Bonnie Carpenter tossed two containers of spaghetti carbonara into the microwave and slammed the door.
'I don't want pasta, Mum,' moaned Jacqueline. She was sitting at the kitchen table with a science book in front of her.
'Me neither,' said Paul, trying to match his older sister's tone and doing a pretty good job.
Bonnie twisted the dial and the microwave buzzed into life. 'It's Marks and Sparks,' she said. 'It's not as if I cooked it myself.' She picked up a French loaf and began hacking at it with a bread-knife.
'I'm a vegetarian, Mum,' said Paul, pulling a face.
'First of all, you're not a vegetarian,' said Bonnie, tossing chunks of bread into a basket. 'You're just copying Harry and he's only a vegetarian because his parents never grew out of theirhippiephase andtheywon't lethim eatmeat.'
'Actually, they're too young to have been hippies,' said Jacqueline. 'Hippies were in the sixties.'
Bonnie waved the bread-knife at her daughter. 'I didn't say they were hippies, I said they went through a hippie phase.'
'Harry said they were punks,' said Paul. 'His dad had a safety-pin through his nose. He says there's a picture in one of their albums. And you can see his mum's breast in one of the pictures. Most of it. He says he's going to bring it to school.'
Bonnie transferred the attentions of the bread-knife to her son. 'And second of all, there's no meat in spaghetti carbonara, so you won't be breaking any of your newfound principles.'
Jacqueline pushed back her chair and went over to the kitchen worktop as Bonnie emptied a pack of pre- washed salad into a glass bowl. 'Do you want dressing?' Bonnie asked.
'Dressing's fattening,' said Jacqueline, as she studied one of the cardboard wrappers that had been round the ready meals.
Bonnie ripped open the plastic sachet with her teeth and squeezed the dressing over the salad. 'You're a growing girl,' she said. 'You need the essential vitamins and minerals in olive oil.'
'It says here there's ham in the spaghetti sauce.'
'You don't think they use real ham, do you?' asked Bonnie, carrying the bread basket and salad bowl over to the kitchen table. 'It's that artificial stuff. Made from soya beans.' She frowned at her daughter. The last thing she wanted was her son refusing to eat meat. He was picky enough at the best of times.
Jacqueline held up the wrapper so that Bonnie could see the picture. 'Looks real enough to me,' she said.
'Just goes to show how cunning food scientists can be,' said Bonnie. 'It's artificial, trust me.'
'Was Dad ever a punk?' asked Paul.
Bonnie laughed harshly. 'If there's one thing your dad most definitely never was, it's a punk,' she said. 'Jacqueline, while you're on your feet could you get me a bottle of Pinot Grigio out of the fridge?'
'You drink too much,' scolded Jacqueline.
'You drive me to it,' said Bonnie. 'Be an angel and open it for me, will you?'
'I will,' said Paul, and rushed to the drawer where they kept the corkscrew. The phone on the wall rang and he changed direction to answer it.
The microwave pinged and Bonnie took out two plastic dishes of steaming pasta.
'It's Dad!' said Paul.
'Let me talk to him,' said Bonnie, holding out her hand for the phone.
'I want to tell him about my football match,' said Paul.
'Let me talk to him first,' said Bonnie firmly.
Paul gave her the phone reluctantly.
'Hiya, honey,' said Bonnie. 'How long have you got?'
'Six minutes and counting,' said Carpenter. 'Sorry. Should have more credit in a day or two.'
There was a small mechanical timer on the worktop and Bonnie twisted it to six minutes. Paul saw the time and pulled a face.
'You okay for tomorrow?' asked Carpenter.
'Sure, do you need anything?'
'Just clean clothes. See if I've any thirty-two-inch jeans, will you? The thirties are getting a bit tight.'
'Gerry . . .'
'I know, love, but it's the bloody food here. All starch and carbs.'
'Mum . . .' complained Paul. He pointed at the timer, which was down to five and a half minutes.
'Paul wants a word,' said Bonnie.
'Everything okay there?' asked Carpenter.
'There's been a BT van parked down the road for the past three days,' said Bonnie. 'They must think I'm stupid.'
'Ignore them,' said Carpenter. 'If they want to waste their time, let them.'
'The DVD in the bedroom's playing up. Keeps saying there isn't a DVD in when there is. What is it with these machines? They think they're smarter than we are sometimes.'
'Chuck it and buy a new one,' said Carpenter. 'Costs more to repair them than it does to replace them. Repair shops, bloody robbers they are.'
'Mum . . .' whined Paul.
Bonnie handed the phone to Paul. 'Ninety seconds, then give it to your sister.'
Paul grabbed at the receiver and started telling his father about the game of football he'd played the previous day.
Bonnie went upstairs and knocked on the door to Stephanie's room. It bore a sheet of paper with 'PRIVATE - KEEP OUT' printed on it. Underneath were the words 'Especially you, Paul!' Bonnie opened the door. Stephanie was sitting in front of her television with her PlayStation 2. 'Steph, your dad's on the phone,' she said.
'So?' said Stephanie, her eyes never leaving the screen. It was some shoot-'em-up game, blowing zombies into dozens of bloody pieces.
'It'd be nice if you said a few words to him.'
'Like what?'
'Like asking him how he is. Like telling him how much you miss him.'
'I'm busy, Mum.'
'Steph, get downstairs and talk to your father. Now.'
'Let me get to the next level.'
'He's only got a few minutes.'
'So I'll talk to him tomorrow.'
Bonnie glared at her wilful daughter. She had half a mind to walk over and pull the plug out of the video game but knew how unproductive that would be. Tears, threats, and probably a week-long sulk. She closed the bedroom door and swore under her breath.
When she got back to the kitchen there were just three minutes left and Jacqueline was standing behind her brother, poking him in the kidneys with a spoon. 'Paul, let your sister talk to your father.'
'I haven't finished yet,' Paul protested.
'Yes, you have.' Bonnie took the receiver from him and handed it to Jacqueline.
She poured the spaghetti on to four plates and put them on the table as Jacqueline chatted to her father. Paul sat down at the table with a sour look on his face. Bonnie picked up the glass of wine, which her daughter had poured for her, and drank half of it in one gulp.
When there was a minute left on the timer, Bonnie took the phone from Jacqueline. 'Where's Steph?' asked Carpenter.
'In the bath,' said Bonnie.
'She was in the bath last time I called.'
'Just be glad she's not like her brother. I can't get him to stand still in the shower long enough to get wet.'
'She's okay?'
'As okay as any ten-year-old can be,' said Bonnie.
