right.”
Catriona smiled her madonna’s smile and touched Deliah’s hand. “We’ll see you in the morning.”
Deliah nodded a smiling good night to the others, at the last inclined her head to Del-still standing by her side, eyes too shrewd for her liking fixed on her face-murmured, “Good night,” then walked from the room.
Del watched her go and wondered what was wrong. She was…upset. Discomposed, disturbed, but in a strange way, one he couldn’t explain. His immediate impulse was to follow her, to ask, learn, and put right. But…she’d seemed unusually uncertain herself. Perhaps he’d give her a little time.
Fifteen minutes, maybe.
If she’d thought her comment about getting a good night’s sleep would keep him from her bed, she would need to think again. If she truly did have a headache, she could sleep in his arms.
With an easy smile for Catriona, who returned the gesture serenely, he ambled across the room to join Gyles and Gabriel in discussing sheep.
The party broke up shortly after Deliah’s retreat. Del went to his room, paced for ten minutes-not so much thinking as imagining what might be going on in her red head-then, with a muttered curse against anyone still hovering in the corridors, he opened his door and stalked to hers.
He tapped once, then opened the door. Walking in, he saw her, still gowned and coiffed, drawing the curtains over the window through which she’d clearly been staring.
Shutting the door, he snibbed the lock, then strolled toward her. He tipped his head at the window. “What did you see?”
“Snow. It’s still blizzarding.”
She’d been waiting for him, that much was clear. Why was less so, given she’d remained fully dressed.
Halting before her, he held her gaze, was about to reach for her when she looked away.
Moved away.
“I really do have a slight headache, you know. Besides”-she waved airily-“I’m sure it’s not necessary for us to live quite so much in each other’s pockets.”
He caught the hand she’d waved before she could drift further. Used it to anchor her as he turned and came up behind her. So she couldn’t see his face, couldn’t read the confusion, the sudden, leaping need to seize and hold.
Just the suggestion-the faint hint-that she might be trying to draw back, away from him, had been enough to spark it. That rattled him; it seemed the emotional sand was shifting beneath his feet, but he knew in his heart that wasn’t truly so.
Something was going on.
In her red head, not necessarily anywhere else.
